


Never Gone

by only_the_brave



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-02-29 21:09:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 67,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18786256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/only_the_brave/pseuds/only_the_brave
Summary: When he was Arthur, he felt alive. When he was Louis, he felt like dying.Four years after Harry Styles ruined Louis Tomlinson's life, they reunite. The only problem?Harry doesn't know he's Louis.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my child. I've been carrying this story with me since 2014 after I was given free writing time in my 9th grade English class. 
> 
> The plot has changed three times, but the story has always started the same. The journey this story has had - from being just a silly story to fill up a 9th grade class time, to being something I'd write in study hall, to being left to sit uncompleted and privated on its temporary home, Wattpad, to being inspired to rewrite this after taking a college writing class last year, to finding its permanent home on here. 
> 
> I loved every moment of writing this. This story was meant to come out in July of last year, but personal circumstances caused me to push the story away for long amounts of time, after scenes started to hit scarily close to home. Nonetheless, I've never been more proud of something I've written, and I'm so proud I've finally finished this and was able to push past what I went through during the course of writing this. 
> 
> Never Gone is my child. Never Gone has been my child for five years. It has changed so much, and yet, I can't imagine this story being any other way.

2014

 

Cold.

Everything was cold. 

Louis noticed it a lot lately, especially in the way the lads acted. With the distant tone in their voices, and the way they were suddenly brushing Louis off over anything and everything, any trace of warmth from them was gone. It was quite obvious something changed. 

It wasn’t normal. 

Louis couldn’t help but think that he did something wrong, something to make them mad at him. He noticed their standoffish behavior days before and had since been racking his brain for the reason as to why the lads he had known for four years were suddenly treating him like a stranger. 

And, honestly?

He couldn’t think of a reason - not one that made sense, at least. The fact that he beat Liam at FIFA the night before the sudden shift in behavior was the only reason that popped into Louis’ head. However, that wasn’t a plausible cause for all four of his bandmates to distance themselves from him. Something went wrong somewhere, and Louis felt like he’d go mad if he didn’t get an explanation soon. 

The tension between him and his bandmates lasted four days before Louis finally got his answer.

He woke up late that day, an anxious feeling in his chest. Something was off. He considered Liam his alarm, as the Wolverhampton man woke him up every day - even during the past couple days throughout, well, whatever the hell was going on. However, Liam didn’t wake him up that morning. Instead, Louis needed to depend on himself to make sure he got up.

He sat up in his designated bunk on the tour bus, a feeling of dread mixing into the anxiety he woke up with. The band was towards the end of their Where We Are tour, and, sure, it had been fun, but, the days were starting to morph together in Louis’ mind. He barely knew where he was anymore, or what he was supposed to be doing that day. He was exhausted, and he truly needed the break they were getting that day.

He slid out of his bunk with a yawn, shivering as his bare feet hit the cold floor of the tour bus. Even the bus felt colder than it usually did. He made his way to the bathroom for a shower, only getting a solid five minutes of hot water running down his back before he heard someone banging on the door.

“Louis!” He heard Zayn call out, the sudden loudness causing him to jump a little. A frown grew on Louis’ face as he ducked his head under the water to rinse out any remnants of Harry’s coconut shampoo, which he may or may not have stolen since his own shampoo ran out.

How late did he wake up? Zayn was always the last one awake, so Louis must have woken up quite late.

“Hurry up! We’re running late as it is!”

Louis blinked in confusion. 

Late for what?

He may not know what they were doing on any given day, but Louis was almost positive someone told him they had the day off. Louis shrugged to himself, disappointment lingering in his mind.

Louis had been looking forward to a day off for ages, but apparently, it wasn’t going to happen for at least another day.  He let out a sigh, shaking his head in frustration as he turned off the water. Perhaps he dreamt it up. 

He would have to get a proper shower later, he supposed, as he pulled on some clothes. It wasn’t anything special, just a gray hoodie and a pair of black jeans. Once dressed, he opened the door, looking expectantly at Zayn.

“And… What exactly are we late for?” Louis asked, an annoyed tone in his voice. Zayn opened his mouth, and for a moment, Louis thought he was going to get an answer out of him. But, of course, he didn’t. Zayn shut his mouth and shook his head, clearing his throat.

“Just… Just hurry up,” Zayn mumbled before turning and walking away, probably to the front of the bus to wait with the rest of the lads. Louis watched him go, running his fingers through his wet hair, thinking back, once again, to anything that could’ve possibly made Zayn mad.

He  _ did _ steal a Sharpie off of him to draw on his own shoes because he was bored the other day, but he put it back before Zayn could have ever noticed. Still, even if he did notice, would it have been such a huge deal that Zayn would have treated him like this for four days? It made no sense. Then again, none of this did.

He tried to ask Harry on the second day of the unexplained tension, but Harry pretended he didn’t hear Louis, to the point where Louis got frustrated after the fifth time he repeated himself and returned to his bunk for the night. He couldn’t think of any reason why he made Harry mad as he laid in his bunk that night, and, as he stood in front of the mirror, drying his hair with a towel, he still couldn’t.

He already went through the list of what he possibly could have done to make them all mad. Zayn and the Sharpie, Liam and FIFA, Harry and… nothing, and Niall and --

Louis’ eyes widened. 

Niall’s guitar.

“Fuck,” Louis let out under his breath, dropping the towel.

That was it. That was the reason they were all mad at him. It had to be.

Tripping and landing on Niall’s guitar was a complete accident. Niall had been properly pissed about it, a witness to the complete destruction of his prized possession. Louis apologized quickly and made a promise to buy him another guitar once they had gotten near somewhere that actually sold guitars. 

It made sense. Their previous stop was right around the time things had gotten weird between him and the lads. Louis had scoured the internet to find a music store in the area, and, sure enough, he found one, but their stop was short and Louis certainly didn’t have the time to commute to the shop, in the end. Perhaps Niall had caught wind of the fact that there was a music shop nearby and was expecting Louis to get him a guitar from there. And, perhaps, when Louis lacked in giving him a replacement guitar, Niall told the other lads, and they got mad at him too.

It was the plausible reason Louis had been looking for.

Louis gave himself one last glance over in the mirror, taking a deep breath. It was time to apologize and make things better. After he apologized, the lads would talk to him again. He smiled to himself. 

He was about to fix things. 

Louis walked out to the front of the bus, and, right where Louis expected them to be, the boys sat, quietly talking amongst each other. In the few seconds it took for them to realize Louis was there, Louis realized that even the way they talked to _ each other _ was cold. It wasn’t filled with the laughs he was used to hearing. It wasn’t filled with Harry’s stupid jokes. It was quiet. It was small talk. It was quiet whispers and hushed tones.

What the hell was going on?

Louis cleared his throat, causing the four lads to stop their discussion and look up at him. They looked exhausted too, Louis noticed, catching sight of their wary glances and the bags under their eyes. The whole band needed a break. It couldn’t be much longer before they had one.

“I, uh,” Louis started, his eyes skimming across the boy’s faces, stopping when they met Niall’s eyes, “I just wanted to say, Niall, that I’m sorry for not buying you a guitar at the last stop. I would’ve if we stayed there a bit longer, but, if I’d gone, the bus probably would’ve left without me and --” Niall shook his head, cutting him off.

“Don’t worry about it, mate,” Niall spoke, his voice soft and wavering over the last word, “Don’t worry about getting me a guitar. It was an accident. I can cover it myself. Don’t worry.” 

Louis frowned but nodded his head in response anyway. His eyes met Harry’s, expecting to see his bright green ones staring back at him. Instead, he caught a glimpse of dull green against red before Harry turned his head, hiding his face from him. 

Harry had been crying. 

The anxious feeling in his chest grew more at the idea of Harry crying, his heart dropping to his stomach.

What did he do to make Harry cry?

He didn’t have much time to think about what he could have done to hurt Harry before Liam stood up, sighing as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Let’s go.” The nervous tone in Liam’s voice made Louis worry even more. The other lads stood and Louis looked down at his shoes as he followed them out. Once outside the bus, the band was ushered into a van. Louis got in last, having to sit as far from Harry as possible, just as their management instructed. 

The two of them weren’t together. They couldn’t be, even if they wanted to. They discussed having mutual feelings for one another a couple of years prior, but that was it. They knew what their team was capable of, so they didn’t pursue anything. 

Louis was certain Harry was over him. But, as for Louis? He tried to suppress his feelings, however, it was hard to when Harry was as stunning as he was. Louis tried his best.

Louis looked around the van, searching for some sort of answer between the four men. The silence coming from them was deafening. Louis awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, deciding to fill the tense silence with a question.

“So, uh… Where exactly are we going?” Louis asked, ducking his head in defeat when he didn’t get an answer. He knew they were all upset with him, but the least they could do was give him an answer. He still would have answered their questions if he was mad at them. 

“Meeting.” Louis turned to look at Harry, who had been the brave soul to answer him. He was surprised by the rough tone in Harry’s voice, but nodded in acknowledgment to his answer anyway, slumping down in his seat with a huff.

Of course, it was a meeting. Where else would they be going so early?

Louis absolutely hated meetings, as they were usually long and boring, and their team was absolutely ridiculous. They demanded such outlandish things out of them, and, honestly? Their team was a load of shit. They enjoyed over-analyzing everything Louis and the rest of the band did and reprimanding them for practically nothing.

They eventually pulled into the parking garage of Syco Entertainment headquarters and Louis frowned. They only came here to get yelled at if something was wrong. Big meetings were usually held at Modest! Management headquarters. So, what happened?

Louis thought back to the last time they were here. Nothing too punishable had happened since then. That he remembered, at least.

“Erm, what are we doing here?” Louis asked, turning to Liam, “Did someone say something rude on Twitter, Payno?” Liam usually knew what the meetings were for. Since he was the ‘responsible one,’ Liam was told that kind of stuff ahead of time. He would then pass it on to the other lads so they could all brace themselves.

However, Liam didn’t tell Louis why they were there.

No one did.

They all got out of the car in silence, leaving Louis to follow behind them. They walked through bland looking hallways to the boardroom; a room Louis had always hated. Its bright lighting and white walls made meetings feel longer than they needed to feel. Louis filed in behind the lads, sitting down in an empty chair and immediately feeling four pairs of eyes on him. Louis looked up, seeing his friends, his brothers, staring at him. 

Harry looked heartbroken.

“What?” Louis asked his bandmates, a sense of urgency in his voice. They turned away, not looking at him after that. What did he do? His anxiety grew more and more the longer the day went on. He felt like he would explode if he didn’t find out what was going on soon. 

He almost let out a sigh of relief when a few people from their team walked in, watching as they sat down in front of the band. He stopped watching them after seeing Harry move out of the corner of his eye. Louis turned, nervously staring after him as he excused himself, biting his lip at how fast the Holmes Chapel lad hurried out of the board room. After seeing that, Louis was sure something bad was about to happen. 

“Hello, boys.” A gruff voice made Louis turn to face its owner - a burly man whom Louis forgot the name of. He looked pissed. They  _ really _ must have messed up this time. But, how?

Louis shifted in his seat as a lady stood. She held a tablet in her hand, and the tablet’s screen was replicated on a projector screen, so everyone could see exactly what she was about to talk about. 

“Recently,” she started, her voice in a calmer tone than her co-worker, despite the strictness laced into it, “There have been some… interesting… photographs of Mr. Tomlinson and Mr. Styles circulating.” She pulled up the pictures on her tablet, swiping through them for everyone to see. Louis’ eyes widened.

Where had those come from? He couldn’t remember anything that the pictures in front of them suggested happening. 

They were in a club, by the looks of it. It was quite obvious they were wasted, as photos of the two of them kissing came up one by one on the projector. The interaction looked pretty messy. It made Louis feel sick to his stomach, his gaze dropping to focus on the table they were sat at. 

He had no memory of any of this, and somehow hadn’t seen the pictures until now, which made no sense in itself. Did they try to hide the pictures from him? Is that what happened?

“S-so… Why are we here, then?” Louis stuttered out, chewing on his lip. 

Of course, he knew why they were there. To get punished, obviously. There were always consequences and there was definitely going to be some for this. Louis knew damage control would be the next step, whatever that may be. However, they could pass the photos off as anyone, if they tried hard enough, couldn’t they?

The lady let out a sigh, as if she was unsure how to go about saying what she needed to say. A man, one different than the first, spoke for her.

“That,” he started, “That was the last straw, Mr. Tomlinson. We - your management and your bandmates - have decided to remove you from One Direction. Effective immediately.”

Shit. 

He wasn’t expecting that.

He looked up at the management workers with wide eyes. This wasn’t happening. This _couldn’t_ be happening. He could feel his world crashing down around him more and more with every panicked breath.

Was  _ this _ why Harry left the room?

The thought was all it took for Louis to react. He slammed his fists on the table, kicking back his chair as he stood.

“You… You can’t do that!” he protested, “Simon… H-he’s the one who decides that!” His protests earned him looks, both grave and annoyed, from the band’s team. They just wanted him gone at this point - Louis knew that. But, he wasn’t giving up without a fight. 

“Mr. Cowell  _ is  _ the one who said that, Mr. Tomlinson,” the burly man spoke. Louis let out a frustrated sigh, rubbing his face before quickly turning to look at the three remaining lads, realizing that they too were included in the decision. 

The past few days were starting to make sense in his head.

“You… You all knew! You were avoiding me because you  _ all _ knew! And, of fucking course, it’s  _ me _ you all decide to remove! Harry’s the big money-maker, so of course,  _ I _ get dropped! Why didn’t you stand up for me? Thanks for fucking caring,  _ mates _ !” Louis shouted, his voice getting louder as he spoke. 

He was blinded by rage, growling as he picked up his chair and threw it towards the boys. Liam quickly got up to shield Zayn and Niall in an attempt to protect them. Louis’ aim failed him, however, and he reached for the office supplies strewn across the table, trying to throw them at the three instead.

He thought these boys were his friends, his  _ brothers _ .

Guess not. 

All they were was backstabbing liars. They didn’t care about Louis. They never did. If they did, they would have done everything they could to stop Louis from being removed, right?

Amidst Louis’ fit of anger, he felt strong hands grab his shoulders and legs, starting to drag him out of the room. Louis started to thrash about. 

This could  _ not  _ be happening. 

His life was being ripped away from him, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

“Stop it!” Louis shouted, doing his best to punch and kick at the security guards holding onto him, “Stop! You can’t do this! You can’t kick me out! This band is my life, please!” As Louis was carried out to the hallway, he spotted a certain curly-haired, green-eyed boy staring at him with puffy eyes.

“H-Harry!” Louis cried out, “Help me!” Harry shook his head, sniffling as he started to back away, hiding his face.

“I’m… I’m so sorry, Lou,” Harry squeaked out, “I-it was an accident… I didn’t mean to… I promise…”

Everything went into slow motion.

Louis had no idea what to think as he was carried away from his life, his band. His attempt to stay became more and more careless with every step that took him away.

Harry took those pictures.

Harry put those pictures on the internet. 

Harry, his best friend, did this.  _ He  _ took the most important thing in Louis’ life away.

And, with Harry’s heartbroken eyes as the last image of the world he used to belong to, life as Louis knew it was over. 


	2. Chapter 2

2018

 

Louis woke with a shout. 

He sat up quickly, his breathing heavy as he scanned his surroundings. 

He was fine. He was home. Everything was okay. 

Except for the fact that it had been almost four years since The Incident and he still had nightmares about it. He hadn’t had one in months, and he thought for sure they’d gone away. But, they didn’t. He was back to square one.

Louis took a deep breath and rubbed his face. A bark came from the end of the bed, and Louis looked up at the black and white dog making his way towards him to sit in his lap and comfort him.

“Yes, Cliff, bad dream. I know,” Louis mumbled, mindlessly petting the dog’s curly fur, “I was doing so good, too, wasn’t I? But, it’s okay. We’ll just mark it down and go on with our day.” 

He nodded his head at the dog, wrapping a blanket around himself as he stood up. The house was cold in the morning, and Louis didn’t like the cold.

He made his way to the mirror, sighing at his worn-out appearance. Louis swore he looked better when he was being overworked in his One Direction days. However, he didn’t come to the mirror to berate himself, no. He was there for the calendar next to it. 

Daisy and Phoebe gave it to him as a Christmas present the year before. A Clifford calendar. They knew his dog made him happy, so they made a calendar out of photos of him, with some special appearances from the family dogs, of course. 

Louis picked up the red marker off his dresser, uncapping it as he stared at the rest of the month. It was all colored in blue - for the days he didn’t have a nightmare. Red was for the days he did. Like today. Louis shook his head in disappointment, putting down the marker after coloring in the day’s box as he looked back over at Clifford.

“Come on, lad,” Louis murmured, “Let’s get something to eat.” 

Clifford was also a present from his family. A birthday present from two years ago, given to Louis because they knew he was lonely. Louis was happy to have him. Clifford brought in a distraction he really needed, especially on the bad days. 

Louis might have cried when Lottie carried the small black and white furball of a puppy out to him. His sisters got it on film and put it on their social media - mainly for their friends to see, really. But, the fans he once had got ahold of it and ate it up, which, come to think of it, was the last they heard from him.

The fans. 

They didn’t know what happened.

The reason given for Louis’ departure was a mental breakdown, muted footage of him throwing office supplies at Liam, Zayn, and Niall ‘leaking’ in  _ The Sun _ the very next day. How that footage was recorded, Louis didn’t know. There wasn’t much he could do about it, though. It was all damage control. It needed to happen.

Management proceeded to say that Harry was hacked and that those pictures were just lookalikes. However, the smart fans caught onto the fact he was released from the band after the photos of him and Harry.  _ They _ were the ones that still supported him. 

Louis didn’t know why they did. He kept himself out of the spotlight. He wasn’t doing anything. He traveled for a little bit during the second year, but despite being the most he’d done since being let go, he was still laying low then.

Besides, last he heard, the other lads were off doing their own things now, so the fans had plenty of other things to enjoy instead of waiting up for him.

Louis hadn’t kept up with the lads all that since he was kicked out of the band. He knew Zayn left a few months after him, and he knew that the remaining three finished up another tour on their own before calling for a hiatus and going off to do their own things. That’s all he knew. He avoided listening to new content put out by any of them. He felt as though he wouldn’t be able to cope, seeing it all. 

Maybe one day he would have a proper sit-down and catch up on it all, but, today definitely wasn’t that day. He missed the lads far too much for such actions. 

Did they miss them too? 

Louis wondered that often.

He glanced towards the corner of his room before he left it. A guitar sat there, one he bought three years ago because it was too gorgeous to pass up. He knew Niall would have loved it if he could’ve given it to him. But, since Louis had no way of getting it to Niall and he was too scared to even get it to him, the guitar stayed in its case. Sometimes Louis picked it up to play it, but not enough to call it his own guitar. It was still Niall’s, after all.

“Do you think they still think about me, Cliff?” Louis asked the dog as he poured him some food. The dog answered back with the tilt of his head and Louis sighed, grabbing a box of Coco Pops for himself and pouring a bowl. “Yeah, I’m not so sure either.”

Louis knew they probably wouldn’t be able to recognize him if they saw him in the streets. Hell, he probably wouldn’t recognize them if he saw them. Who knew how long Harry’s hair was by now? Who knew how blonde Niall was? 

Louis shook his head. He needed to stop thinking about them. They weren’t in his life anymore, and he wasn’t in theirs. Simple as that. 

But was it really that simple? Everything reminded him of his boys. He bought a guitar, for fuck’s sake! He hadn’t watched any of the latest superhero movies on the sole basis that they reminded him of Liam and Zayn.

And Harry? 

_ Everything _ reminded him of Harry. The color green, the curls in Clifford’s fur, everything. 

These boys, they were Louis’ life for four years. Everywhere he went, those boys went. Every meal, every laugh, it was all with them for four whole years. He didn’t think, at the age of 22, that he would lose it all with a snap of a finger. 

But, here he was, 26 years old, and every meal was spent with Clifford instead. 

He sometimes wondered if the lads would have liked his dog. Liam and Zayn would’ve loved Clifford. Harry would’ve made a proper joke of Clifford’s curly fur. He wasn’t sure about Niall. He was always indifferent towards dogs.

Louis finished his cereal, putting the bowl in the sink. Clifford looked up at him expectantly, waiting for Louis to grab his leash for their morning walk. The lad nodded to the dog, grabbing the leash and clipping it to the dog’s collar. 

“Yeah, yeah. I know,” Louis mumbled, “Just wait there, yeah? Gotta get ready to go out. Can’t go into town looking like this.” 

He hurried back to his room, pulling on a jumper and some trackies. He couldn’t be assed with his fashion sense these days. He usually just put on comfortable clothes and went on with his life. Louis pulled on a beanie and sunglasses to hide his face and grabbed his wallet in case he wanted to go into the shops before heading back out to his dog.

“Let’s go, mate.” He picked up the leash, leaving the house.

Walking Clifford was always one of the highlights of Louis’ day. The dog was always well-behaved, no matter where they went or what they encountered. Sure, meeting another dog always excited him, but Clifford waited for Louis’ go-ahead before running towards them.

They didn’t always go into town, either. There was a trail behind Louis’ house that he usually walked on. Going into town was special. Louis rarely did it, for fear of people recognizing him and asking him questions he wouldn’t be able to answer. But, every once in a while, he liked to go into town to look at the shops and all that. It was a change in pace, he supposed. He couldn’t stay in  _ every  _ day.

The walk into town didn’t take too long. It was only about a 45-minute walk. Those kind of walks were good for thinking - about life, about the boys, about anything. 

The streets of Manchester were busy that day. There were tons of people out, but, in their defense, it was a nice day. The sky was clear, the sun was shining - it was a pretty solid day. However, that meant a bigger chance of Louis being recognized, if there was anyone left to recognize him, that is. 

He stopped at a bookshop, tying Clifford up outside, since dogs weren’t allowed inside. He promised him he’d be back before stepping inside. 

Louis enjoyed the bookstore. He didn’t go often, but he enjoyed being there. He took some time walking through the aisles, picking up a few books along the way. 

About half an hour later, he checked out and headed back outside, excited to get back to Clifford. He turned to walk to where he tied Clifford up, expecting to see the dog jump up in excitement at the sight of him, but instead, he saw something odd.

Clifford was sitting there, polite as can be, as a short-haired bloke was petting him.

Louis frowned. He never liked when people he didn’t know touched his dog. Clifford was  _ his  _ dog, not theirs. They could get their own dog instead of petting his. 

Louis cleared his throat. “Er… What are you doing...?” he awkwardly asked. He must’ve startled the poor man, because he jumped a bit at the sound of his voice. 

“I… Uh, sorry… Is this your dog? He looked lonely out here, is all,” the bloke answered, turning away from Clifford to look at Louis. Underneath his sunglasses, Louis’ eyes met the man’s.

Everything suddenly felt cold.

The green eyes of a familiar face stared back at him.

No fucking way. It couldn’t be.

His heart broke at the sight.

He’d grown so much. He cut all his hair off.

Harry grew up.

And Louis wasn’t there for it.

“You alright, mate?” Harry - no, there was no way this was him - asked, shaking Louis out of his thoughts. He wondered if ‘Harry’ could recognize him through his disguise. He really hoped he couldn't. Louis wasn’t ready for this type of confrontation yet. Louis nodded his head. 

“I, uh… Yeah,” he mumbled back, “I just need to get home.”

“I could drive you there?” the man suggested, “It’s hot out. I’m fairly certain you walked, and, I don’t think you  _ or _ your dog would appreciate baking in the sun for however long of a walk you’ve got.” Louis frowned.

He had a point.

Even if Louis felt freezing right now, the moment Harry - or, whoever this man was - left, Louis would probably regain feeling and feel hot as hell. 

Louis shook his head. “I… I can call a cab,” he told him, “Really! It’s no trouble, I --” The man cut him off.

“I want to drive you back home,” Harry told him with a nod, finally standing up off the sidewalk. He brushed off his knees, glancing down at Clifford with a smile before looking back at Louis. “Besides, I owe you one, I think. For petting your dog without asking.” Louis let out a huff, crossing his arms and looking up at him. He was taller than he remembered. 

“Go on, then,” Louis mumbled. The man grinned, letting Louis untie his dog before leading him to his car. He tried to get into the back seat with Clifford, but ‘Harry’ refused. He wasn’t a cab driver, he reasoned. So, Louis, with a sigh, climbed into the passenger seat and told him where he lived before they took off. 

It probably wasn’t the greatest idea to get into a car with a stranger. Who knew what could have happened? But, Louis wasn’t so sure he was a stranger, and, well, he seemed nice enough not to do anything harmful.

“What’s he called?” the man asked Louis. Louis told him that his dog was named Clifford. The man nodded in response. “And, what are  _ you _ called?” 

“Excuse me?” Louis responded, “What are  _ you _ called? I deserve to know, since you could be kidnapping me, for all I know.” The man laughed, shaking his head.

“What purpose would I have for that?” he asked. Louis shrugged in response. “Well, if you must know, I’m Harry.” Louis felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“S-Styles...?” he squeaked, as if he really needed the confirmation at this point. The man who ruined his life was sitting right next to him for the first time in four years. Harry grinned and nodded once more. 

“The one and only!” Harry said with a laugh, frowning when he saw the uneasy look on Louis’ face, “What’s wrong? Never been in the presence of a  _ celebrity  _ before?” Louis frowned.

“Of course I have!”

“Yeah? Who, then?”

“Well, uh…” Louis looked out the window. “Liam Payne and Niall Horan. Zayn Malik too.” He could just imagine the smirk on Harry’s face. 

“Ah, so, you’re a One Direction fan, then, huh?”

“I uh…” Louis shifted in his seat. “Yeah, I suppose you could say that.” It got silent for a moment. Louis was almost certain he imagined the shaky breath Harry let out before he spoke.

“So, have you uh… Have you met Louis too, then…?” Harry asked. Louis froze for a second before shaking his head, unsure of what else he could have done at that moment. “Oh. That’s okay. No one knows where he is, after all.” 

Harry pulled into Louis’ driveway before anything else could be said. 

Louis quickly said goodbye to Harry, getting Clifford out and hurrying inside with him. He locked the door behind himself, letting his body sink down to the floor, hiding his face in his hands as he let out a sob.

Louis saw Harry.

Harry remembered him.

But, he didn’t remember him enough to recognize him. 

Clifford leaned against Louis. The dog knew he was upset. Louis wrapped his arms around him, burying his face into Clifford’s curly fur. 

“Oh, Cliff…” Louis sniffled, “It’s him. It’s Harry. I… He’s all grown up, now…”

Louis sat there for a while, in shock over how different Harry looked. Never in a million years would Louis have thought that Harry would chop all his hair off. It sort of suited him. Though, everything suited Harry.

He wanted to know what he was up to, these days. He wanted to know what he’d been doing the past for years. Louis wanted to hear Harry sing again, and, one bad joke wouldn’t do him harm, would it?

God, he missed Harry.

But, Harry was the one who ruined his life. 

If it weren’t for Harry, Louis would’ve been able to watch him grow up. He would have been there whenever it was that Harry cut his hair. He would’ve known  _ why  _ he chopped it all off. He would’ve been there to listen to Harry’s solo music and support him in his solo endeavors. 

If it weren’t for Harry, Louis wouldn’t have to miss him so much. 

And, Harry asked about him. 

Harry still remembered Louis. He still talked about him.

Louis just hoped Harry wouldn’t put two and two together. He hoped Harry wouldn’t realize that he drove Louis home. In all honesty, he wasn’t ready for Harry to know where he was or what he was doing. He wouldn’t be ready, if it was  _ any  _ of the lads.

He was a failure compared to the rest of them. He hadn’t done anything extraordinary in the last four years, but the boys definitely must have. Louis just felt so lost, the past few years. He wanted a solo career, like the rest of the lads, but Management assassinated his character. He had been blacklisted from every record company he tried to contact. Studios wouldn’t let him in. It was all disheartening.

So, if Harry had recognized him during the drive, and if he was ever to talk to him again, what was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do? 

Louis felt as though he forgave Harry, a little bit, at least. He knew he really shouldn’t. 

Louis thought a lot about that night those photos captured. He spent a lot of time trying to remember what exactly went on that night, desperate to get the story straight in his head. 

But he never was able to.

He already drank a few beers by the time Harry arrived, he knew that. He remembered being in an awful mood that night, but, looking back at it, Louis couldn’t remember why. He just remembered wanting to drink loads and wanting to cry a lot. He wasn’t about to cry in public, though. No one needed to see that. 

He also was never quite sure why Harry arrived late - the other three lads arrived with Louis, but went off on their own to the other side of the club. Maybe that added to Louis being upset. Maybe not having someone to talk to screwed him over more than he thought it would.

The last thing he remembered that night was Harry deciding against joining the other lads and finding a spot right next to Louis at the bar. He didn’t remember what led up to them making out in a public area. He definitely didn’t remember Harry taking pictures of them, and, apparently, posting them.

Louis wished he could still be completely mad at Harry, like he had been the first year.  

However, the distraught look on Harry’s face as Louis was being carried out of the boardroom had been permanently etched into his mind since that day. Over the years, it really did seem like it was an accident, even if Louis didn’t have the full story, on his end. Though, for all Louis knew, Harry could have led him on that night and posted photos for his own malicious intent.

Louis rubbed his face. 

For fuck’s sake.

Louis kissed Harry, and he couldn’t remember it. Louis did something he wanted to do since he had met the lad and he had absolutely no memory of it. If he went rogue, Louis definitely would’ve wanted to remember it. It would have made him being kicked out of the band loads more worthwhile, that’s for sure. 

The rest of his day went by in a blur. After crying it out for another hour, Louis finally got off the floor, taking his bag of newly bought books to his living room and plopping down on the couch for a day of reading to get his mind off Harry. But, still, as he mindlessly flipped the pages of the novel in his hands, he couldn’t help but let his thoughts drift back to the green eyes that wormed their way back into his life just hours earlier.

Eventually, he got bored of reading, closing the book and tossing it on his coffee table. Clifford sat up from where he was laying on the floor, looking up at Louis with tired eyes. Louis smiled at him, getting up to grab his phone from his room. A little YouTube viewing wouldn’t kill him.

However, Louis wasn’t expecting to hear his phone going off when he walked into his bedroom. And, it was going off a lot.

Louis cursed under his breath. Why was it doing that? He grabbed it, frowning as he saw the sudden boost in Twitter notifications.

“What the hell...?” Louis mumbled, opening the app and quickly turning off the notification alerts before going to his mentions, quickly scrolling through to figure out why exactly his phone was freaking out.

 

**@frmthedningtbl:** guyss  **@Harry_Styles** and  **@Louis_Tomlinson** reuniting is the biggest plot twist of the hiatus

**@tommotalk:** IS THAT NOT  **@LOUIS_TOMLINSON** ’S DOG WITH  **@HARRY_STYLES** ??

**@heythxredelilah:** UMM??  **@Louis_Tomlinson** is this you???  **#LarryReunion #LouisIsBack**

**@hesny: @Louis_Tomlinson** really got in a car with  **@Harry_Styles** wtf is 2018  **#LarryReunion**

**@DailyMailCeleb:** Puppy love!  **@Harry_Styles** spends day-off petting dog in Manchester, as fans speculate the pooch belongs to ex-One Direction star  **@Louis_Tomlinson**

 

“Of fucking course,” Louis muttered, tapping on the Daily Mail’s tweet. He opened the link and scrolled straight down to the pictures.

Sure enough, it was all there - him, his dog, Harry leading him to the car, everything. The good thing was that the beanie and the sunglasses hid his face quite well, so no one really could prove Louis was there. They couldn’t prove Clifford was Clifford, either. The fans had only one short clip of him, as far as Louis knew. 

Louis ran his fingers through his hair.

What were the chances of all this happening? It was mad.

He decided to tweet. It definitely wasn’t a good idea, seeing as it had been four years since he interacted with the fans. This was only going to make them freak out even more.

 

**@Louis_Tomlinson:** Who’s Harry Styles?

 

Of course, the fans freaked out. They started tweeting him more, asking him questions and reacting to what he said. Louis shrugged to himself, deciding now was a good time to start talking to the fans again.

 

**@flickerni: @Louis_Tomlinson** WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

**@Louis_Tomlinson: @flickerni** At my house ?

 

**@whereislt1: @Louis_Tomlinson** where is your album

**@Louis_Tomlinson: @whereislt1** It doesn’t exist

 

**@hesstronglwt: @Louis_Tomlinson** So … it wasn’t you in those pictures?

**@Louis_Tomlinson: @hesstronglwt** Not a chance

 

**@flickerni:** OMG  **@Louis_Tomlinson** ANSWER NIALL PLEASE

 

Louis blinked. 

Answer Niall? 

He sat down on his bed, feeling his hands start to shake as he searched for Niall’s account. He almost didn’t recognize the lad in the profile picture, expecting Niall’s hair to still be blonde, but seeing him with brown hair instead. He did not expect that. He remembered, in the early days of the band, that Niall wanted to dye his hair black. However, Management didn’t let him. He definitely didn’t think he’d ever see a brown haired Niall.

Louis shook his head, tapping on the account and scrolling down. Sure enough, Niall had tweeted him.

 

**@NiallOfficial: @Louis_Tomlinson** how hav you been?

 

Louis didn’t respond.

He couldn't. He just couldn’t. There was no good way to respond to that question. Besides, he wasn’t ready for Niall to come back into his life as well. Harry already wormed his way back in, even if he didn’t know he did. 

Which, he totally could. Louis just had no clue whether he did or not. Either way, he’d rather have a good chunk of time between each lad coming back into his life. If it were to happen, of course. It had been four years. None of them made the effort to try to talk to him. 

So, why did the world suddenly decide that today was the day?

Louis let out a shaky sigh, turning off his phone and placing it on his nightstand. He crawled into his bed, closing his eyes and trying his best to go to sleep. 

That was enough for today.


	3. Chapter 3

It was an awful night. 

Louis woke up a few times throughout the night, to the point where his sleep-deprived mind lost count. He woke up screaming, he woke up kicking, and, when morning finally came, he found himself waking up on the floor, gasping as he desperately tried to figure out where the hell he was. 

It was pretty fucking pathetic, in Louis’ opinion.

Once Clifford came into sight, sniffing Louis’ arms, Louis realized he was on the floor of his bedroom. 

He was okay.

He was safe.

He wasn’t being carried out of Syco Headquarters. Harry’s regretful eyes weren’t staring at him. He was on the floor of his bedroom in his house just outside of Manchester. He was okay, for the most part. Louis sat up, running his fingers through his messy hair as he leaned back against his equally messy bed.

The nightmare was always the same, for the most part. However, with this last bout of the dream, it changed. When he looked back at Harry, he didn’t see the same Harry he usually saw. No, the sad, scared eyes he saw every time he closed his eyes were on a different Harry - the Harry he saw yesterday. He hoped to never see that look again.

Which was why Harry could never know that he saw Louis.

Louis couldn’t bear to see that heartbreaking look on Harry’s face again. He couldn’t bear to think that, maybe, possibly, this was all his fault - that it wasn’t actually Harry’s fault, and, in reality, it was his own. He thought about that possibility a lot as it was. Louis didn’t want any confirmation of it.

He started his day like he would most other days - coloring in his calendar, feeding his dog, feeding himself, and so forth. Because, that’s what the past few years of his life had been - nothing new, always the same. It was a bit sad, sure, but he was used to it. 

He thought the day before’s actions - those of meeting Harry and Niall acknowledging him - were a one-off, and that his life would go back to normal.

He was wrong. 

Louis got a knock at his door at about noon. He jumped at the sound. No one ever came to Louis’ door. Ever. He cautiously peeked through the window, a small pang of hope growing in his chest. Oddly enough, he didn’t see anyone. 

Louis frowned, grabbing the sunglasses he set on the side table next to his sofa last night. He put them on, walking to his door and hesitantly opening it. 

No one was there.

But, a bouquet of flowers was. 

“What the hell...?” Louis picked them up, bringing them inside. They were nice flowers, though, there was no way in hell Louis could identify what any of them were. The bouquet had a color scheme - one of yellow, white, and blue - and was in a glass vase. The vase had a blue ribbon tied around it, and attached to it was a note. 

Louis was confused, more than he should have been. He blamed his lack of sleep for that, setting the vase down on his kitchen counter. Opening the note, Louis squinted at it as he read the scribbly handwriting.

 

_ You never told me your name. _

_ \- H. xx _

 

Louis rolled his eyes, carefully gliding his thumb over the writing. Of course, this was Harry. Always dramatic, always making Louis feel something - as much as Louis didn’t want to. It was a classic Harry move. Below Harry’s note was a phone number, one that Louis obviously assumed was Harry’s. He bit his lip, reaching into his pocket for his phone.

This was a terrible idea. Louis knew that. 

But, maybe, he could keep it to texting. He had switched his phone number since the last time he was in contact with the man, so Harry would never know. Perhaps it would be a good way to get back in contact with Harry without him knowing that he was back in contact with Louis. That way he could catch up with Harry without actually being in his life. Was that such a bad thing? 

Maybe it was.

Louis just didn’t want to be in Harry’s life, not as Louis, at least. No, he needed to keep his distance, mainly to avoid confrontation. 

Maybe the betrayal would set Harry in his place. Maybe it would be a good case of revenge. Louis would use a fake name, become good friends with Harry, and, when the time was right, he’d pull off his mask and show Harry that he had been Louis all along. That sort of betrayal would get Harry back for ruining Louis’ life, right? 

“Oh, come on, lad,” Louis mumbled to himself, rubbing his face as he walked into the living room, “You’re being ridiculous.” He sat down on the couch, stretching out across it. 

Perhaps it wasn’t such a bad idea, going undercover around Harry. Just for a bit, at least. He could always stop talking to Harry if it got to be too much. Or, he could tell him he was actually Louis when he was ready. Harry would probably understand. Hopefully. 

But, what if he didn’t? What if this hurts Harry, in the end?

Louis shook his head. It wouldn’t hurt to try to be a different person while he talked to Harry. He would be fine. Harry would never know. Louis would make sure of it. However, that didn’t stop the what-ifs from flooding his mind. He laid there, staring at the ceiling and biting his lip in thought for about five minutes before jumping up.

“Fuck it,” Louis muttered, pulling his phone out of his pocket and walking back down the hall to the flowers. He typed the number Harry provided into his contacts before texting him.

 

**Hey.**

_ Who is this? _

_ Where did you get my number? _

**From the flowers you gave me?**

_ Oh. _

_ Hey. _

 

Louis rolled his eyes. Harry still hadn’t lost his awkwardness, he noticed. Louis was sure Harry wouldn’t ever grow out of it. But, that’s what made Harry himself. Harry wouldn’t be Harry without the awkwardness.

 

_ So? Are you going to tell me your name, then? _

 

Louis frowned. Right, a name, then. He almost forgot about that. What could he go by? William perhaps? No, Harry might catch on with that one. Louis took a moment to think about it before finally replying. 

 

**Arthur. My name’s Arthur.**

_ Arthur? _

**You got a problem with it?**

_ No! Of course not! _

_ You just didn’t seem like an Arthur when I met you.  _

**Well. I take offense to that, Styles.**

 

They went back and forth for a while. It was nice. He missed this. He missed Harry. But, Louis had to remember that Harry was in Arthur’s life, not Louis’. That’s just how things were going to be. 

By lunch, Harry was sending videos of the place he was rehearsing at and Louis was sending videos back of Clifford. Harry sent videos of his band waving and saying hi to Arthur and Louis sent videos of Clifford waving back for Harry and each band member.

It was quite fun, really.

By night, Louis hit some trouble.

 

_ Arthur. _

_ When can I see you again? _

**What do you mean?**

_ Like, in person. _

**Well…**

**I believe that the last time you saw me in person**

**The paparazzi got ahold of me.**

_ … _

_ You saw that? _

 

Louis sighed, shaking his head as he walked upstairs to his bedroom with Clifford trailing behind him. He crawled into bed, turning off his lights and pulling the covers over his head.

 

**Of course I did.**

**They think I’m Louis Tomlinson.**

 

There was silence from Harry’s side for about ten minutes. Louis frowned. Had he caught on? He really hoped not. He thought this scheme would last, at very least, more than a day. Harry was proving otherwise.

 

**I’m not him, I hope you know.**

_ I know. _

_ You remind me of him though.  _

**Trust me.**

**I’m not.**

**I’d have a better off house if I was Louis Tomlinson.**

 

That was a lie. His house was nice enough as it was.

But, as Louis thought about it, maybe he really wasn’t  _ Louis Tomlinson _ anymore. He certainly wasn’t  _ the _ Louis Tomlinson. No, these days, he was just  _ Louis. _ Or, in Harry’s case, Arthur. He didn’t have the nice big mansion he would have had in his boyband days. He didn’t have the expensive clothes. Louis was just… normal, now, so to say. 

He didn’t mind it. He was happy, for the most part. His life could be better, but his life could be worse as well. 

Louis shook his head. He didn’t need to be thinking about this stuff, right now. He sighed, exiting the messaging app. He needed to catch up on Harry. He decided to take a look through his Instagram, and, well, it was interesting. He didn’t know Harry had been in a movie. He didn’t expect the number of rainbows on his account. It all was truly unexpected.

He wasn’t quite ready to listen to Harry’s album, but, he thought taking a look at his movie might help him get there. And, honestly? Harry was a better actor than Louis remembered. The movie was good. He never expected Harry to be in a movie, much less be one of the leads of a war movie, but, the role fit him.

Eventually, the movie finished. Louis rolled over in his bed, about to call it a night when his phone went off. He sighed as he rolled back over, grabbing his phone to see what was up. Harry had finally written back.

 

_ Come watch us rehearse tomorrow? _

**I don’t know about that Styles.**

 

Louis paused for a moment before sighing once more, shaking his head. He wanted to see him again. 

 

**Actually,**

**I suppose I could pop in for a bit.**

 

It wasn’t the best idea, hanging out with Harry and his band. It would give him more of a risk of being caught. There was a possibility of them all - Harry especially - getting attached to Arthur. Though, it already seemed Harry was attached to the fake persona. 

He knew this was going to hurt Harry. He knew. But, Louis himself wasn’t ready to be Louis to Harry, despite his own fears that he was already getting attached to Harry.

He wasn’t going to let himself get attached.

Texting was fine. Short visits were fine. But, if he found himself spending every waking moment thinking about Harry, he would need to take a huge step back. 

He wasn’t going to get attached. The lad hadn’t been in his life for four years - how hard could it be to distance himself?

He caught a glimpse of himself in the reflection of his phone’s screen and cursed under his breath. Harry would recognize him sooner or later. Louis needed to delay that, and he had an idea on how to do it.

He got out of bed, heading to his bathroom. He opened the cabinet sitting beside his mirror, grabbing a small box of bleach. He had been thinking of bleaching his hair for a while, and that day, at 1:15 in the morning, was the day he was going to do it.

After it all was said and done, Louis was quite proud of himself as he checked himself out in the mirror. He looked good. His hair was more blonde than what he wanted, to the point where it was almost white, but, he thought he looked good.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry thought he looked good, as well. 

Louis arrived at the venue Harry and his band were rehearsing at early on in their session, at about ten o’clock. He showed up in his usual attire of a hoodie and some sweatpants, along with a pair of sunglasses. He left his beanie at home, wanting to show off his hair. 

When he walked in, Harry was up on the stage, screwing around with a guitar. Louis tilted his head at that. Harry played guitar now? Louis didn’t expect that out of Harry, either. 

If Harry had changed this much, he couldn’t imagine how much the other lads changed. He already caught a glimpse of how Niall changed, but, if Harry and Niall both ended up doing things Louis never expected them to do, he couldn’t imagine how much Liam and Zayn changed.

Louis leaned against the doorway of the venue, watching Harry as he played the guitar. 

The venue was quite small. He remembered Harry telling him one night on the tour bus that he would love to do some smaller shows one day. He said there was something about them that he loved, but he couldn’t ever put a finger on it. Maybe it was the close connection between the artists and the fans, maybe it was the sound of the venues, or maybe it was the look of them. Whatever it was, Harry loved it. 

Louis was glad Harry was doing something he wanted to do.

Harry didn’t notice he was there until one of his bandmates - Mitch, Louis believed the man’s name was - tapped him on the shoulder and pointed towards where Louis was standing.

Through his sunglasses, Louis could see Harry look towards him and watched as his jaw dropped a bit, as if he hadn’t expected Arthur to walk in with platinum blonde hair. Harry quickly replaced his shocked look with a big, bright smile, hopping off the stage and hurrying over to Louis.

Louis, or, Arthur specifically, was welcomed with a hug from Harry. Louis almost teared up at the familiar arms around him. It felt like home. It felt like years and years of missing him and the boys. 

It felt like something he never wanted to let go of ever again.

“Hi, Artie,” Harry said with a grin. The nickname made Louis’ stomach do flips. It was sweet of Harry to come up with a nickname so quickly, in all honesty. The green-eyed lad pulled away from the hug, his hands on Louis’ shoulder. “How are you?”

Louis could feel a shy smile growing on his face as he looked down at his feet, his blonde hair falling in his face as he did so.

“I’m okay,” Louis murmured with a nod of his head.

What the hell was he doing, getting all shy like this? He’d never gotten so shy before, especially around Harry.

“That’s good,” Harry said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck as his gaze focused on Louis’ hair, “Your hair, uh, looks nice.” Louis looked up at Harry, taking in his awkwardness before shaking his head. 

“Thanks, Styles.” Louis pushed his slipping sunglasses further up his nose to hide his eyes, hearing Mitch clear his throat from the stage. He looked over at the man, arms crossed as he stood on stage, probably waiting for Harry to get back on stage and rehearse with them. “You know, Styles, I haven’t really heard any of your solo music, yet.”

Harry tilted his head in surprise, which, he had every right to do. Here in front of him was a man who claimed he was a fan, and yet, hadn’t listened to his recent music. Louis could think of a reason why later.

“Really, now?” Harry asked, smiling at him, “Well then, Artie, this will be a real treat for you, won’t it?” Harry couldn’t see it, but Louis was rolling his eyes at him.

“Go on, then, Styles,” Louis told him, motioning to the stage, “Run through your set for me.”

Louis knew he should have prepared himself for this on the not-so-off chance he’d get emotional over it all. This was going to be the first time in four years Louis heard Harry sing, of course, it was going to be emotional.

He definitely should have at least tried to listen to Harry’s album the night before. However, bleaching his hair took longer than he expected, and while he honestly could’ve had a listen through while waiting for his hair to set, he didn’t think about it until after the fact. Louis wasn’t completely ready for Harry’s music, but he needed to be.

And, just as Louis thought, the set was emotional.

It was beautiful, Harry’s setlist. It was the perfect mixture of all things Harry. It was rock music and ballads. It was One Direction covers and old demos. It was all so wonderfully Harry that Louis wanted to cry.

But Louis knew how to control his tears, so he definitely did not cry.

That is, until they got to the encore.

It was then that Louis knew for sure that he should have listened to Harry’s album ahead of time. The song was absolutely heartbreaking. He never heard Harry sound so lost and broken while singing a song. It was almost upsetting for Louis, hearing the way Harry’s voice would break.

And, Louis couldn’t help but wonder if the song was about him.

“ _ Woke up the girl who looked just like you, _ ” Harry sang, his head down and his hands wrapped tightly around the microphone stand, “ _ I almost said your name.” _

Louis didn’t realize he was crying until then, the trance Harry’s voice had pulled him into suddenly breaking at the realization that there were tears running down his face.

Louis cursed under his breath, running his fingers through his hair. He needed to leave. He couldn’t do this. If he stayed and continued crying, Harry would try to comfort him, and, he really didn’t want that. It would be too risky. It would make too big of a mess.

Unable to think of any other option, Louis got up and walked out of the venue.

“ _ We haven’t spoke since you -- _ ” Louis heard Harry cut himself off and knew for sure that he saw him leaving. “A-Arthur…” 

Louis wanted to stop. He wanted to turn around and stay, after hearing Harry’s sad voice call out his name. But, he needed to get out of there. He couldn’t risk ruining everything. Not yet, at least. He made his way out to the venue’s parking lot and climbed into his car. Not wanting to feel like complete shit over leaving, he pulled out his phone and texted Harry.

 

**Hey Styles. Sorry I walked out.**

**It was getting to be a bit too emotional for me.**

**But**

**Maybe if I calm down I’ll come back inside.**

 

Perhaps he would be fine in ten minutes, or so. All he needed to do was calm down. The song just caught him off guard, was all. There was no other reason for him to be upset about it, right? It was just a sad song. That’s all it was. It had absolutely nothing to do with him. 

Louis made his seat lie flat, laying back and closing his eyes. He just needed to relax. That way, he could get back in there and not feel like a terrible person for walking out of the venue while Harry was still singing.

However, Louis never went back inside the venue.

The next thing Louis remembered was a knock on his car’s window. He sleepily opened his eyes, jumping at the sight of Harry’s face sitting right outside of it. He reached for his face, making sure his sunglasses were still on before sitting up and rolling down the window.

“Y-yes…?” Louis asked, looking over at Harry.

“I scared you,” Harry said, a slight smirk showing on his face for a moment before being replaced with a more serious look, “Are you okay? You never came back.”

Louis grabbed his phone to check the time. “Shit,” Louis mumbled upon the realization that he’d been in his car for a little over four hours, “Styles, mate, I’m sorry. I must’ve fallen asleep. I promise I’ll hang out tomorrow, I just --” 

“Arthur,” Harry cut him off, “Let me in, yeah?” 

Louis let out a sigh as he leaned over to unlock the door on the other side of the car, pushing it open for the curly-haired lad. 

Harry’s hair was a right mess, Louis noticed as Harry crawled into the car. He knew it was from performing, but he preferred the look it had now over the prim and proper look his hair had when he bumped into Harry the other day.

Harry quickly figured out how to tilt his seat back to the same level Louis still had his at, leaning back in the seat as he looked over at him. Louis laid back as well.

“So, Artie,” Harry started, “ _ Are  _ you okay?”

Was he okay?

Louis didn’t know, to be honest. However, it was definitely not the answer Harry was looking for. No, Louis questioning his own wellness was on a whole different level than Harry questioning it. 

Louis nodded his head, sighing a bit. “Yeah, I suppose,” Louis answered, “I just… I guess I’m just overtired. It took all night to make myself look this good, you know.” He motioned to his hair, a grin on his face. Harry let out a soft laugh.

“You do look good,” Harry told him, reaching out to push a stray lock of hair out of Louis’ face. “But you shouldn’t have to stay up all night doing your hair.” Louis shrugged at that. 

“I just got the urge to do it, last night,” Louis explained, rubbing at his forehead. He looked back over at Harry, who had turned onto his side in the seat, his head leaning on his hand and a fond smile on his face. 

“What?” Louis asked with a laugh, sitting up and looking over at him. “What’s up?” 

“Artie, you’re wearing sunglasses, and the sun’s setting,” Harry pointed out, “You don’t need them right now. Take them off.” Louis frowned a little at that, looking away with a sigh.

What was he supposed to do now? Harry was questioning why he was wearing sunglasses and Louis didn’t have a good enough reason for it. He couldn’t just burst out and tell him everything, so he had to think fast.

“Arthur?”

Louis blinked, turning back to Harry. “Hmm?”

“You can keep them on, if you want. I just thought it was a bit odd, is all,” Harry murmured, looking down at his hands, “But, if you want them on, you can keep them on. I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

Louis’ heart melted. Harry had always been so sweet. He missed it. 

“No, it’s fine, Styles,” Louis responded, “I’m not upset. I just… I need them on, is all. My eyes are sensitive. I need to protect them.” Harry nodded quietly, causing Louis to frown more.

“Styles, I’m fine. I promise,”  Louis reassured him, laying back down in his seat to look at Harry. He reached out to touch Harry’s hand, trying to show him he was fine. “C’mon mate, don’t be upset. You being upset is what’s upsetting me.” Harry squeezed Louis’ hand, giving him a small smile before sitting up.

“I should go.” 

“Styles,” Louis spoke, “Harry… Please stay for a bit.” Harry let out a dramatic sigh, flopping back in his seat.

“Oh, I  _ suppose _ I’ll stay. Anything for you, Artie.” 

This was exactly why Louis needed to be Arthur for a while. He could actually talk to Harry, this way. He could talk to him in a nice manner. If Harry knew he was Louis, this moment wouldn’t have existed, and things would probably be worse off between them. They’d probably be arguing, crying, and possibly even throwing things at each other right now, if Harry knew.

For a quick moment, he almost never wanted Harry to know he was Louis. 

Sure, Louis would have to tell him eventually, but he wanted to enjoy a bit of bliss between them first before all of the chaos. One day, he’d tell him, just, not yet.

“So, what are your thoughts on the setlist?” Harry asked him, tilting his head, “Or, at least, your thoughts on it up until you had to step out.” 

“It’s good. Like, really good. It suits you,” Louis answered, “Your music is really good.” Harry got all shy at that, trying to find excuses and downplay Louis’ compliments. Louis leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes.

He hoped that, one day, when Harry knew Arthur’s true identity, they’d still be able to do this, that they’d still be able to lay in a car, talking while the day turned to night around them. 

One day.

One day, when things between them were mended up. One day, when, things between them weren’t, well, whatever Louis was imagining it to be. One day, when, maybe, Louis was back in touch with the other lads, as well.

One day, he could be doing all this as Louis instead of Arthur.

“Artie…?” Louis opened his eyes in response to hearing Harry’s voice, turning to look at him. Harry shook his head. “Nothing. I just thought you fell asleep. Are you still tired?”

Come to think of it, Louis was, indeed, still very much tired. Exhausted, really. He got very little sleep, the past few days. He had every right to be tired. Louis nodded his head, ready to sleep for a while.

“You wanna crash at mine, then?” Harry asked, sitting up, “It’s closer, and, you wouldn’t have to drive. I’ll tell Mitch or Adam, or someone else, to drive your car back home, if you want. Oh! But… your dog. He’s probably been waiting all day, right?” Louis shrugged in response, letting out a yawn.

“I’ll just text someone to stop in and take care of him.”

And so, Louis and Harry got out of Louis’ car and headed to the other side of the parking lot to get into Harry’s car. While walking, Louis texted a friend to ask if they could stop in with Clifford overnight. He responded back quickly, saying it was fine and telling Louis to have fun with whatever was keeping him out of the house. 

It was going to be nice to spend a night somewhere else. Louis hadn’t spent a night anywhere but his house for a long time.

Maybe a change of pace would do Louis some good.


	5. Chapter 5

It didn’t take long to get to Harry’s house.

His place looked gorgeous from the outside. It was much bigger than Louis’ and obviously looked much nicer. It was a proper mansion, compared to Louis’ house. 

Harry drove down the driveway and pulled into his garage, all while Louis was looking out the window at the land Harry owned. 

“You like it, Art?” Harry asked, a warm smile on his face as they got out of the car. Louis quietly nodded, following Harry inside as he tried to take everything in. 

His house felt like a home. It was nicely decorated, pictures of his family and friends everywhere. It looked warm and welcoming, a stark contrast to Louis’ own house. Louis hadn’t bothered to decorate his house all that much, his motivation for most everything thrown out the window. Louis’ house was cold and unwelcoming. 

Harry’s house suited Harry. Perhaps Louis’ house suited the empty shell that was left of himself.

“Your house is beautiful, Styles,” Louis murmured as he wandered around the living room, aimlessly looking at the photos displayed in it. He froze once he got to the fireplace, his eyes catching sight of a particular photo. It was old, but, it was still recent.

It was the last photo he and Harry had taken together before Louis was removed from the band. 

Louis just stared at it.

Harry still had photos of him.

The fireplace mantle was dedicated to photos of the five of them, really. But, either way, Louis didn’t expect to see a framed photo of himself out on display at Harry’s house. 

Harry must have noticed Louis was looking at that picture, because he came over to look at it too. 

“That’s the last picture we took together, Lou and I,” Harry told him, “Two days before, well… Two days before everything happened.”

“You two look happy,” Louis noted. 

They did.

Even if it was in the midst of everything changing between them, they still looked happy. 

Louis remembered taking it. He had stolen Harry’s phone out of his hands, claiming he’d been on his phone far too much. After play-fighting over it for a couple of minutes and laughing their heads off, Louis hijacked his phone’s camera, taking pictures of them together.

They were happy.

And, then things changed.

“I just… I miss him a lot. I miss the other lads too, but I’m still in contact with Liam and Niall, and, I don’t really have contact with Zayn, sure, but at least I see him around sometimes. The last time I saw Louis’ face was two years ago when people kept tagging me in videos of him over Christmas.” Harry shook his head with a sigh.

“I just wish I knew where he was. I wish I could tell him that I’m sorry.”

Louis felt guilty. He wanted to pull off his sunglasses right then and there and tell Harry that he was right in front of him. He wanted to tell him that everything was okay, and that he wasn’t mad at him.

But, he couldn’t do that.

He was only doing this, being Arthur, because he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to face confrontation. He wasn’t ready for the ‘where’ve you beens’ and the ‘how are yous’ and the ‘let me explains.’ He wanted to avoid all that as much as he possibly could, for as long as possible. 

“Styles,” Louis spoke, “I’m… I’m sure Louis is just doing his own thing right now. When he’s ready, he’ll come and find you, yeah? And, when you apologize to him, for whatever it is, I’m sure he’ll forgive you. You just got to be patient.” Harry nodded, letting out another sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Yeah,” Harry mumbled, “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Sorry for venting to you, Arthur. I don’t really have many people to talk to about that stuff, is all.” Louis shrugged, telling him that it was perfectly fine.

“Let’s eat something, maybe? Perhaps watch a movie, as well?” Louis asked Harry, nodding towards where he assumed the kitchen was, “You got any ice cream?” That got a smile out of Harry.

They spent the next few hours on Harry’s couch, watching some dumb romantic comedy on Netflix as they ate chocolate ice cream. The movie wasn’t the greatest, but that’s what made it good.

Louis would never in a million years pick the movie they were watching out. The movie was Harry’s choosing, of course. Harry told him that he liked to just search for romantic comedies and pick one that looked awful to watch. It would be more fun, Harry told him, because they could sit there and make fun of the movie, instead of sitting in silence.

And, it  _ was _ fun, sitting there with Harry and making jokes about the shitty movie Harry picked out. 

It was in that moment that Louis realized that he felt happy. Louis felt genuinely happy. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt genuine happiness, to be honest. Perhaps it was when he got Clifford. He didn’t know. Sure, he’d felt happy since then, but it was always overshadowed by sadness. 

Harry made him happy, he realized, as Harry burst into laughter at something Louis said.

He was beautiful.

His short curls fell into his scrunched up face as he leaned forward to hide his face in his hands in a bout of laughter.

Louis wanted to kiss him.

His eyes widened at that thought. 

Fuck. 

He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t kiss Harry. 

Louis sat up straight, running his fingers through his blonde hair. Harry noticed Louis’ sudden discomfort, turning to look at him.

“You okay?” Harry asked him, a concerned tone in his voice. Louis nodded quietly, clearing his throat as he struggled to look at Harry.

“I’m… Yeah. I’m fine. Perfectly fine.” The credits began to roll and Louis glanced over at Harry. “I think it’s time I go to bed. Where… Where am I crashing?” 

He was tired. That’s probably why he was thinking about kissing Harry. He was overtired, was all. Harry stood, leading him upstairs and to one of the house’s guest rooms. The room was the size of a master bedroom. It - like the rest of the house - was decorated nicely, despite just being a guest room. 

“There’s some clothes in the dresser, if you want to change into something else to sleep in,” Harry told him, “My room’s at the end of the hall, so, if you need anything, you know where to find me.” Harry left the room, closing the door behind him. Louis let out a sigh, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

He needed to take a step back. Being friends with Harry was one thing, but, wanting to kiss him?

No. Not happening. It couldn’t.

Maybe sleeping it off would actually help, though.

He glanced over at the dresser. Harry  _ did  _ offer him clothes to wear. It wouldn’t hurt to look to see what was in them. He crouched in front of the drawers, going through them until he found a black hoodie. It looked to be Harry’s merch, but it was kind of cool looking, he supposed. 

Louis took off the hoodie and joggers he was wearing, neatly folding them and setting them on top of the dresser, before pulling on the new hoodie. 

It was quite big on him, but - assuming that these were Harry’s clothes - Louis was much smaller than Harry. It was comfortable, though.

He started feeling a bit uneasy as he crawled into the bed. The bed was comfortable too, but, it wasn’t his bed, and, Clifford wasn’t here to cuddle with. It was strange, was all. That uneasy feeling didn’t mean too much to him, though, as it didn’t take long for him to fall asleep after he laid down. 

He woke up shouting, his body thrashing under the covers.

“H-Harry! Wait! Come back! Harry!” Louis shouted, freaking out, “Harry!” He tried to reach out for Clifford, but couldn’t find him as he heard footsteps coming towards his room and the door pushing open.

“Arthur?” Harry asked, rushing over to the bed, “Artie, mate, you okay?” 

It only caused Louis to freak out more. Where the hell was he? Harry was here. Could he see his face? Louis reached up for his face, breathing heavily as he felt the sunglasses still over his eyes. He must not have slept for long.

“W-where…?” Louis managed to squeak out.

“You’re at my house,” Harry told him, carefully sitting down on the edge of the bed. “You’re safe. I’m safe, too. Everything’s okay. You just had a bad dream, I think.”

He did.

He had a dream that Harry found out he was Louis. Harry got upset and left, hence shouting for him to come back.

At least it was something different this time.

“Do… Do you have nightmares like that often?” Harry asked him. Louis shrugged.

“I used to. And then it stopped for a few months. Now it’s back. Been back for a few days, I suppose. It’s why I have a dog, really. For comfort when I wake up in the middle of the night,” Louis mumbled, not looking at him, “It’s usually the same one, over and over. This one was completely different.” He sighed when he felt Harry get up, rolling over to face the wall. 

“Move over, Artie,” Harry told him, lifting the covers a bit. Louis rolled over, moving to give him a bit of space in the process.

“Why?” Louis asked, watching Harry climb into bed. Harry shrugged.

“So you don’t have any more nightmares tonight,” Harry answered with an assuring nod, pushing blonde hair off Louis’ sweaty forehead, “And, well, if you do have another one, then, I’m right here.” 

Louis could’ve cried. A clearly sleepy Harry - a shirtless one at that - wanted to sleep in the same bed as him to keep him safe. 

Bless him.

“Thank you, Harry,” Louis murmured. Harry nodded in response, yawning.

“Anything for you, Arthur.” He smiled before blinking and lifting up the covers. “Are you wearing my merch?” Louis shrugged, smiling a little.

“It’s comfortable.” 

“It’s kind of hot, to be honest.” Louis rolled his eyes, playfully shoving him.

“Go back to bed, you narcissist.” Harry laughed at that, shaking his head.

“I’m not going to sleep until you’re asleep,” Harry told him, before poking at Louis’ sunglasses, “You’re really gonna sleep with those on? Isn’t that uncomfortable?”

Shit.

“I’ll be fine. Usually sleep with them on, after all,” Louis lied, pulling the covers tighter over himself as he looked up at Harry. 

He really didn’t expect this to happen. If he did, he would have said no to staying over for the night. Harry could catch him, if he wasn’t careful. 

Perhaps it was for the best, if Harry found out sooner, rather than later. He wouldn’t be as mad, then. The longer Louis stretched this out, the more mad Harry would be, right?

Regardless, Louis would never get to see Harry like this ever again, if he found out his true identity. He would never get to joke around with Harry. He would never get to lay next to him like this ever again. He’d have to face the same cold demeanor he faced four years ago, and, Louis didn’t think he could handle that. 

He just needed more time. 

He just needed his friend for a bit longer, so he didn’t have to feel cold for once in his life.

Harry ran his fingers through his dark curls. “You okay, Artie...?” Harry asked, biting his lip, “Is there anything I can do?”

His voice.

His voice made him feel safe, like everything was okay. Louis hummed softly in response to the question. 

“Just… Keep talking,” Louis murmured, curling up next to Harry, “About whatever you want. Just keep talking.” 

And so, Harry started talking. Louis could quite remember what about, but, listening to him talk helped a lot in getting him back to sleep. There was something soothing about hearing his voice. It was warm. It was soft and slow as Harry spoke, his voice soon cradling Louis to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

The next time Louis woke up wasn’t because of the nightmares.

No, the next time he woke up was because of the sun shining into the room. He made it the rest of the night without a trace of another nightmare.

However, he found himself with his head on Harry’s bare chest, Harry’s arms lazily wrapped around him.

Louis bit his lip.

Harry was gorgeous.

He looked so peaceful, the bit of sunlight seeping in through the window not bothering him as he slept. His dark curls fell in his face overnight; a contrast to the pushed back style Louis had been seeing the past few days. Louis might have preferred his hair like this, all unstyled.

And, his tattoos. Harry got more in the past few years, Louis noticed as he looked down at the arm wrapped around him. They fit in with the rest of the tattoos, each of them probably having some sort of meaning to them. 

Harry’s tattoos always had meanings, even if there wasn’t a huge story to go with it. He had tattoos for his family and friends. He had tattoos commemorating places he went. All of them had meaning, unlike Louis’ tattoos, in which half of them he got because they looked cool to him. Sure, Louis’ probably had some sort of meaning, in the end, but, the main reason he got them was for aesthetic purposes.

Louis felt Harry’s body shift under him and closed his eyes. Would Harry find it creepy, if he saw that Louis was awake and made no effort to move? Louis didn’t know. Either way, Louis pretended to be asleep.

He heard Harry let out a yawn, his arm moving off of Louis as he stretched. Louis felt Harry stop, probably figuring out that they had been cuddling through the night. 

“Shit,” Louis heard Harry shakily let out. Louis was a bit confused at that. Obviously, Harry was going to react, but Louis didn’t really expect that. He suddenly felt a hand running through his hair and it took everything in his power to not let out a groan at how good it felt. 

“Arthur,” Harry whispered, his voice sending chills down Louis’ spine, “Arthur, it’s time to wake up. Please. Wake up.” There was a tone in his voice that made him sound almost desperate for Louis to get up, so Louis opened his eyes, tilting his head to look up at Harry. 

“Hmm?” Louis hummed, leaning into Harry’s hand as the lad continued to run his fingers through Louis’ blonde hair. Harry bit his lip as he looked down at Louis, stopping his hand. Louis felt Harry’s hand slowly move down to the side of his face, his thumb stroking his cheek. 

Louis wasn’t going to say that he didn’t like it, but, it probably wasn’t a thing that should’ve been happening between them.

“Styles,” Louis let out, “What are you doing?” That seemed to get Harry back to earth. He dropped his hand, looking away.

“Right, um,” Harry mumbled, “It’s time to get up.” Louis sat up and looked down at him. 

Was Harry starting to feel something for him? For Arthur, actually? Louis didn’t know. 

He couldn’t.

Not that quick, at least. Right?

It was different for Louis. Louis had feelings for Harry long before this. Well, it was the same for Harry too, but, towards Louis. Not Arthur. But, that was a long time ago. Louis doubted Harry still had feelings towards his true identity.

Harry only just met Arthur. However, Louis knew Harry fell fast for people, if that’s truly what was going on. He was both a witness and a victim of it.

Harry stared up at him for a moment, his green eyes looking as if they were searching for something, anything. Louis didn’t know what for, but it seemed as though Harry didn’t find it, the man letting out a sigh as he finally sat up.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” Harry told him with a slight nod, “Why don’t you make breakfast? That way we can eat and then get you home, so you can shower and all that.” Harry stood, briskly walking out of the room and off to a bathroom somewhere within the labyrinth that was his house.

Louis didn’t know how to cook. He burned everything he tried to make. How could he be expected to make breakfast?

Yet, Harry had a point. It would be quicker to have Louis make breakfast while Harry showered than wait for Harry to both shower and make breakfast. 

Louis made his way down the stairs, navigating towards the kitchen.

After rummaging through the cupboards, Louis found something he could actually prepare amongst the organic, health-kick foods.

Coco Pops.

Louis reached for the box, pleased with himself for finding it. After seeing the rest of the food in Harry’s house, Louis was quite surprised to find such a sugary cereal in Harry’s possession. He couldn’t wait to tease Harry about it as they ate.

Harry’s response was that it was good to have something sugary to snack on. Louis rolled his eyes at that, proceeding to tease him some more. 

Once they were done eating and were ready to leave, they got into Harry’s car. The ride was nice. They talked and laughed, acting as if they’d known each other for forever. It was nice.

Eventually, Harry pulled into Louis’ driveway, and Louis said goodbye. He walked into his house with a smile on his face, kneeling down to pet Clifford when the dog padded over to greet him.

As great as Harry’s house was, Louis was happy to be home.

“So, where’ve you been, then?” Louis looked up at the owner of the voice, sighing as he pushed his sunglasses up onto the top of his head.

“I was out, Calvin. Simple as,” Louis mumbled, frowning at the man who had been one of his best mates since they were young, “It’s really none of your business as to where I was.”

“Louis, mate, take a look at yourself,” Calvin told him, “You’re suddenly going out at night. You’ve apparently got blonde hair now. What’s gotten into you?” Louis frowned, crossing his arms.

“What’s gotten into  _ you _ ? You’ve suddenly gotten extra intrusive, haven’t you?” he retorted. 

Calvin didn’t respond. He just stared at him. Louis blinked in confusion. Did he have something on his face? He reached a hand up to rub at his face, catching a glimpse at what he was wearing.

Fuck.

He still had Harry’s merch on.

“Calvin, I --” Louis tried to explain himself, tried to tell him it wasn’t what it looked like, but the lad cut him off before he could.

“You. Did. Not.” Calvin put his head in his hands, starting to pace. “Tell me you did not sleep with Harry  _ fucking  _ Styles. When the fuck did that even happen?  _ How  _ the fuck did that even happen? I thought you were still upset with him --” It was Louis turn to cut Calvin off, depriving him of a chance to hyperventilate.

“Cal!” Louis shouted, grabbing the man’s shoulders, “We didn’t do anything, yeah? He offered to let me crash at his place for the night, and I did. It was nice, for the most part. Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. We watched a movie and then went to sleep. That’s all. I ran into him while in town the other day. It’s not a big deal.” 

“So, it  _ was  _ you in those pictures then! I knew I recognized Clifford! How did Harry react to seeing you again? I suppose he took it well, since you’re still in contact. Just, why the shade on Twitter? Was it to deflect from everything? To keep everything quiet for you two?”

“About that…” Louis trailed off, only to be interrupted by someone knocking the door. Calvin huffed, stomping over to it, and, before Louis could stop him, opening it.

“What?” He heard Calvin grouchily ask.

“C-Calvin…?” Harry’s voice rang through Louis’ ears. “I uh… May I speak to Arthur?”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Louis quickly pushed his sunglasses down over his eyes and hurried over to the door. He couldn’t let Calvin say anything that would give him away. He felt like he was going to die, his heart was pounding so fast. He couldn’t let Calvin ruin everything for him. 

“Styles! H-hi!” Louis quickly squeaked out, resting an arm on Calvin’s shoulder, though, it looked a bit awkward since Calvin was taller than him. “D-don’t mind him. You… You know how older siblings are.” They both looked at him in confusion. Different degrees of confusion, of course. 

“Calvin’s your…?” Harry questioned, frowning as he looked at the two of them. He shook his head, extending his hand out. “Right. Uh… You left this in my car, Arthur.” In his hand was Louis’ phone. Louis nodded, thanking him before taking the phone from Harry’s tattooed hand.

“I… I also forgot to ask you… I’ve got to do a photo-shoot today, in about three hours. Do you maybe want to hang out over there?” Louis bit his lip at that, unsure how to answer.

He would love to hang out with Harry some more, of course, but, with Calvin knowing about him and Harry now, he wasn’t sure it was the best thing to do. Either way, Louis was sure Calvin would be endlessly teasing Louis over this. Louis ran his fingers through his hair, shrugging at Harry.

“Yeah,” Louis mumbled, “Sure, mate. Just pick me up when it’s time.” Harry smiled sheepishly at that, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

“About that…” 

Louis blinked in response, elbowing Calvin in the chest as a signal for him to leave. Calvin got the message, ruffling up Louis’ hair before he walked off. Louis looked up at Harry, tilting his head as he waited for the Holmes Chapel lad to continue.

“The shoot’s also about three hours away.”

Louis cursed in response, rubbing his face. He already agreed, so he couldn’t really change his mind, now. He would feel too bad. 

“I just… Give me ten minutes to shower, yeah? And I guess, uh…” He took a look around his house, making sure it was clean. He didn’t want to embarrass himself too much with how shit his house looked compared to Harry’s. “I guess you can sit on the couch or grab something to drink, or something. I don’t know. Just… Just don’t go upstairs, yeah? It’s only really my bedroom and bathroom up there, so don’t.” 

There was nothing incriminating downstairs. No pictures or awards, no instruments, nothing. Everything that gave way to Louis’ true identity was in his room. Most of it was in boxes, since Louis never had the motivation to unpack everything. But, if Harry were to see a cardboard box titled ‘AWARDS’ or a shoebox labeled ‘THE LADS,’ Louis knew he’d start asking questions, and Louis really didn’t want that.

“I’ll just be waiting down here, then.” He watched as Harry sat on the couch, taking in the yellow jumper and black jeans he was wearing. He looked soft, and his curls peeking out from under the beanie he was wearing only proved it more. Louis shook his head as Harry crossed his legs, deciding now was the time to head upstairs.

Louis reached for the doorknob of his bedroom, opening it only to be pulled into it by Calvin. Louis gasped in surprise at that. He obviously wasn’t expecting to be dragged into his bedroom like that. No one ever is.

“What the fuck?”

“I should be asking you the same thing,  _ Arthur Rodgers. _ ” Louis sighed, pushing his hair out of his face.

“Look. Harry doesn’t know who I am,” Louis muttered, “And I’d like it to be kept that way. I’m sorry I brought you into it, but, I panicked and needed some sort of explanation as to why you were here.” Calvin sighed to that. 

“You look nothing like my brother, for the record,” Calvin told him, crossing his arms. “But, yeah. I’ll keep quiet, sure. Just know that this is going to fuck Harry up when it’s all said and done. And I don’t support that. Just fucking tell him who you are, mate.” Louis quickly shook his head.

“I’m not ready to. Not yet.” 

Calvin gave him a look but didn’t say anything else on the matter. 

“Well, I suppose I have to hang out here, still? Since you’re going off with him again.” 

“Yeah, mate. I’m sorry. Look, I’ll pay you, okay?” Calvin shook his head. 

“If he’s making you happy, I don’t want to get paid. I want you to be able to see him whenever. And if that means me having to watch Clifford for a bit, and you putting on a disguise, then so be it. Just, be careful, yeah?”

Louis gave Calvin a grateful smile, motioning towards the door for Calvin to leave, so Louis could get ready.

It didn’t take long to get ready after Calvin had left the room. In fact, he was walking back down to Harry about eight minutes later. It would have been ten minutes, if he had dried his hair, but he decided against it, letting it air dry, since the drive would be long anyway.

He walked out in a red and blue jumper and black jeans, pushing his sunglasses up his nose to make sure his eyes were hidden. He saw Harry and Calvin sitting on the couch, in the middle of a conversation. Harry looked up, a smile on his face as he caught sight of Louis. Louis heard Harry’s voice waver a bit as he finished up his sentence, his eyes fixated on Louis’ wet hair. 

Louis walked over, sitting on the other side of Harry. “Hey.”

“H-hi,” Harry stuttered out before quickly clearing his throat and standing up, holding a hand out to Louis, “You ready?” 

Louis glanced over at Calvin, who gave him an encouraging nod, before taking Harry’s hand and pulling himself off the couch. After squeezing Harry’s hand, he let go of it, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Bye, you two!” Calvin called after them as they headed out the door, “Be safe!” Louis flipped him off as he and Harry walked out the door. 

Harry let out a soft laugh as he opened the door for Louis. “He’s become more of a headass since the last time I saw him.” Louis got in, closing the door himself and buckling up as he waited for Harry to get into the car.

When Harry got in, Louis realized something was off with him. He looked like he had just seen a ghost. He was shaky, fumbling a bit as he tried to get his keys in the ignition. Louis bit his lip, reaching his hand out to steady Harry’s.

“Styles. Harry. Are… Are you okay? I know it’s weird that I’m Calvin’s brother. But I’m still the same person.” Harry looked at him, quickly shaking his head.

“No, I uh… Just… Why didn’t you tell me you knew Louis?”

“I don’t,” Louis slowly responded, trying to come up with a good answer, “I think I’ve met him once. But it was only in passing. I don’t really know him. He’s Cal’s friend. Not mine.” Harry sighed at that.

“He filled me in on Louis, while you were getting ready.” 

Louis felt his heart drop to his stomach at that. What could he have said? Calvin said he wasn’t going to say anything. He should’ve known Calvin would spill to Harry right away.

“He’s moved on, Arthur. Doesn’t want anything to do with the band. He’s happy, and, in love too, apparently. Calvin didn’t know much on that. Said he hadn’t seen Louis in about a year.”

Louis’ heart broke for Harry as a pained expression painted itself across his face. He felt awful. Was he really causing Harry this much pain?

“Harry,” he softly spoke, “You… You’re okay. Who needs him anyway?” He can fuck off if he doesn’t want anything to do with you.” He got a slight smile out of that, Harry leaning over and wrapping Louis into a hug.

“Thank you, Artie.” The hug lingered between them for a few moments before Harry finally came to his senses, successfully starting the car. 

“Now, let’s get going.”


	7. Chapter 7

The ride was long, to say the least.

It wasn’t a bad sort of long, Louis supposed. It was a pretty drive, with loads of backroads and very little of the drive belonging in the city. It was gorgeous, the scenery - perfect for a road trip.

Harry had the radio on the whole time. Classic rock and the usual road trip songs echoed through the car the whole way down. Harry sang for most of the drive, his voice loud and proud. Louis would have been annoyed by it, if it were anyone else. However, something about it being Harry singing made it tolerable, as Louis stared out the window at the trees and fields rushing by, lost in his own thoughts.

At some point, Harry turned the radio down, causing Louis to sit up and look over at him. Harry glanced over at him, a slight smile on his face.

“Oh. I thought you fell asleep.”

“I’m not a sloth, Styles. I don’t need to sleep all the time.” That got a laugh out of Harry.

“Mate, you fell asleep in your car last night.” 

“Shut. You’ve seen first hand that I’ve got sleep issues.”

Harry frowned, his fingers tapping the wheel, as if he was deep in thought for a brief moment. Louis looked away, staring at the road. 

Perhaps the night before’s events were upsetting to Harry. They were upsetting to Louis, but that was a given. Come to think of it, he didn’t know what he did last night that brought Harry into the room Louis was sleeping in. He just remembered Harry bursting through the door. Nothing before that.

“H-Harry…?” Louis squeaked out, quickly shaking his head before clearing his throat, “I… What happened last night? I mean… I know what happened, but, I didn’t… I didn’t wake you, did I?” Harry shook his head.

“No, Artie. I was awake. I was falling asleep a little, yeah, but, you didn’t wake me up,” Harry assured him, “I was writing. Or… I was trying to. I’ve been stuck on a verse for a bit, is all. I had my eyes closed, trying to think of something to write. Then… Then I heard you shouting for me, telling me to come back. You sounded scared, and that scared me a little, to be honest, but, you needed protecting. So… I went to protect you.” Louis bit his lip, looking down at his hands.

“Thank you, Harry,” he murmured, “No one’s ever done that for me. So, thank you.” 

He’d kiss Harry, right then and there, if he was actually Arthur, and if Harry wasn’t driving.

Harry smiled at him, turning the music back up a little. Louis watched as Harry opened his mouth to sing before stopping himself and looking back over at him. 

“Why don’t you sing?” Harry asked him. Louis gave him a shrug, pretending he didn’t know when he knew exactly why he did. He’d never sing in front of Harry as Arthur, to be honest. He knew for sure Harry would recognize his singing voice.

But, the truth in it all was that Louis hadn’t sung a single note since the last show he performed while still in the band. After he was kicked out, he sort of gave up on it. It was sad, yes, but since then, the thought of singing upset him. 

He didn’t get the memo, when he was kicked out, that he was technically allowed a solo career like the other lads. Though, he probably wouldn’t have gone with one, to be honest, despite the many songs he’d attempted to write in a journal he kept under his pillow. 

“I bet you have a good voice,” Harry continued, giving Louis a shrug back, “I mean, your brother’s got a good voice. Used to wander around backstage singing. I think he secretly wanted to be the sixth member. It was cute. But, yeah. If he has a good voice, then maybe you will too.”

“I just… I don’t like doing it, lad,” Louis responded, “I’d rather listen to someone good sing. Like you.” Harry grinned at that, turning up the radio just a little bit more as he returned to singing.

He could have fallen in love at the sight of him, right then, driving on rural roads, singing classics, being himself. He was perfect. 

It was a shame that he missed out on four years of this.

Eventually, Harry pulled into a parking lot of a nature reserve. Louis sat up, looking over at him as he turned the car off. 

“We have to walk now,” Harry told him, a slight smile on his face. Louis gave him a dramatic sigh, rubbing his forehead. 

“It best be a short walk, Styles.”

It wasn’t.

“What exactly is this shoot for, Styles?” Louis questioned, hands in his pockets as he walked over yet another hill with Harry. “It better be for something good, or I’m literally never going to talk to you ever again. My legs fucking hurt, mate.”

“It’s for a few things. Magazine shoot, tour promo, maybe an album cover,” Harry answered with a shrug, “Not long now, Art. Just over this hill.”

Beyond the hill, a trailer was set up for Harry, as well as a few for the crew. A few members of the crew stood outside, waiting for Harry to show up.

Harry did his usual Harry thing and greeted every member of the crew, introducing himself and Arthur to every single member of the crew. Louis followed behind him, keeping his hands in his pockets to avoid shaking hands with anyone. 

Some of these people looked familiar, most likely crew members of Louis’ past. Harry looked back at him each time, motioning for him to say hello or shake their hand, anything to be polite and acknowledge them, but Louis didn’t. It was far too risky.

“He’s shy,” Harry would say in some form to every single person. Sure, it was embarrassing, but it was better than having someone figure out who he was. 

Louis was instructed to either stand to the side or sit in Harry’s trailer as the shoot took place. He decided to sit against the trailer, his hands combing through the grass around him as he watched Harry walk in and out of the trailer, each time in a different outfit than the other before walking back into the camera’s sight and posing. Every so often, they’d move the camera to a different part of the hills.

His poses, Louis noticed, were soft and delicate, looking like some sort of mystical creature in his suits and frilled clothing, clothing that contrasted the grunge-style clothing that Louis once remembered Harry wearing, back when they were young and in a band together.

It was a nice contrast. 

Harry was in the trailer changing clothes again. Louis had resorted to pulling up grass, starting to get bored of sitting there. And cold. He definitely was starting to get cold. Perhaps, after Harry was out of the trailer, he’d sit in there for a bit.

Then Harry came out of the trailer, and Louis instantly decided against seeking shelter. 

Louis thought Harry was perfect before, but he hadn’t seen this Harry.  _ This  _ Harry was perfect. 

He looked like a prince. Or, maybe a pirate. It was a bit of both, really, coming from the ruffled blouse and vest, as well as the flared trousers.

Louis felt his jaw drop as his eyes met Harry’s. Harry smirked at his reaction, reaching his hand out for him. Louis grabbed it, pulling himself up with Harry’s help.

“You like it…?” Harry asked, spinning slowly so Louis could get a full look. Louis bit his lip. Harry was gorgeous, there was no denying it. Louis had always known Harry was good looking, but this really took it all.

“You look like a fucking pirate, mate,” Louis said with a laugh. Harry grinned.

“Yeah, well, you’re gonna be looking like one too.”

Louis face dropped, feeling Harry tug at his hand as he led him into the trailer. Harry shut the door behind them, and Louis bit down hard on his lip. What the hell was happening?

Harry led him to a rack of clothes, pulling a similar outfit off of it and holding it up to Louis. 

“Try this on.” Louis blinked, tilting his head in confusion.

“Why…?” Louis slowly questioned, cautiously taking the outfit from Harry. He held them up, inspecting the outfit. The style was exactly like Harry’s, however, it was green where Harry’s was cream and brown where Harry’s was black. Harry shrugged.

“I thought it would look good on you when I saw it on the rack,” Harry responded, motioning to the divider in the corner of the room, “Just try it on, yeah?” Louis huffed, going behind the divider to change into the outfit. 

It was a bit big, but, Louis kind of liked it, to be honest. He felt like a pirate. He definitely looked like one, as well. He adjusted the ruffled blouse, making sure it didn’t give much away in terms of his tattoos and such, before walking out from behind the divider. 

Needless to say, Harry had the same reaction to seeing Louis that Louis did when he saw Harry. 

“You like it?” Louis teased, spinning around in the same fashion Harry did. Harry put his hands on Louis’ shoulders to stop him. He froze in his tracks, looking up at Harry. Harry smiled down at him, taking the loose ties hanging from Louis’ top and neatly tying them in a bow. 

“There you go, Arthur,” Harry murmured, “ _ Now _ you look like a pirate.”

Louis wanted to kiss him, as they both stood there, looking like a ridiculous pair of pirates.

And, it seemed like Harry wanted to kiss him as well, Louis realized, as he noticed how close they got to each other in the time it took for Harry to tie the bow on Louis’ top.

His stomach was doing flips, his heart beating so loud that he was sure the whole world could hear it. This was really happening, Louis realized, as Harry’s forehead leaned against his, his hand reaching up to touch Louis’ face, just like earlier that day.

He needed to kiss him. He absolutely needed to kiss him.

If he didn’t, Louis was sure he would die. 

Someone started banging on the door of the trailer. Both him and Harry jumped away from each other, Harry reaching over to open the door. 

Louis was going to die. 

“Everything okay in here…?” A man asked. Jeff was his name, if Louis remembered correctly. He stared Louis down, making him feel a bit embarrassed as he stood there in clothing meant for Harry. “We have to get this shoot done. If your friend is going to be too much of a distraction for you, Harry, we’ll have to kick him off the set. He shouldn’t be wearing your clothes.”

“I want to get some shots with him,” Harry cut in, frowning at Jeff, “We’re changing locations, aren’t we? Why not get some shots of me and him? Just to give the photographer more to work with. We don’t have to use them. It’s just… a creative break, I suppose.” 

Louis bit his lip, nervously crossing his arms as he listened to Harry and Jeff debate about it for a few minutes before Jeff finally gave in and left. Harry triumphantly grinned, looking over at Louis.

“Just because,” Harry explained with a shrug, “Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, but we got to do more walking.” Louis silently nodded, his mind unable to come up with words to say to Harry. 

They almost kissed, while wearing pirate outfits and while Harry had no clue who Louis really was. Louis knew he told himself he would have to take a step back, if things ever got this far, but, he really didn’t want to do that. 

All he wanted to do was kiss Harry.

Maybe later.

The walk to the next location was longer, but not as tedious as walking over hills. They walked through a more forested area, finding their way at a creek, complete with its own waterfall. The setting definitely would make them look more like princes than pirates. 

But he and Harry knew they were pirates.

They had him stand next to Harry, their feet balanced on slippery rocks sticking out in the creek as they posed for photos. He wasn’t as good as it as Harry was - he never had been, in Louis’ opinion. But, he tried to pose like Harry did, soft yet regal. They were princes in this, so he couldn’t be posing as a pirate. 

They had Louis do some photos on his own as well, Harry standing by the photographer, arms crossed as he patiently watched on, giving him tips from the sidelines.

Honestly?

Louis was enjoying himself.

He missed doing shit like this.

Eventually, Louis’ turn at the camera was done, and he and Harry switched spots. Harry was flawless with his posing, so Louis couldn’t mock Harry’s tips and repeat them back to him. But, that was okay. Not everything Harry said needed to be mocked, now, did it?

They went back to the trailers, when everything was done. The sun was setting at that point, and Louis was starting to stress out. He didn’t think the shoot would take that long. Calvin was probably pissed, waiting for Louis to come home so he could go home himself.

At least the sky was pretty.

Harry must have noticed him stressing, his arm wrapping around Louis’ torso, pulling him closer in an effort to comfort him.

“Oh, you’re freezing,” Harry murmured, gently squeezing Louis.

Louis didn’t realize how cold he was until Harry pulled him closer to him as they walked to Harry’s trailer, warmth flushing over him.

“Y-yeah, I…” Louis stammered out, feeling like he was short-circuiting, “C-cold.”

“We’ll get to the trailer and have you warm up before we leave, then,” Harry told him with a nod, smiling down at Louis as he opened the door for him. Louis hurried in, curling up on the couch in the trailer as he watched Harry come inside and close the door. Harry joined him on the couch, leaning over Louis and wrapping his arms around him. Louis let out a laugh.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He asked as Harry nuzzled his face in Louis’ neck. Louis lazily reached a hand up to run it through the hair on the back of Harry’s head. Harry hummed in response, pulling Louis close to him.

“I’m keeping you warm,” Harry simply said, moving his head to look down at Louis. Louis looked up at him, his heartbeat starting to pick up speed.

Kiss him. Kiss him. Kiss him.

Green eyes stared down at him, a troubled look spreading across the rest of the man’s face, as if he was thinking the same thing Louis was. 

Louis wasn’t about to make the first move, though.

No, this had to be Harry’s choice. He’d hate himself forever if he took that choice away from Harry. It wouldn’t stop him from rubbing the back of Harry’s neck, though, trying to encourage him, trying to tell him that this was okay.

They almost kissed earlier, so what was different now? What was making Harry so unsure of himself?

And, then it was happening.

Harry leaned his head down to kiss him, his lips hesitantly brushing over Louis’. Louis didn’t get a chance to kiss him back. Harry pulled away almost immediately, green eyes scared and looking like they were about to burst into tears. 

It broke Louis’ heart. 

“Harry…” Louis whispered, the lad’s head turning away at the sound of his name, “Harry, you’re okay. Come here.” He heard a sniffle as Harry sat up, hands covering his face. Louis quickly sat up at that, heart pounding faster at the thought of Harry being upset.

“Styles…” Louis tried again, his voice shaking, “Hey, y-you’re… You’re okay.” 

“I’m not okay,” Harry muttered, wiping his eyes, “I’m… I k-kissed you.” Louis scrunched his face at his words. 

Harry didn’t want to kiss him. Of course, he didn’t. 

“Well, gee, thanks for that, Styles. I thought it was good, but, whatever,  _ mate. _ ” Louis stood, anger rising in his chest as he went behind the divider to grab his clothes. Harry was watching him with wide eyes, as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t.

“Fucking barely touched my lips but I still liked it. Didn’t even let me kiss you back, you… you jerk. Not like I’m going to now, since the thought of kissing me makes you cry, apparently.”

He fumbled with the bow Harry tied on his top. Harry tied it too tight - he couldn’t get the knot out. So now, not only did Harry not like kissing Louis, but Louis was making a fool of himself in front of Harry as well.

Just what he needed.

“Fuck this,” Louis muttered, giving up on the bow. He sat on the floor behind the divider, trying his best to get the boots off his feet instead.

He didn’t hear Harry walk over to the divider. He didn’t notice him peeking his head around. No, he was too fixated on the boots on his feet and trying not to cry. 

Of course, Harry didn’t like kissing him. Of fucking course. The world was just getting back at him for doing all this to Harry - for pretending to be something he wasn’t and screwing Harry over. 

“I wanted to kiss you.” 

Louis looked up, noticing the tears in his eyes as he stared up at a blurred Harry Styles peeking out from the other side of the divider. He quickly blinked back the tears, hoping they wouldn’t escape from under the shield that was his sunglasses.

“What...?” Louis stuttered out, “I… I don’t… Why are you upset, th-then…?”

Harry sighed, joining Louis on the floor. He kneeled in front of him, gingerly taking the bow on Louis’ shirt in his hands and working on untying the knot he made in it.

“I’ve never kissed a man,” Harry told him, “Well, sober at least, and… Well, actually… Let me rephrase that. I’ve never kissed a man in my personal life while sober. I’ve kissed men while absolutely wasted. I’ve kissed a couple of men while sober, but it wasn’t serious. Those were for television. But, yeah. You’re the first man I’ve seriously kissed. And… I only cried over it because I… I never thought I’d get the courage to do such a thing. I… I don’t know. It’s stupid, isn’t it?”

Louis watched him fumble with the knot in the tie, his hands shaking too much to make progress. Louis reached his hands up and placed them over Harry’s to steady them, rubbing his thumbs over the sides of Harry’s hands. 

“It’s not stupid, Harry,” he murmured, liting one of Harry’s hands up to his lips, gently kissing it, “You’re my first real kiss with a man, too. And, I’m proud of you for building up the courage to do something like that.” Harry’s eyes widened at Louis’ words, taking his other hand and repeating Louis’ actions. Louis gave him a shy smile. 

“Wasn’t much of a kiss, though, was it?” Harry joked, a soft laugh following. Louis rolled his eyes, pulling Harry closer to him. He kissed his cheek, his lips finding their way to Harry’s ear.

“We can always try again, if you want,” Louis whispered into it, only to have Harry reach a hand up to direct Louis’ lips to his. 

The kiss was soft and slow. It was everything Louis had ever wanted. Now that he felt Harry’s lips against his, kissing him was all he wanted to do. 

Eventually, they pulled away from the kiss. Harry was grinning like an idiot, causing Louis to do the same. The Cheshire lad was about to lean in for another kiss, but stopped when he heard Louis’ phone go off.

“Shit, I…” Louis frowned, grabbing his phone from the pocket of the jumper he wore to the photo-shoot, checking to see who was calling. “It’s Cal. I should get this.” He got up, quickly stepping out of the trailer to answer the call.

“Calvin? What’s up?” Louis spoke into the phone, leaning against the trailer.

“The paparazzi caught you again.” 

“And…?” Louis asked with a sigh, running his fingers through his hair. He could be kissing Harry right now, but instead, he was listening to Calvin talk about paparazzi photos.

“People are freaking out over who you are. You might as well give them some sort of answer, yeah?”

“Alright, alright, Cal. I’ll talk to Harry and see what he wants me to do.” 

“You told him?” 

“Hell no. Of course not.” 

“You’re gonna have to tell him eventually.”

“Yeah, yeah. I will.” He heard the trailer door open, and looked over to see Harry standing there, waiting for him. “I gotta go, Cal. I’ll talk to you later.” He turned to Harry, who was back in the clothes he arrived in, a smile on his face as he followed him back into the trailer. 

“What was that about?” Harry questioned, sitting down on the couch and motioning over to the divider as a way to tell Louis to get changed. Louis shrugged, getting behind the divider and kicking his boots off as he started to get changed. 

“He wanted to let me know that more photos were taken of us, probably from last night in the parking lot,” Louis answered, “He told me that your fans are in a riot over me, basically. Wanted me to give them an answer as to who I am. But, that’s up to you if you want my name out and connected to yours.” Harry shrugged.

“I’m fine with that, yeah,” he told him, pulling out his own phone, “Just give me your social media accounts and I’ll follow them and people will know who you are.” Louis frowned. 

He really should have made new accounts ahead of time.

“I don’t have any accounts,” Louis told him. Harry looked up in confusion.

“Well, make some, then. I’ll just tag you in a photo and send the fans into more of a hysteria.” 

After Louis got changed, he spent the next twenty minutes or so creating new accounts for himself. Harry had gotten ahold of some photos of the two of them from the photographer. He sent Louis some of them to help set his accounts up before posting one of the two of them to his own Instagram, tagging Arthur in a picture capturing the two of them mid-laughter.

 

_ Good day for us pirates. (@ArtieRodgers) _

 

Louis smiled at the picture from his own screen, liking it before posting his own picture of the two of them. This time the two were standing there, backs against each other’s, arms crossed as they tried to look cool.

 

_ A pirate’s life for us !! (@HarryStyles) _

 

His phone started blowing up with notifications almost immediately. The fans were really freaking out. Louis looked up at Harry, laughing softly.

“I think they’re going to love you,” Harry said with a nod, pulling Louis into his lap so he could see what everyone was saying. He kissed Louis’ shoulder before resting his head on it.

“They’re asking a lot of questions,” Louis murmured, leaning back against Harry with a yawn, “I should answer them, yeah?” Harry kissed the top of his head.

“When we get out of here,” Harry answered, “Our choices are going to a hotel for the night or driving three hours back.” 

“We’re getting a hotel. I don’t think I can survive sitting through another long drive today. Calvin will just have to put up with watching my dog for another night.” 

“Hotel it is, then,” Harry said with a smile, getting up to led Louis out to the car. Louis followed behind, groaning when he realized how they got to the trailer. He flopped down in the grass, Harry quickly turning around and hurrying over to him in response. 

“Artie! Are you okay?” He crouched down next to Louis, helping him sit up. “Are you hurt?” 

“Carry me,” Louis answered with a pout, “Your car’s too far away.”

Harry playfully rolled his eyes in response, picking Louis up and carrying him on his back. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck and his legs around Harry’s torso, smiling triumphantly to himself. 

“You’re a little shit, you know that?” Harry said with a laugh, making his way back to the car.

Louis felt happy.

His heart was filled with joy at the thought that Harry kissed him, that Harry was carrying him right now. He was falling hard for this boy; he knew it all too well. Harry made him so happy. 

Perhaps he  _ should  _ stay as Arthur forever. It would be better that way. He could kiss Harry whenever he wanted, and Harry could kiss him all the time, too. Not to mention, life was so much easier, not carrying the burden of being Louis Tomlinson, ex-member of One Direction.

Life was so much better, being Arthur Rodgers. 

Harry finally made his way back to the car, setting Louis down and opening the door for him. Louis thanked him as he climbed into the passenger seat, feeling lucky to be there with Harry. When Harry got into the car, Louis turned to him.

“Can we call for pizza when we get to the hotel?” Louis asked. Harry chuckled, leaning over to kiss him before starting the car.

“Of course, Artie,” Harry answered, backing out of the parking spot, “Anything for you.” 


	8. Chapter 8

The nearest hotel wasn’t too far away. 

It was a small thing, the hotel. It looked old, but in a cute sort of way. Harry pulled into what little parking lot the hotel had, turning off his car before he led Louis inside. Harry bought them a room, and they soon found their way to it.

The room was also on the small side, but somehow fit two separate beds in it. Harry shook his head at the two beds. Of course, they were going to give them a room with two separate beds. Harry made his way over to one, and pushed it towards the other, so they had just one big bed. 

“I don’t want you to be crawling out of bed, if you have another nightmare tonight,” Harry explained as he made an attempt to properly make the bed, “I want to be right there to protect you.”

They got their pizza, and, as they sat on the floor, eating it and watching a show on the telly, Louis decided to scroll through the tweets he’d received.

 

**@daggerose:** who tf are you  **@Artie_Rodgers**

**@Artie_Rodgers: @daggerose** I’m Arthur - Keep up, love

 

**@calvinslouie: @Artie_Rodgers** ARE YOU RELATED TO  **@Calvin_Rodgers** ???

**@Artie_Rodgers: @calvinslouie** Yes. He’s my brother.

 

**@hershly: @Artie_Rodgers** are you aware you look like  **@Louis_Tomlinson** ?

**@Artie_Rodgers: @hershly** so I’ve been told

 

**@kiwistyles: @Artie_Rodgers** you’re the guy from the pap pics!

**@Artie_Rodgers: @kiwistyles** Yes.

 

**@fromtheflicker:** Artie is a weird name **@Artie_Rodgers**

**@Artie_Rodgers: @fromtheflicker** blame Styles for that one

 

**@calvinslouie:** SO YOU KNOW LOUIS THEN  **@Artie_Rodgers** ?

**@Artie_Rodgers:** NO NOT REALLY HE WAS CALVIN’S FRIEND NOT MINE  **@calvinslouie**

 

**@kiwistyles:** is  **@Harry_Styles** with you right now  **@Artie_Rodgers** …?

 

Louis looked over at Harry, who was busy shoving a slice of pizza in his mouth as he watched whatever show was on. He smirked, switching to the camera on his phone and taking a picture of the lad. Harry quickly caught on, flipping Louis off just in time for another picture to be taken. He got up, coming over to Louis and sitting next to him.

“Take a picture of us instead, yeah?” Harry told him, pressing the shutter button after Louis switched to the front-facing camera. “This one’s better. You best not post the other ones.”

Louis went against Harry’s words and posted the other two first, responding to the person that asked about Harry. Harry shouted in protest and Louis let out a laugh, replying to what he just posted with the picture of the two of them.

 

**@Artie_Rodgers: @kiwistyles** “This one’s better” - Styles

 

Of course, the three pictures sent the fans into even more of a frenzy. Louis smiled to himself. He missed days like this, where the fans would be freaking out over new pictures. It was kind of nice to be back to experiencing those days, even if he technically wasn’t back to the fans.

He got a notification from Harry and glanced over at him in confusion before looking down at his phone. 

 

**@Harry_Styles:** I think that’s enough Twitter for you today,  **@Artie_Rodgers** .

 

Louis gave a gentle laugh at the tweet, getting up off the floor to make his way to Harry, who was now on the bed. He crawled into his lap, hugging him tightly.

“Alright,” Louis murmured, kissing Harry’s chin, “No more for tonight.”

“Good,” Harry hummed in response, “Because, I think it’s time we both get ready for bed.” Louis crawled off of him, moving over to let Harry get up. Harry stood, running his fingers through his hair.

“I texted Jeff and told him to drop some clothes off for us in the morning, since I doubt you want to be putting on old clothes after showering,” Harry informed him before making his way to the bathroom. Louis nodded in acknowledgment, watching him go before laying back, picking his phone back up and just scrolling through what everyone was saying. 

Most of the fans were freaking out about the most recent picture, saying that they ‘shipped’ the two of them together. Louis rolled his eyes. Of course, they were going to ship him and Harry together - the fans have been doing it since the very beginning of the band. Only, this time around, they didn’t know they were shipping Harry with Louis.

There were some making theories. Of course, Louis knew theories would appear. The fans loved a good theory, and they had every right to come up with some, in this situation. Louis was lying to both Harry and the fans. 

Louis pushed his hair out of his face, nervously chewing on his lip as he switched to the camera to take a good look at himself.

What the hell was he doing?

The fans being brought into this made everything far more complicated. 

Louis heard the bathroom door open and quickly took some pictures of himself to make it look like that’s all he’d been doing, instead of looking at Twitter and finding himself starting to feel anxious. 

Harry stepped out of the bathroom, looking gorgeous as ever, wearing only a pair of sweatpants. His hair was messy, in an obvious attempt to destroy the styled look it held during the photoshoot. Even if his hair looked crazy, Harry pulled it off. 

Harry gave him a tired smile as he walked over, crawling into the bed before motioning for Louis to use the bathroom if he needed to. 

Louis gratefully took that opportunity. 

He gave his face a wash while in the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror, barely recognizing himself without the sunglasses. He rubbed at the bridge of his nose, noticing how red it got from the sunglasses sitting on his face all day. He wished he could walk out there without the glasses, but he got himself too far into the situation. 

He knew it wouldn’t go well. 

So, Louis put the sunglasses back on, walking out of the bathroom in just his jumper, deciding that his sweatpants would make him too warm in the middle of the night. 

Harry looked up with a grin when Louis walked back into the room, his arms reaching out for him. Louis shook his head with a laugh, crawling into bed and curling up next to Harry. 

“You’re so cute,” Harry said, leaning down and kissing Louis’ cheek. Louis scrunched up his nose, shaking his head as he wiped at the spot where Harry kissed him.

“I’m not  _ cute _ , Styles,” Louis responded, sitting up to kiss him. He heard Harry hum into the kiss, a smile growing on his face as Harry snaked his arms around him, pulling him close to his body.

Louis never wanted this to end.

He couldn’t let this - him and Harry - end. He had to find a way to make this work, to make sure Harry never found out, if he needed to.

Harry pulled back after a bit, kissing Louis’ forehead. 

“Let’s go to sleep, yeah? Got a long drive tomorrow.” 

Louis laid back, looking over at Harry as he pulled the covers over his body, making sure to leave Harry with enough to cover himself up if he wanted to. 

They talked for a bit before bed. Well, Harry did most of the talking, rambling on about the tour and other things he needed to do. Louis tried listening to Harry for as long as possible, even if Harry was only speaking to help Louis get to sleep. His voice was soft and subtle as he spoke, his fingers tracing over Louis’ arm with each word.

Louis wasn’t sure when he finally fell asleep, but it wasn’t long before he was woken up.

He heard a shout, and jolted awake.

He wasn’t the one having the nightmare this time.

Harry was.

He wasn’t waking up. His words weren’t comprehensive. He was shouting, though, and his hands were curled up in fists. He was further away from Louis than he had been when Louis fell asleep, so he must’ve rolled over with the dream. 

Louis didn’t know what to do. He was scared, to be honest. 

Was this what it was like? Was this what his nightmares looked like in real life?

It was when Harry shouted Louis’ name, his real name, that he decided he’d need to wake him up. He bit his lip as he moved closer to Harry, placing a hand on his chest and gently shaking him.

“H-Harry? Harry, love,” Louis softly said, his voice wavering as he spoke, “Come on, mate. You’re having a nightmare. Please wake up.” 

It happened so quickly.

A fist came flying at his face, hitting him straight in the jaw. 

“Shit!” Louis cried out in pain, hands reaching for the side of his face, “Shit, shit, shit!”

He moved away from Harry, holding tightly onto his jaw. He looked over at him, tears in his eyes from the pain.

He was asleep, Louis reminded himself. He didn’t mean to hit him. He would never.

“L-Louis…?” Harry weakly called out, causing Louis to look back over at him. He shook his head, biting his lip. Louis didn’t know what he was dreaming about, but he knew for sure it had to do with him.

“N-no, Harry,” he stammered out, “It’s me, Arthur. Artie.” He watched as Harry rolled over to look at him, his eyes focusing on Louis’ hand over his jaw.

“What…? What happened…?”

“You had a nightmare,” Louis mumbled, looking away as he rubbed at his jaw, “I tried to wake you up and you hit me in the face.” Harry sat up quick at that, reaching to turn on a light. He let out a gasp at the pain he inflicted to Louis, reaching out to touch his jaw.

“We… We need to clean that,” Harry mumbled, shakily pulling his hands away from Louis’ face, “We need… My rings got you. I’m… I’m sorry. I… I didn’t know.” It was Louis’ turn to reach out to touch Harry’s jaw.

“Harry, no, it’s okay.” Louis told him, lightly kissing his nose, despite the fear still sitting in his stomach, “I shouldn’t have tried to wake you, yeah? You aren’t supposed to wake people up like that. I should have known. I’m going to go clean up, I’ll be right back.” He got out of bed, running his fingers through his hair as he headed towards the bathroom to inspect his jaw.

The punch wasn’t hard enough to break his jaw, Louis quickly learned, but it was enough for the bruising to show up as quick as it did. He sighed at the parts of his skin that had broken open from Harry’s rings, the wounds stinging under the water as he washed his face for the second time that night. 

He felt awful.

Instead of staying with Harry and comforting him, he bailed on him. He got scared and hid himself away. Unlike Harry, who came running for him as soon as he heard Louis shout. 

He was a coward.

Of course, he was. All he was doing was hiding. He was hiding now, in a hotel bathroom. He’d be hiding later, underneath blonde hair, sunglasses, and a fake name. 

It was sad, really. Pathetic, even.

And, yet? 

Louis knew he was going to carry on with it, because, all he knew how to do was hide. That’s all he’d been doing for the past four years - hiding from the media, hiding from the fans, hiding from the lads, hiding from everything.

But, Harry was out there. 

Harry needed him, right now. 

Louis didn’t have time to think about the morality of his own actions. 

As soon as he calmed down, he walked back out to Harry and crawled back into bed. Harry looked like he was already trying to go back to sleep, so Louis tried to be as quiet as he possibly could. However, Harry still reacted to Louis, opening his eyes and turning his head to look over at him. He opened his mouth to speak, but Louis hushed him, kissing his jaw.

“I’m okay, Harry,” Louis assured him, wrapping an arm around Harry’s body, “And, you’re okay, too. It was just a dream. No big deal. Everything’s going to be okay.” He got a sleepy smile from Harry, who rolled over to completely face him.

“Thank you,” Harry whispered, gently kissing Louis, “Thank you so much.” Louis frowned a little.

“I didn’t do anything, though.”

“Of course you did. You tried to wake me up. You tried to save me from my dream.” Harry kissed him again. “And, you didn’t try to leave, even after I accidentally hit you.” Louis tilted his head at that.

“People have left you?” Louis squeaked out, “How… How long have you been having nightmares like this?”

“I haven’t, no, I… This was my first nightmare in a long time. I just talk a lot in my sleep, sometimes, I guess. And… People get scared of it, if they wake up in the middle of the night. It’s upsetting sometimes. I’ll wake up and they’re gone, and, sometimes, I get texts about how bad my sleeping habits are,” Harry spoke, aimlessly playing with Louis’ hair.

“I’ve had my Mitch, my bandmate, record it a few times back on tour for me, because, it got so bad with all these people leaving, and, I really say some shit.” Louis gave him a pout, reaching out to push back Harry’s fringe.

“I would never leave for such a stupid reason,” Louis whispered, pressing his lips against Harry’s skin, “Never.” 

“Thank you, Artie.” 

They talked for a little bit after that, but it wasn’t long after they fell back asleep. They laid there with their arms wrapped around each other, protecting each other from the world around them, as well as the world inside their heads. They both needed that protection from themselves, from their nightmares and their minds. 


	9. Chapter 9

Hours later, Louis was the first one to wake up.

He heard someone knocking at the door, and, as much as he didn’t want to get up, he also didn’t want Harry to get up.

He wanted Harry to sleep as long as possible, since he was sure Harry needed it more than he did. The lad probably hadn’t gotten much sleep lately, as it was, what with his own work schedule and with having to deal with Louis’ own nightmares. Harry’s nightmare might have stemmed from his lack of sleep.

The knocking persisted, threatening to get louder. Louis rolled his eyes at that, carefully slipping out of Harry’s arms and crawling out of the bed. He grabbed a spare blanket they’d thrown off the bed in the night, wrapping it around himself as he walked to the door.

He opened it to a very pissed looking Jeff, who was carrying a bag of clothes for them. 

“Finally,” Jeff huffed, narrowing his eyes at Louis’ jaw, “Fun night?” Louis took the bag of clothes from him. 

“Oh yes,” Louis started, a smirk growing on his face as he opened the bag to see what clothes Jeff brought them, “You should’ve been there. Perhaps next time?” 

“I’m afraid I have to decline your offer,” Jeff muttered, a frown on his face, “Tell him he’s got to be back by tomorrow, since he’s on a busy schedule.”

“He knows. He’s a big boy. He’s able to remember shit without your help.” 

Jeff left, and Louis did his best to hold back his laughter. He wasn’t quite fond of the man, and he was sure the man wasn’t quite fond of him either. Jeff seemed like a right pain to deal with. He couldn’t imagine how Harry put up with him. 

He set the bag of clothes down on the desk in the corner of the room, pulling out some clothes.

Jeff seemed to have brought them matching outfits. The hoodies and sweatpants were the same, and he even gave the two of them baseball caps. The only problem was that the hoodies and caps were official merchandise for Jeff’s management company. Louis wasn’t a fan of the idea of promoting Jeff in the slightest.

But, alas, he would have to wear it, because Jeff didn’t bring them anything else.

By the time Louis showered and got dressed, Harry was still fast asleep. Louis bit his lip at the sight, unsure whether or not he should wake the lad up. He decided against it, making the decision to call in room service instead. He figured Harry deserved some breakfast in bed, that he’d need to relax for a bit.

After that, he crawled back onto the bed, taking the time to scroll through both his twitter accounts, not sure of what else to do with his time while he waited for Harry to wake up, and for room service to arrive. 

Louis glanced over at Harry, smiling softly at the sleeping lad, laying there with his mouth hanging open a little. He couldn’t help but snap a photo of it, deciding to post it to Instagram.

 

_ Rough night, @HarryStyles? _

 

The fans lost their shit at the photo. They freaked out over how cute Harry looked in his sleep, a fact Louis couldn’t disagree with. Some fans also freaked out about the fact that he and Harry were sharing a bed, which, yeah, maybe it was something to freak out about in the eyes of a fan, but it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

He heard a yawn squeak out of Harry’s mouth, turning to see sleepy green eyes staring back at him. Louis smiled, leaning over and kissing him gently.

“Good morning, love,” Louis murmured. Harry hummed in response, stretching.

“How long have you been awake?” Harry asked, another yawn escaping his mouth as he sat up and rubbed his face.

“Not long. An hour, maybe two,” Louis gave him a shrug, “Long enough for Jeff to show up, for me to get ready, and for me to call room service.” Harry tilted his head in confusion.

“Room service? For what?” A curious smile pulled at the corners of Harry’s mouth.

“For you. Well, for us. But, mainly for you,” Louis told him, “I thought you deserved some breakfast in bed.” 

Harry looked at him like that was the nicest thing someone had ever done for him. It might have been. Or, perhaps it wasn’t. Either way, Louis felt a feeling of warmth grow in his chest at the sight of that look, shyly turning away as Harry thanked him. 

The breakfast looked good, as Louis carried it into the room, a platter of pancakes and fruit for both of them. He walked over to the bed with it, grinning as Harry’s face lit up the moment he saw the food. Harry happily took his plate, waiting to eat until Louis was on the bed as well. The food tasted as good as it looked. 

“We have to come here more often,” Harry told him, scooping a bite of pancakes into his mouth, “I’m only doing photo-shoots here from now on, just for  _ these  _ pancakes. And this fruit. Fuck me, they’re amazing.” Louis almost choked on his own pancakes at Harry’s words. 

“D-did you just…?” 

“What?” Harry asked, laughing softly, “I can say that, can I not?” Louis hummed, setting his plate down. 

“Well… Yeah, I suppose,” he answered, giving him a shrug before smirking over at him, an idea forming in his head, “Yeah. It was kind of hot, to be honest.” Harry stopped mid-chew to look over at him, slowly swallowing down his bite.

“I… Y-yeah…?” Harry stammered out, looking at Louis with wide eyes. Louis let out a small laugh, shaking his head.

“Of course,” Louis murmured, a hint of amusement in his voice as he leaned back to look over at Harry, “Though, you’re always hot. Guess that makes you  _ even _ hotter.”

Harry shifted about on the bed. He was getting flustered. Louis could tell. His wide eyes and flushed face gave it all away.

Louis was enjoying this.

“I-I…” Harry stuttered once more as Louis leaned over and kissed his bare shoulder, slowly making his way to his neck. Harry’s eyes shut as he let out a shaky breath, wrapping an arm around Louis. Louis felt a hand reach up for his hair, Harry’s head dipping down for his mouth to meet Louis’ ear. 

“Oh, f-fuck…” Harry let out, trying to pull Louis closer to him, “A-Arthur…”

Louis smirked against Harry’s skin, lightly nipping at it before pulling back with a soft hum. Teasing or not, he obviously couldn’t go too far with his advances on Harry. It would be far too much of a risk. The moment Harry saw a tattoo on Louis’ body that he recognized, it would all be over. 

“Get ready to leave, Styles.” He pat Harry’s leg lightly before getting up. “I’m gonna go find some snacks for the ride home.” He gave Harry - who was at a loss for words, his mouth hanging open - an innocent smile before walking out of the room. 

He felt a bit bad for leaving Harry in there like that, to be honest. However, there wasn’t much he could do about it. Sure, he probably shouldn’t have teased Harry like that, but what fun would there be in that? 

At least he was giving Harry a chance to cool off.

He wandered around the hotel for a bit, stopping at various vending machines along the way to buy snacks for the ride home. He did his best to give Harry enough time to do what he needed to do, coming back to their hotel room about 45 minutes later with an armful of snacks and two coffee cups. 

When he walked into the room, Harry was still getting ready. Louis watched as Harry effortlessly pulled on his hoodie, shaking out his damp hair afterward. The younger lad looked at himself in the mirror, humming to himself as he fixed his hair. Louis smiled softly, setting the coffee and snacks on the table.

“All sorted, now?” Louis asked, laughing as Harry turned around to flip him off.

“You’re such a tease, you know.”

Louis grinned, walking over and kissing his cheek.

“I know.”

The car ride home was far more comfortable than the ride to the photo-shoot. They talked most of the ride, and Harry sang along with the radio in between their conversations. At stop lights, Louis would steal a quick kiss from Harry, or Harry would steal one from Louis. Sometimes, it was a quick squeeze of the hand, and sometimes, it was a hand on a knee.

It was lovely either way.

When he got home, Louis told Calvin all about it, like an excited teenage girl after her very first date. Calvin was happy for Louis; he told him he was. He also told him to be careful and to think about telling Harry the truth.

Louis told Calvin he would do it eventually.


	10. Chapter 10

Over the next four months, Harry and Louis fell into a routine. 

Louis always accompanied Harry to fittings, rehearsals, shoots, and anything else Harry needed to do. If the events of Harry’s day ran into the night, Louis would stay over at Harry’s place. They spent their moments together with quick kisses and secret touches, careful that the fans and the paparazzi wouldn’t catch on.

The fans loved Arthur. Really, they did.

They loved the content he brought them. They loved that he and Harry talked about each other. They loved all of it. 

The next two months after that were difficult for Louis.

Harry went away on his tour, but Louis couldn’t go.

For one thing, Jeff refused to let him go with, despite Harry’s non-stop begging. For another thing, Louis’ passport would give far too much away. 

It was hard, not being with Harry every day.

On concert days, they would video chat right before Harry’s show, as well as right after. On days off, they chatted before Harry went to bed. Louis cried every time, the moment Harry would hang up and Louis’ screen would go dark. 

It was heartbreaking.

Calvin hung around a lot more often, after having caught him crying one of the first nights Harry was away. Calvin told Louis multiple times after that to end things with Harry, if him being away hurt him that much. Louis told him how stupid that sounded every single time Calvin brought it up.

Despite Calvin’s beliefs on the matter, Louis was glad he was around. He helped Louis out quite a bit. He helped him cook, helped him clean, helped take care of the dogs, and, most importantly, helped think of things to distract Louis from the lack of Harry’s presence. 

Louis didn’t know what he’d do without him. 

Harry asked him before the tour even started to come to the Manchester shows. Louis said he couldn’t, because, well, he couldn’t. 

Calvin had set up studio sessions at that time for him, so Louis could have a chance to screw around with making music again. But, Louis didn’t tell Harry that. He simply told him that he had family coming in at that time. 

He also didn’t tell Harry when those plans got canceled, and that he’d be able to come to his shows.

He wanted to surprise him.

Louis got passes from Mitch, texting him to tell him that he was going to surprise Harry and show up at the show. Mitch didn’t seem too keen on that idea, trying to persuade Louis to tell Harry. But, Louis turned down Mitch’s idea. He really wanted to surprise Harry. He wanted to get a good reaction out of him. He wanted to be spun around in a tight hug. 

Needless to say, things didn’t quite go to Louis’ plan.

He tried to keep hidden in the crowd of fans, but, the fans started to recognize him as Arthur and started to ask him for pictures. Louis agreed to some, but tried to explain that he was trying to surprise Harry, so things needed to be kept secret. The fans listened, for the most part. No pictures were posted until at least the middle of the show, but, nonetheless, people still caught rumors of him being there. 

The show was beautiful. Seeing Harry freely dancing and waving rainbow flags to his own music made Louis smile in pride and admiration. He never thought he’d see the day where Harry would be able to do such things. He was happy for him. 

Maybe one day Louis could do the same. 

The moment the concert ended, Louis pushed his way through the leaving crowd, trying to go the opposite way they were going. 

He needed to see Harry. 

He needed to hug him. He needed to kiss him. He just needed to be with him. He was so close to seeing him again. He was so, so close. 

Louis found a security guard and showed the man his backstage pass. The guard took a moment to investigate it before he gave Louis a nod of his head and sent him through the door that led to the backstage area. 

The first person he saw was Mitch.

“Where’s Harry?” Louis asked, heart beating fast as he looked around the hallway.

“Probably getting something to eat. Down the hall and to the right,” Mitch spoke, rubbing the back of his neck, “But, Arthur, I… Perhaps I should tell him?” Louis quickly shook his head. 

“No, it’s fine, Mitch. But, thanks.” 

He hurried down the hallway, following Mitch’s directions to the service room. Only a few more steps, a few more strides, until he’d be back in Harry’s arms. 

He pushed open the door to the room, his expectations much higher than they should have been. 

“Surprise, Harry!” Louis said, bursting into the room, “I --” 

The whole room turned to look at him, but Louis eyes were only on Harry’s reaction.

Louis watched as Harry pulled away from someone else’s lips. 

A girl.

A blonde girl.

Not Louis.

Louis stood in the doorway, frozen in his place as he stared at Harry. Harry stared back, eyes wide and filled with an emotion Louis couldn’t even think to describe. Guilt, perhaps? Sadness? Disgust? Louis didn’t want to know.

He wanted to run away. He wanted to go back home and cry and scream at the world for doing this to him. 

But he couldn’t. 

He couldn’t move. He was frozen, as if his muscles shut down, leaving his mind screaming for a way out.

Harry cleared his throat, awkwardly crossing his arms over his chest. “Artie, uh… Arthur. Hi. Uh…” he looked over at the blond, “This is Camille… She’s uh --” 

“His girlfriend,” she cut in, a sickening smile on her face as she reached her hand out in an attempt to shake Louis’ hand, “I’m his girlfriend.” 

No. 

This… This could not be happening.

He came to his senses, his body slowly backing out of the door as he shook his head at Harry in disbelief.

“N-no,” Louis shakily let out, “No.” 

“Arthur, I --” 

Louis turned and ran down the hall, hearing Harry calling after him, hearing him run after him. 

He needed to go home. He needed to get away from Harry.

He ran out of the backstage door and back out to where the fans were still leaving the venue. Harry couldn’t follow him this way. He’d get caught and fans would crowd him. Louis could hear him shouting at Mitch as he ran through the doorway. Mitch must have been holding him back.

Running through the crowd of people wasn’t easy. 

A few fans caught up to him and asked him if he was okay. He just told them that he needed to get back home as quickly as possible, that he didn’t feel good, that the lights were messing with him, anything to make it seem like Harry didn’t just shatter his heart into a million pieces. A fan offered to drive him home and Louis politely declined, telling her that he needed to be on his own for a bit. 

Eventually, he got back to his car and drove himself home. He called Calvin on the way, telling him to come over as soon as he could, to bring alcohol, to come and take the pain away. 

He needed to forget all about Harry.

He didn’t cry over it until the moment he got inside his house. The moment he closed the door behind him, the tears came rushing down his face. 

How could Harry do this to him?

How could Harry lie to him every night like that? How could he stand telling Louis that he missed him and wanted to be with him? How could he manipulate him into thinking he was the only one in his life?

Was he not good enough for him? Was Arthur not good enough for him?

Louis ripped the sunglasses off his face, whipping them at the wall as hard as he could, an angry shout escaping his lips. The sunglasses clattered to the floor, a lens popped out and the frame snapped in half. 

Of course, he wasn’t good enough for Harry. He never was. He never will be. 

If he was good enough, Louis wouldn’t be lying to Harry every night. If he was good enough, Louis wouldn’t be pretending to be someone he wasn’t. 

He shouldn’t have even interacted with Harry.

He wasn’t good enough to be around Harry. Not as Louis. Not as Arthur. 

At that realization, he grabbed a pair of scissors from the kitchen, grabbing locks of messy blonde hair to cut them out. He didn’t want to be blonde anymore. He didn’t want to be reminded of his time as Arthur. He didn’t want to think of Harry every time he saw himself in the mirror. 

He cut a few chunks of hair at the side of his head before coming to his senses. This wasn’t a good idea. He didn’t know how to cut hair, for one thing. For another thing, his hair hadn’t grown out enough to be a good length if he’d cut his hair off. He was also still crying, he had to remind himself, so any attempts at him cutting his own hair would be an absolute disaster. 

Louis heard a knock on the door, and he quickly dropped the scissors onto the counter. 

Calvin was here.

He could help him fix his hair, couldn’t he? Calvin would have to help him cut Harry out of his life anyway, so, why not have him cut his hair, as well? 

Louis walked to the door with a tired sigh, rubbing at his face. He was still wiping his tears away as he opened the door. 

“Cal, I really hope you brought some good shit with you. I’m gonna need to get absolutely wasted tonight, mate.” He stopped rubbing his face to look up at his best friend. “Harry  _ really _ screwed me over a-and --” 

His body went cold. 

“H-Harry,” Louis shakily squeaked out, quickly looking away in an effort to hide his face, “What… What are you doing here…?” 

Louis wasn’t one to pray, but he definitely used every bone in his body to pray that Harry didn’t see his face. He turned away from the doorway, running his fingers through his hair. 

He didn’t have his glasses. He needed to find something to hide his face. 

“We need to talk.” 

Louis couldn’t do this. 

All he wanted was a relationship with Harry without all the confrontation. But, now? Harry had cheated on him, and Louis just  _ knew _ he was seconds away from his own secret getting out. The confrontation was inevitable, at that point.

“Arthur, I need to explain.” 

“There’s nothing to explain, Harry,” Louis mumbled, wandering into the living room in search of a pair of sunglasses. He spotted a pair laying on the coffee table, most likely left there by Calvin, and let out a sigh of relief as he took a step towards them.

He didn’t get far, feeling Harry grab his wrist. Louis tried his best to pull away from him, his attempts ultimately failing. 

“P-please don’t touch me,” Louis squeaked out, “M-my glasses… broke… need new ones…” He felt Harry tug on his wrist.

“Let me explain, Artie…” 

Tears filled Louis’ eyes, feelings of guilt and fear rising in his chest. Harry wouldn’t be the only one begging for someone to listen to him explain. In a matter of seconds, Louis’ life would be over. 

He couldn’t do this. 

He just needed to grab the glasses. 

“H-Harry… I… Please…”

“Look at me.”

“Harry, I-I can’t.”

“Arthur, please.” Harry turned Louis around to face him before Louis had time to grab the pair of sunglasses. Louis dipped his head down, shutting his eyes tightly and hoping Harry wouldn’t figure it out. “Please, Artie…” 

The desperation in his voice broke Louis’ heart. Even if Louis was upset at him, he knew he had to give him a chance to explain. But, now wasn’t that time. He wasn’t ready to hear his explanation for why he walked in on Harry kissing someone who wasn’t Louis. Glasses or not, Louis knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it. 

“Please, Harry,” Louis whispered, a few stray tears sliding down his face, “My eyes hurt. Let me get my glasses.” 

It was then that Louis felt Harry bring his face back up, soft lips pressing against his own. 

And, for a moment, Louis forgot about everything. He forgot he was Louis. He forgot Harry cheated on him. He felt a safe familiarity as his lips dared to kiss Harry back.

Until he remembered what he had seen.

The thought of sharing those Harry’s lips with someone else made him feel sick. 

His eyes flew open at the thought, realizing what he was doing, how wrong this was, and he shoved Harry away, anger rising in his chest.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You decide to kiss me after you’ve kissed  _ her _ ? After you fucking cheated on me?” Louis spoke, his volume rising with each word, “Did our relationship really mean that… that little to you? Because… Because, if so, you really are shit, then, Harry Styles. You really are.”

Harry just stared back at him, eyes wide and filling with tears as his body started to tremble.

“L-Louis…?” he stuttered out. Louis flinched at the sound of his name, his real name, and looked away.

He forgot about the sunglasses for a quick moment. And it cost him. 

Louis shakily reached for the pair laying on the coffee table. He put them on, as if he still had a chance to get himself out of the mess he created. 

He knew he didn’t. It was over.

“Louis…” Harry said once more, daring Louis to look back up at the boy who broke his heart, the boy whose heart Louis was breaking. 

And he did.

He looked up at him, straight into tear-filled green eyes, and suddenly he was sent back in time. The look on Harry’s face rivaled the one Louis saw all those years ago, when Louis was removed from the band. 

In the silence, Louis could almost hear their hearts shattering. 

His nightmares were coming true. 

His world was crumbling again.

Louis couldn’t do this. 

Harry slowly sat down on the couch, hiding his head in his hands. 

“You…” he started, pausing to figure out how exactly to form his thoughts into words, “You have  _ no  _ right to ask me if our relationship meant nothing to me, when…. When this whole thing has been a lie on your end. I… I can’t… I’m so fucking stupid.”

Louis frowned, anger rising in his chest at the blame falling on him.

“Really?  _ I  _ have no right?” Louis retorted, crossing his arms, “I have no right, when  _ you  _ fucking lied as well? When you cheated on me? With her of all people? You could’ve done far better.” 

“I didn’t… I didn’t have a choice,” Harry muttered, rubbing his face, “You, on the other hand, did.” Louis let out a cold laugh.

“Didn’t have a choice? What the hell are you on, Styles? The choice was whether or not you should cheat. You picked the wrong choice. You picked the wrong choice because you’re…. You’re no good. And, I should have known damn well you weren’t. All you’ve ever done is screw me over.”

“S-Screw you over? Arthur, you --” Harry stopped himself, quickly shaking his head before continuing, “ _ Louis,  _ you  _ lied _ to me. You told me you were someone else. You made me  _ believe _ you were someone else. You made me fall in love with someone who wasn’t real.” 

Louis looked away.

Harry was lying.

There was no way he was in love with him. He wasn’t in love with Arthur either. He wouldn’t have cheated, if he did love him, right?

Louis shook his head, running his fingers through his choppy hair. 

“You never loved me,” he muttered, looking up at Harry, cold blue eyes meeting dull green eyes for the first time in years. 

“ _ Never.” _

Harry jumped to his feet, and Louis took a step back, his back pressed against the wall.

“You know what?” Harry spoke, anger rising in his voice, “You’re right. I never loved  _ you.  _ I loved  _ Arthur. _ But now? Now he’s gone. He wasn’t real. He never was. I should have known. He was too perfect. He was too good.” 

“Arthur is  _ me,  _ Harry. Arthur is me, with a different name, with blonde hair, with sunglasses. It’s still me. It’s still him. You never loved him either. You cheated. You cheated, you cheated, you cheated! Nothing will ever --”

“Stop!” Harry shouted, swinging a fist at him, “Just stop!”

Time seemed to slow down, the moment Harry’s fist started coming towards him. Louis ducked out of the way, shielding his face as Harry’s knuckles flew past, connecting with the wall instead of his face. He heard a shout of pain.

Harry’s hand broke through the wall.

“Shit!” Louis stood up to try to help Harry, but he refused to have Louis anywhere near him.

He was grateful that Calvin walked in when he did.

“Oh shit,” Calvin said, taking in the mess in front of him, “You told him, then?” 

“Take him to the hospital, Cal. Please,” Louis murmured, “I… Just… Take him to the hospital.” 

He bolted out of the living room, running up to his bedroom and locking the door behind him. He fell onto his bed, gathering a pillow to his face as he let out a sob.

His life was over again.

Harry made Louis feel like he belonged somewhere again. And, within a couple of hours, his life was stripped away from him. 

He didn’t have Harry anymore. He couldn’t have Harry anymore. 

Harry was never his, to begin with. 

Who knew how long Harry had been cheating on him? Who knew if Harry actually cared about him?

Louis cried himself to sleep that night, chunks of hair missing from the side of his head and Clifford curled up next to him, his dreams empty.


	11. Chapter 11

A knock on Louis’ door woke him up only a couple hours later.

He sat up quickly, his head throbbing. He groaned at the pain, frowning to himself as he rubbed his forehead, getting up and slowly making his way to the door. 

Calvin was standing there, waiting for him. 

“His hand is broken, you know,” Calvin told him, walking into the room and sitting down on the bed. Louis blinked, making his way back to the bed and curling up under the covers. 

“Better his hand than my face, I suppose.” 

Silence filled the room. 

“What happened, Lou?” Calvin finally asked what felt like decades later, “Harry wouldn’t tell me. Just kept saying that you were a liar. Which, yeah. You are. But, what happened?” 

“He cheated on me,” Louis mumbled, not bothered to cry over it anymore. 

He couldn’t. Louis was almost certain there weren’t any tears left to cry out.

“I saw him kiss a girl. Cam, or… Candace, or something. I don’t know. Either way, she told me she was his girlfriend. I called you, went home, broke my glasses, tried cutting my hair. I thought you were at the door, but it was actually Harry and… and he saw me without the glasses.” 

“So he just… swung at you?” Louis shook his head, tears that he could’ve sworn he’d already cried out stinging his eyes.

“N-no…” Louis cried out, hiding his face from Calvin, “We had a falling out… and… I guess he couldn’t take it anymore and… and he snapped.” Calvin pulled him in for a hug, letting out a sigh as Louis cried into his friend’s shoulder.

“He’s downstairs,” Louis heard as his sobs started to slow down. He looked up at his best mate with sad eyes, unsure if he heard him right.

“W-what…?” 

“He’s downstairs, Lou. He uh… He wanted to come back and try to talk. We only just came back. Besides, he left his car here. He needed to come and pick that up as well.” Louis sighed, hiding his face in his hands. 

He didn’t know if he could handle talking to Harry.

They both hurt each other. They’d both hurt each other more, if they tried to talk. He knew that. Harry probably did, as well. 

But, perhaps, it was the closure they would both need. 

And, so, with a sniffle and a crack in his voice, Louis requested that Calvin bring Harry up and leave them be. 

Harry looked like absolute shit.

Louis probably looked like absolute shit as well.

Harry cautiously walked into the room, his hair messy, his eyes puffy, and his newly casted hand held close to his chest. Louis looked away at the sight of Harry’s hand, pulling his duvet closer to his body.

He didn’t know how to talk to him. When he was Arthur, everything was so easy.

When he was Arthur, he felt alive.

When he was Louis, he felt like dying. 

The silence was deafening, heartbreaking, even. Louis could think of a million things to say, a million ways to shout at Harry, to cry and ask why he did this to him, but nothing was coming out. He wondered if it was the same way for Harry, if he could think of a million things to say back to him, to confront him and ask him why Louis did what he did. 

“S-say something…” Harry choked out after what felt like an eternity of silence, “Please…” 

Louis looked up at him with tears in his eyes. Standing in the doorway, Harry stared back at him, looking like he was about to burst into tears himself. Louis let out a tired sigh.

Harry shouldn’t have to stand there while they talked. Louis knew it was going to be a long conversation, so, he crawled out of bed and made is way over to Harry. He gently took the lad’s hand, leading him over to the edge of the bed and urging him to sit down. Louis sat down beside him, pulling his hand away as they sat in silence for a few moments. 

“I never meant for this to go this far,” Louis finally spoke up, “The whole Arthur thing. I…” He trailed off, running his fingers through his hair as he tried to figure out how to explain this all to Harry. He looked up, glancing around the room for some sort of answer to everything. His eyes spotted the calendar on his wall, and he got up to grab it before coming back to Harry.

“Red for bad dreams. Blue for good,” Louis mumbled, flipping through the pages to show him. 

They’d been especially bad since Harry left for his tour, most of the boxes colored in red. However, that was not the point that Louis was trying to get across. 

“I’ve been having nightmares, really bad nightmares, since the day I got kicked out of the band. I… It’s usually the same moment, of that day, of your face when I was getting dragged out. I… I’ve had to go to therapy for it, and everything.” 

He pointed to the day they reunited. 

“I know this is the day we met, because, I’d been having decent dreams for a bit, then. And, for whatever reason, that day, it changed. I don’t know why. All I know is that that’s the day you wormed your way back into my life.”

Louis pointed to the next day.

“This is the day you sent those flowers. The day Arthur was born. The worst night of my life.” 

“What… What happened?” 

“The nightmare changed,” Louis murmured, taking a deep breath, scared to relive the moment, “For the first time in four years, the nightmare changed, and, it was terrifying. I kept waking up, screaming and kicking.” Harry frowned, genuinely concerned by his words, urging him to continue.

“I was… It was the same dream, for the most part. But, it… When I looked at you, you were… Well, you were  _ you.  _ You were you as you are now, or, as you were when we met, because your hair’s grown out a bit since then.” Louis let out a small laugh, running his fingers through his hair with a shaky sigh. 

“But, it made me realize something, having those dreams, and you sending those flowers. It made me realize, that I wasn’t ready for a confrontation. I wasn’t ready for you to ask me how I was doing, because I was doing awful, and I didn’t want you to worry about it. I wasn’t ready for you to try to apologize to me, or any of that bullshit. I just… Wasn’t. But. I still wanted to keep that connection with you, so… So, Arthur was born. And I loved being him. Every single moment.” 

Louis pulled his covers back around himself, closing the calendar and setting it on his nightstand.

Everything would have just been easier for both of them, if he’d told Harry earlier. 

He wished he did. 

“Were you… Were you ever planning on telling me?” Harry questioned, his voice quiet as stared down at his hands. 

“I… I knew I had to eventually. I just didn’t know how, or when, is all,” Louis mumbled, “And I was scared. The night you came in, the first night I slept over, it was a different dream. It was you finding out and abandoning me again. And I couldn’t let that happen. I didn’t want to hurt you, and I didn’t want you to hurt me.” Louis shook his head, sighing.

“And then… Then you kissed me, and, I wanted to tell you, but, kissing you was so much better of an option, in my mind. And then… You cheated on me. And I just wanted to cut you, and everything Arthur related, out of my life. I didn’t expect you to show up. I’m sorry. I should have told you. I fucked up.”

Harry took a deep breath of his own, laying back on the bed and rubbing his face. 

“I actually really hate her, Ar-- Louis,” Harry mumbled, “I should have told you this, I know. But, I didn’t want to bring it into our relationship.” Louis frowned, looking up at him.

“You hate her?” Louis repeated, “Then… Why did I --”

“Jeff hired her to try to save what little of the ‘straight’ image I apparently still have. Because, you know, the frills and the pride flags and my relationship with you mean absolutely nothing to everyone, I guess. The kiss was for a photo. Only time I’ve ever kissed her. I hated every moment of it.”

“Y-you did…?” Harry nodded.

“The whole time, I was thinking about how I’d rather be kissing you. And…. Then you showed up at the worst time possible, and, she had to open her mouth and spill out that ugly lie. I didn’t mean for any of that to happen. I’m sorry. I should have told you.” 

Louis should have known. 

He should have remembered their team hiring girls to make them look  _ extra _ straight, as punishment for the two of them so much as glanced at each other. He shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. He really should have put two and two together, but, to be honest, he blocked out a lot of those memories.

“I’m sorry too, Harry,” Louis murmured, looking down at Harry’s casted hand, “For everything.”

Harry pulled his broken hand close to his chest, letting out a sigh. “I’m sorry for everything too,” he mumbled, running his fingers through his hair. Louis looked over at him, a nervous feeling settling in his stomach.

Were they okay now? 

Louis wasn’t mad at him anymore. He couldn’t be mad over a misunderstanding. But, what Louis did was far worse than what Harry did. Louis wouldn’t be surprised if Harry was still mad at him.

He had to ask. 

“H-Harry…” Louis started, looking down at his own hands when Harry’s gaze tried to meet his eyes, “I… Are we okay, now...? I… I’m not mad at you anymore but… I understand if you’re mad at me. A-and if you never want to see me again, that… that’s okay.”

It wasn’t. 

It wasn’t okay.

Louis didn’t want to live in a world where Harry never wanted to see him again. 

How could he live in a world like that? How could he live in a world where he wasn’t with Harry? How could he live in a world without him? 

He did it once, but, Louis wasn’t sure he could survive going through it a second time.

His heart hurt just thinking about it as he watched Harry hide his face in his hands. 

“You make things so hard, you know that, Artie?” Harry muttered into his hands before correcting himself, despite the warmth Harry’s nickname for him brought to his heart, “Louis. Sorry. But, either way, you still make things so difficult for me. I want to be mad at you for doing all this, for lying about who you are, but… I… I don’t know. I’m upset, yeah, but… but I still want to kiss you and cuddle with you, and all that.” 

Louis bit his lip, hesitating for a quick moment before leaning down and gently pressing his lips against the lad’s. 

“I like it when you call me Artie,” Louis whispered against his lips, gaining a smile from Harry before the lad kissed him back, his tattooed arms pulling Louis closer to him. 

Perhaps everything would be okay between them. 

They kissed for a few moments before Louis pulled away to look down at Harry. He couldn’t help but smile as he looked down at the man he loved, his thumb gently tracing over Harry’s cheekbone. 

How did he get so lucky? 

How did he get so lucky to fall in love with such a beautiful man? How did he get so lucky to get another chance with him? 

Harry smiled back in confusion, giving Louis a soft laugh.

“What?” Harry asked, pulling Louis down a little so he was laying down next to him, “What’s up?” 

“You,” Louis told Harry, peppering his face with kisses, “You grew up. And… And your hair’s so short, for one thing.” 

“Your hair’s so blonde, for another,” Harry responded, letting out a hum, “Should’ve seen my hair when it was at its longest. Was down to my shoulders. Past my shoulders, actually.” 

“Was it weird? Cutting it all off?” Harry shrugged.

“I suppose. My neck was cold for a bit, but I got used to it. I’m growing it back now, anyway.” Harry kissed Louis’ forehead. “I missed your eyes. I really did. I was starting to go insane with the whole sunglasses thing, you know. I just wanted to know what your eyes looked like. And, now? Here we are. You’ve got the same gorgeous eyes you’ve always had. The same gorgeous eyes I could only dream of Artie having.” Louis gave him a sad, shy smile, looking away.

“I’m still Arthur,” Louis murmured, closing his eyes, “I’m him just as much as I am Louis.” He felt Harry’s lips against his jaw and let out a soft groan in approval, reaching up to grab at Harry’s curls. 

“I know,” Harry whispered, lips against Louis’ skin and his good hand moving down to Louis’ hip, fingertips finding their way under Louis’ jumper, “I know. You’re a beautiful human being, either way, you know. Inside and out.” 

It was that moment that Louis realized that Harry was still wearing the outfit he wore for the show. Louis wondered how he could have possibly missed the glittery suit the man was still wearing. However, amidst the drama, Louis supposed it wasn’t all that big of a detail to notice. 

“What are you doing still wearing this?” Louis mumbled, kissing Harry’s ear as he tugged at Harry’s suit jacket, “Isn’t it uncomfortable?” 

Harry hummed, sitting up a bit to take the jacket off, revealing that, instead of wearing a proper shirt, Harry was wearing a tank top. Louis almost died at the sight.

“I ran after you,” Harry simply said, “I didn’t have time to change. I needed to talk to you. And… then I busted my hand, so… didn’t have time to change.” He crawled over Louis, looking down at him with a smile. 

“Hi,” Louis whispered, leaning up to kiss him, catching Harry’s smile in his own. 

Harry was perfect.

_ This  _ was perfect. 

Despite the amount of drama that came with it, laying there, being able to love Harry, and Harry being able to love him back was something Louis never thought would happen. Ever. 

There they were, laying in Louis’ bed, exploring one another’s bodies for the first time and giving each other the love they both deserved. Louis couldn’t imagine this moment happening any other way. 

And, as they laid together under Louis’ covers in the early hours of the morning, bare, sweaty limbs tangled around each other’s, it was Louis who declared his love first. 

Harry, barely able to keep his eyes open after their rendezvous, let alone speak, gave Louis a sleepy smile in response to his words before he fell asleep. 

Louis curled into Harry’s body, snuggling close to him as he drifted off at his own pace.

His dreams that night were some of the best he’d had since the nightmares started up. He was happy, his dreams filled with Harry. 

Always Harry.

Someone who was once the bane of his dreams, destroying them with sadness and anger, was now filling them with love and happiness.


	12. Chapter 12

Louis had every right to expect Harry to still be there when he woke up.

When he rolled over in the morning to cuddle closer to Harry, it hurt to see an empty space beside him. 

For a moment, he thought Harry might just be in the bathroom, or, maybe getting something to eat from the kitchen.

But, his clothes were gone. 

Louis wanted to cry.

What did he do? Was he not good enough for Harry? He tried to think of a reason, a good reason, for Harry to not be laying next to him. 

He settled on the fact that Harry had a show to get ready for.

It was fine.

Louis had things he needed to do, anyway. He had to get a haircut, since he destroyed his hair the night before.

However, it was when he was walking to the salon in the cold, Manchester air, pulling up his hood to keep his ears warm and away from the wind, that he realized something.

Harry didn’t have a show that day.

Louis felt sick to his stomach.

So, what was it then? Did Harry have anywhere else he needed to be? Or was he just running away? Was last night closure to Harry? Was that what it was? Did he just want to get a quick shag out of Louis? Was that it?

He didn’t realize how pissed off he probably looked until someone tapped on his shoulder. Whipping around to look at the person, Louis wanted so badly for it to be Harry, so that he could shout at him for leaving, but, to his surprise, it was a fan from the night before’s concert. 

Louis’ shoulders slumped, and he let out a sigh.

“O-oh, uh…” Louis frowned a bit, putting his hands in his pockets. “Hi.” 

“Hi, Arthur,” the girl spoke, “I promise I’m not stalking you. I was just getting a coffee, and, I saw you. I thought I’d see how you’re doing, since, you know, you said you weren’t feeling well last night.” 

Louis smiled a little. At least this girl was nice enough to see how this was doing. Harry really bailed on him, didn’t he? 

“I’m... “ Louis paused for a moment.

How  _ was _ he doing? He wasn’t too sure himself, to be honest.

“I’m doing a bit better, I think. Still feeling a bit off, but I’m doing better.” 

“Oh, that’s good. How was seeing Harry? I heard that you were there last night to surprise him.” 

Louis ran his fingers through his hair, unsure what to say to that either.

“He was good, yeah. I mean, he’s good, I… He was glad I surprised him,” Louis stuttered, “We were both upset that I couldn’t come along on tour, but, it was really nice to see him. I just wish it was a bit longer of a meeting, but, you know, I got sick.” 

“You could always see him in London tomorrow, right?” Louis shrugged at her words before she asked for a photo with him. Louis gladly took a photo with her before saying goodbye. 

“I have to get my hair cut!” he explained, pushing off his hood and pointing to the missing chunks in his hair, “See? I was stupid last night. Now I have to get it professionally done!” 

The haircut didn’t end up being too drastic. It was only a shave on the sides and in the back to even things up. While he was there, he touched up the blonde in his hair, as well. 

When he left the building, there was a small group of people waiting for him outside. 

More of Harry’s fans. 

Louis let out a sigh, pushing at his glasses to make sure they stayed on his face as he greeted the fans. They were a nice group of people, but he didn’t want to talk about Harry. Not when he walked out on Louis.

He wished he knew why. 

He thought everything was okay. Harry definitely made it seem like everything between them was okay, that everything was sorted out and their problems were solved. 

Clearly, Louis was wrong. 

One of the fans decided it would be perfectly fine to ask if he and Harry were in a relationship, to which Louis quickly shook his head, nervously running his fingers through his hair. 

“No, uh… He’s got a girlfriend, actually. The blonde girl. Forgot her name,” Louis answered, a frown pulling at his lips, “But, I met her last night. She’s nice, I suppose. Though I got really sick and needed to leave, so I didn’t have all that much time to talk to her.” 

The fan seemed a little unhappy with that answer, but accepted it, nonetheless. After all, there wasn’t much Louis or the fan could do about Harry’s relationship with the girl, real or not. 

He ended up taking pictures with each of the fans, getting a group photo of his own to post on his Instagram when he got home. In all honesty, he just wanted to show off his haircut to Harry, and to prove that he was fine without him. 

 

_ Hair cut, fans met. _

 

His photo was met with loads of comments. There were quite a lot of compliments on his new haircut, but, there were plenty of comments asking about Harry. They were all asking the same things -- where he was, how he was, and why he was at the hospital the night before. 

As much as Louis didn’t want to tell everyone, he knew Harry would keep the fans out of the loop, showing up with an unexplained cast on his hand at his show the next day. So, after a moment’s hesitation, he took to Twitter to break the news.

 

**@Artie_Rodgers:** Unfortunately, Harry got in a fight with my wall last night and broke his hand. Hope he learned his lesson.

 

Louis did not expect anything to come out of it, the tweet. However, to his surprise, something did. 

Harry blocked him.

He never would’ve known, if he hadn’t gone to check his messages, only to see that most of them were suddenly gone from his account. Everyone was suddenly freaking out about how Arthur left their group chats, to the point where Louis had to speak up and post that he didn’t leave anyone’s groups. 

It was when he realized that the group chats all had one thing in common that he found out, hands shaking as he typed in Harry’s name, only to be welcomed to Harry’s profile by the announcement of  _ ‘@Harry_Styles blocked you.’ _

“Fuck,” Louis let out, quickly backing off to his own profile to delete his tweet about Harry. 

He couldn’t believe Harry did that.

What the hell was his problem?

He wanted to call him, or text him, or something - anything to ask him what the fuck he was doing. Harry left sometime while Louis was sleeping, after they slept together, after Louis confessed his love to him, after everything, and then he proceeded to block him as well.

Louis had no clue what was going on with Harry, but he hoped he sorted it out soon.

It wasn’t fair on him, for Harry to be pushing him away, was it? 

Granted, Louis hadn’t been the fairest on Harry, but, he thought they cleared everything up last night, for the most part. There were still some things they needed to talk about, yes, but, he thought they were okay. 

Guess not.

Louis texted him, told him to come over, that they needed to talk. 

Harry didn’t answer him. 

It was the same cycle for the next month or so. Louis would message Harry, asking if they could talk. 

Harry wouldn’t answer. 

Every time hurt more than the last. 

Harry messaged him back once, to tell Louis that he sent Calvin the money he owed for the wall he broke. That was it. Nothing else.

And yet?

Louis kept trying, to the point where Calvin was sure it was making him go insane.

Louis just wanted to know why Harry left him, after everything seemed to be back on track.

He felt rejected, tossed away as if he was just another shag to Harry. He probably was, to be honest. 

But, it wasn’t like Harry to just… leave. Not like that. 

It made no sense. The leaving, the silent treatment, none of it made sense.

None of it was the Harry he knew.


	13. Chapter 13

Louis did something stupid. 

For whatever reason, in the midst of his tears over Harry one night, he remembered that Niall tried to get in contact with him over Twitter, when all of this was just starting up. 

It probably wasn’t the brightest of ideas to send Niall a message, but, Louis needed to get out of the house. Besides, Louis was starting to feel ready to try to mend their friendship. 

However, judging by how things worked out between him and Harry, Louis wasn’t too sure he and Niall would work out well either. 

 

**Nialler, lad !! Sorry it took so long to respond. I’m doing okay. Wanna catch up ?**

_ Louis! Sure!  _

_ My place? _

 

Louis found himself in Niall’s driveway about a week after he messaged the Irishman, his body trembling as the nerves started to settle. 

It was just Niall. He would be fine. 

Though, Louis was certain he threw a chair at Niall, the last time they were in a room together. 

He glanced over at his passenger seat, sighing at what sat in it - the guitar he bought for Niall ages ago. It was finally going to its rightful owner, and Louis was somewhat happy about it. It was almost a bittersweet feeling. Louis loved that guitar just as much as he knew Niall would. But, the purpose of getting the instrument in the first place was to give it to Niall. 

How would Niall feel about all of this?

How would Niall feel about the whole Arthur thing?

Louis was sure he knew of Arthur by now. Harry probably mentioned him to Niall before, or, perhaps Niall had seen some photos of the two of them together. 

Louis just didn’t know how Niall would take the news that Arthur was actually Louis. 

He would have stayed in that car forever to avoid the confrontation he knew was out to get him, but, unfortunately, he wasn’t given that time. The front door to Niall’s place pushed open, a familiar face hurrying over to his car. 

“Open up, lad!” Niall called, tapping on the window. Louis bit his lip, hesitantly rolling down the window and looking up at the Irishman, a sheepish smile on his face.

“H-hey, N-Ni…” Louis stuttered out, starting to regret getting in contact with Niall after seeing a flicker of extra recognition in the lad’s stormy blue eyes, “I’ll uh… I’ll be right in. I just… Could you, possibly, make sure there isn’t any paparazzi hanging around?” Niall gave him a confused look before taking a quick glance over his yard.

“No one’s ever here, Louis,” Niall reassured him, “No one can get photos of you.” 

Louis blinked in response, slowly pushing his sunglasses over his eyes, just in case. It would be far easier to explain why Arthur was there than why Louis was there, looking like Arthur. 

He rolled the window up and opened the car door, siding out of his seat to greet Niall. The lad pulled him into a hug, much to Louis’ surprise. 

“It’s nice to see you again,” Niall mumbled into Louis’ shoulder, pulling back to look down at Louis. He grew since the last time they’d seen each other, Louis noticed. Niall wasn’t this much taller than him before - Louis was sure of that. 

“I’ve missed you,” Niall told him, “We all have. Liam. Zayn. Harry, too, of course.” Louis flinched at the sound of Harry’s name, clearing his throat as he looked away.

“I uh… I got something for you, Ni,” Louis mumbled, going to the other side of the car to pull out the guitar case. He lifted it up to show Niall, watching as the storm in his eyes softened.

“Oh, Lou…” Niall murmured, fingers reaching out to touch the case, “Come inside, yeah? We’ll take a look at that guitar and catch up. I suspect you have a bit to tell me, after all.” 

The look on Niall’s face after opening that guitar case was enough to destroy any regrets of being back in contact with Niall. He stood there, jaw dropped at the sight of the guitar sitting in its case as it laid open across his dining table. 

It was a gorgeous guitar, but Louis was sure that Niall was more in shock over the fact that it was almost exactly like the guitar Louis accidentally destroyed all those years ago. 

“My guitar…” Niall whispered in awe, “That’s my… Thank you so much, Louis.” 

It earned Louis another hug from the lad, and, to be honest, Louis didn’t mind one bit. He missed the lad’s hugs.

“It’s… It’s a bit pre-loved,” Louis admitted, rubbing the back of his neck, “I started losing hope of ever seeing you lot again, and, I didn’t really have much else to do, so, I took up a bit of guitar playing to fill the time. It’s a beautiful guitar.” 

“In that case, I love it even more. The fact that you even thought about getting me this is so sweet. I… It’s just really nice, Lou. Thank you. It means the world.” 

Niall gently picked up the guitar, carefully strumming it a few times before giving it a quick tune. He messed around with it for a bit before gently putting it back, closing the case up and setting it to the side.

“You want a drink, mate?” Niall asked, “A beer?” Louis shrugged in response as Niall turned to get a couple of beers out of his fridge.

“So, Louis, or, should I say, Arthur,” Niall started, passing Louis a bottle before opening his and taking a sip, “How have things been going for you, lately?” Louis sighed and pushed his sunglasses up, resting them on the top of his head. 

“What gave it away?” Louis asked, a sarcastic tone in his voice. 

“Does Harry know?” 

“Of  _ course  _ he knows, Niall. Where do you think the busted hand came from?” Louis muttered, shaking his head before rubbing his face, “We got in a fight, about a month ago, and he found out who I was and he punched the wall - well… the wall was unrelated to him finding out, but, yeah, he knows.” 

“He must not have taken it okay, then...?” 

“I’m… I’m not sure… He didn’t at first. But, then, he came back after going to the hospital and we… talked… and, things were okay. At least, I thought. Next thing I knew, he was gone, and he blocked me on pretty much everything. We haven’t really talked since.”

He could tell that Niall felt bad for him. There was a storm brewing in the lad’s eyes. Louis wasn’t sure of the storm’s origin, whether it be pity towards Louis or anger for Harry. But, there was some sort of cloud of emotion rolling in.

“And, are you okay?” Niall slowly asked, a hint of a frown appearing on his face. Louis shrugged.

“I don’t know. I mean… I…”

Louis hadn’t really thought about it to be honest.

Was he okay?

Life went on. Sure, he felt sad every time he thought about Harry. Sure, it sucked to think about him. But, he didn’t feel sad all the time, did he?

Calvin would say otherwise, he knew that.

Because, in Calvin’s eyes, messaging Harry every day and begging him to just fucking talk to him for once, to tell him what he did wrong when he thought everything had been fixed, did not mean Louis was okay. In Calvin’s eyes, the return of Louis’ nightmares also meant Louis wasn’t okay.

But, Louis wanted to believe he was okay. He really did.

But, he wasn’t.

Louis wasn’t okay. 

He hadn’t been  _ okay _ in a while.

“I’m…” Louis spoke up once again, his voice wavering, “I’m… N-no. I’m not… I...” 

The words didn’t want to form as tears filled Louis’ eyes. He couldn’t get the words out. He wasn’t okay. He wasn’t. 

He didn’t realize he had burst into tears until Niall set down his beer and hurried over to him, pulling him into a tight hug. 

“Hey,” Niall whispered, trying to calm the lad, “Hey. It will be okay. Everything will sort itself out. I’ll make sure of it. You… You deserve to be happy, you know that? If Harry doesn’t understand that, if he’s just going to screw you over, then, he can fuck off. Really. I  _ will _ cut ties with him if he’s gonna be like this.” Louis had to stop him, quickly shaking his head at Niall’s words.

“No, no, no,” Louis blurted out, sniffling, “You don’t need to do that. Don’t kill friendships over me, Niall. Please don’t. He’s just… He’s just being stupid, I’m sure. Or… I did something really wrong. It’s probably just the whole Arthur thing. If not, then, I don’t know. I just… Don’t do that to Harry.” 

Niall frowned, bringing his beer to the couch and motioning Louis over. Louis took his beer and followed Niall, curling up on the couch.

“So, you had feelings for him, then, I assume? I mean, this whole thing is bothering you quite a bit, and… Harry told me that he and you, er, you being Arthur, were in a relationship, last time I heard from him.”

It was kind of shocking, hearing that.

He didn’t really expect Harry to tell anyone about the two of them. Though, Niall was a good person to talk to. He was a quality person to trust with things, but, he wasn’t the greatest at lying. It all just depended on whether what was told to him was ever brought up by another person wanting to know everyone’s secrets.

“What… What did he tell you?” Louis curiously asked, picking at the label on his beer bottle. Niall leaned back against the couch, looking up at the ceiling. 

“Um, a lot, actually,” Niall started, “That first day he met you, he kept sending me the photos of the whole paparazzi thing and begged me to help him figure out whether he should try to talk to you again. I said it wouldn’t hurt to try. Which, I guess, I was wrong about, because it hurt you in the end, didn’t it?” He let out an awkward laugh, trying to fill the air. 

“Oh! A couple of days after that, he was frantically texting me,” Niall added, running his fingers through his hair, “Which was odd, because he’s not all that much of a texter. Turned out he stopped rehearsals because you bailed. He was freaking out. He thought you didn’t like his singing or something. When you didn’t come back, he was really upset.”

“But like, a few hours later, I got another text from him. Something along the lines of ‘I brought Artie home, I think I’m falling in love.’ It was cute.” 

Louis almost forgot to breathe at the thought of Harry falling in love with him. 

He didn’t know that Harry felt that way about him. Well, he did, in some way, but he didn’t think Harry was actually in  _ love _ with him. There’s no way that he could be, especially after the events that happened the last time they saw each other.

“Falling in love…?” Louis squeaked out, biting his lip. “He… There’s no way. He didn’t tell me that he loved me when… when I told him. He just went to sleep.” Niall frowned.

“When was this?” 

“I uh… The last time I saw him. We uh… When he came back from the hospital. We… We hooked up. I told him I loved him, and he just smiled back and went to sleep. I thought he was just too tired, but… When I woke up, he was gone. So… I don’t think he actually loves me.”

“That’s not normal. That’s not Harry at all. Wonder why he did that.” Louis gave him a sad shrug.

He already knew this wasn’t normal.

Something must have really affected Harry, for him to get up and leave like that. 

Louis knew that it was his fault. He just didn’t know what exactly caused Harry to leave. Was he just a bad shag? Was the Arthur thing still freaking him out? Probably. 

It just didn’t make sense as to why Harry cut off all contact with him. Harry would have explained why he left, wouldn’t he?

Louis just didn’t know anymore. 

Either way, it was shit.

They spent the majority of the rest of the night talking to each other, drinking between stories and jokes. 

Niall told him about his album and the tours that he’d gone on. It seemed nice, solo life. Louis would have loved going on tour and making music again. Niall told him that there wasn’t really anything stopping him from making music, encouraging him to try to pursue a solo career.

Maybe he’d put some effort into that when he got back home. 

By half ten, they were both wasted. 

Louis was back to crying over Harry. Niall was lazily strumming his new guitar, drunkenly singing out whatever came to his head. In the midst of his mumbled tune, Niall suddenly stopped, looking over at Louis.

“I have an idea,” Niall said, somehow making it sound like the most serious thing he’d ever said, despite his words slurring together.

Louis looked over at him, sniffling as he set his empty beer bottle on Niall’s coffee table, right next to the rest of their bottles from the night. There weren’t too many of them - just enough for a couple of decently drunk people.

“What is it?” Louis asked, rubbing his eyes as he stretched out on the couch, his legs stretching out across Niall’s lap.

“ _ We  _ should hook up,” Niall told him with a proud nod, obviously, for whatever reason, thinking his idea was a great one. Louis narrowed his eyes at Niall.

“Since when have you been into…?” Louis trailed off, curiously looking at his friend.

It was such an odd thing to come out of the Irish lad’s mouth, but it was an intriguing idea. Niall was cute, after all. He wasn’t pretty in the sense that Harry was, but, Niall had a cute charm to him. 

“I’m not. Not really, at least?” Niall spoke, a confused tone in his voice, “I don’t know. It’s an idea, yeah? I mean, you’re sad. I haven’t gotten laid in quite a bit, either. It would get your mind off Harry, right? Hopefully? And… And we could always use this to piss Harry off, if you really wanted to. I don’t know. I just want you to be happy, is all.”

Louis stared at him for a moment before sitting up a little.

Was this really a good idea?

It must’ve been a good idea. Niall said it. Niall wouldn’t just say a terrible idea. And, he was so serious about it too. 

It had to be good.

Louis wouldn’t mind going through with it. He  _ definitely _ wouldn’t mind. 

Niall rambled on about his idea, a nervous tone growing in his slurred words with every moment that passed by. 

It was a nervous habit that Niall had for as long as Louis could remember. He was sure Niall was a rambling mess when they first met. In fact, he  _ knew  _ Niall was. He remembered Niall being on the verge of telling him his life’s story before they were called onto the stage to be put together in a band. 

“Is… Is it such a bad idea?” Niall squeaked out, opening his mouth to speak again before Louis cut him off.

“Niall.” 

“Y-yeah…?”

Louis leaned in and kissed him, much to Niall’s surprise.

“Shut up,” he whispered against the Mullingar lad’s lips, feeling a smile grow on them. Niall pulled back to set the guitar down in a safe place before returning his lips to Louis’. 

Kissing Niall was an experience.

He was a decent kisser, Niall. Beyond decent, actually. Just, not as good as Harry, in his opinion. Or, perhaps he was, but, maybe on a different level. He wasn’t sure. Kissing Harry was a gentle experience. Kissing Niall was an urgent one, the alcohol clearly taking them over. 

Niall pulled Louis into his lap, a low hum rising from his throat as they kissed.

It was good.

It was really good. 

After a few moments, Louis pulled back, his hands pressed against Niall’s chest as he looked down at him. 

“I… I want to take a photo first,” Louis panted out, “And… And post it on Instagram, so… so Harry knows I’m here. Because… Because, he still hasn’t blocked me on there.” Niall nodded slowly, reaching for the sunglasses still on Louis’ head and pushing them over his icy eyes.

“Go on then,” Niall gently told him, “Post it quick, though.” 

Louis pulled out his phone, moving out of Niall’s lap in an attempt to make it look like they weren’t just sucking each other’s faces. He quickly took a blurry picture of them together, posting it on Arthur’s Instagram story. 

 

_ Too drunk for our own good.  _

 

“Are… Are we good, now?” Niall asked, leaning back against the arm of the couch, “Can we return to what we’re doing? Is that okay now?” Louis hummed softly, crawling on top of Niall, hands pressed against the lad’s chest as he looked down at him. 

“Perhaps,” Louis murmured, leaning down to kiss Niall’s jaw, “But, on the couch? I don’t know about that, Ni. Not a very gentlemanly gesture to shag someone on a couch, when you’ve probably got a more comfortable bed.” 

He felt arms wrap around him, pulling him close as Niall sat the two of them up. Suddenly, Louis was in the air, arms and legs wrapped around Niall’s body as he carried them up to his bedroom. 

Niall was stronger than Louis remembered. 

It wasn’t until he was laying on Niall’s bed, the lad’s body hovering over his, that Louis realized how much his friend had grown since the last time he saw him. He wasn’t the scrawny boy hiding out on the tour bus with his guitar anymore. No, his body filled out, Louis realized, as muscular arms pinned him down to the bed. 

Louis just about died when Niall pulled off his shirt. 

Niall got hot, and Louis wasn’t quite sure whether it was the dark hair, the beard, or the muscles making him think that. Perhaps it was a combination of all three - mixed with his current drunken state, of course. 

There was something therapeutic about the whole experience. He didn’t know how to explain why the action of Niall shagging him was so therapeutic, but, it definitely made him forget all about Harry for a quick moment. Which, was one of the reasons why this whole thing happened in the first place, so, Louis supposed Niall had a pretty good idea. 

However, as Niall pulled out and rolled over to lay next to Louis, he couldn’t help but look over at the Irish lad.

He wanted revenge.

He wanted Harry to know all about this, to know the pain he was feeling. 

Another  _ great _ idea.

“Niall,” Louis slowly spoke, “Get... Get a picture of us together, right here, in bed. Send it to Harry. Please.”

Niall did what he was told, taking a picture of the two of them together. The covers were lazily pulled over them, their hair messy and their skin bruising from each other’s doing. He sent the picture to Harry with no explanation whatsoever before looking over at Louis for approval.

“Thank you, Ni,” Louis whispered, cuddling close to Niall as his eyes fell shut, “For everything.”

He fell asleep soon after, a faint  _ ‘you’re welcome’ _ ringing in his ears. 


	14. Chapter 14

Louis didn’t know where he was, when he woke up.

He opened his eyes for a moment before closing them again, not wanting to bother with being awake yet. He could feel the start of a headache coming on and thought the idea of sleeping it off was a far better option then getting up and having to deal with it.

He snuggled into the covers, a bit surprised at how comfortable the bed felt. His covers weren’t this soft and warm. And, it was usually cold in the morning, at his house. 

The sudden warmth was a little concerning.

He opened his eyes once more, looking down at the covers. To his surprise, it wasn’t the white duvet he was used to being wrapped up in when he slept. No, these covers were a deep navy blue. 

This wasn’t his bed.

This wasn’t his room.

He jumped back a bit, yelping in surprise at the feeling of someone’s stomach against his back. It was then that he realized an arm was wrapped around him. For a short moment, he thought it was Harry’s, a safeness blanketing itself over the fear rising in Louis’ chest. 

That is, until he noticed the lack of tattoos on this arm. 

Shit.

What had he done last night?

_ Who _ had he done last night?

Louis counted to three before he rolled over to face whoever it was he shared a bed with, praying they were still asleep.

They were. That is, until Louis shouted in surprise the moment he saw Niall sleeping next to him. Startled by the noise, Niall’s eyes flew open and he pulled away from him, giving a shout of his own the moment his eyes met Louis’. 

“What the fuck?” Niall pulled the covers over his body, a confused look on his face. “Louis?”

“Please tell me you remember last night.” 

Silence.

“I… Don’t.” 

Louis cursed under his breath.

“Please tell me we’ve got clothes on, at the very least, Ni.” Louis ran his fingers through his hair, starting to feel sick to his stomach. “Please tell me we didn’t do anything.” 

Niall peaked under the covers for a quick second before letting out another shout, quickly bringing his head up from under the covers.

“Okay, uh…” Niall slowly let out, “We… We definitely did  _ something _ .”

Louis let out a huff, sitting up. 

Of course, they did something. 

He rubbed at the throbbing pain in his forehead, leaning down to grab his phone off the floor to check the time. He was greeted with 20 missed calls from Harry.

Shit. 

“What the hell?” Louis mumbled, looking over to see Niall checking his own phone.

“Oh yeah... “ Niall mumbled, a slight frown on his face, “I remember now.” He showed Louis his phone, a photo of the two of them displayed on his screen. It all came back to Louis just as quick as it did with Niall.

“Harry’s pissed,” Niall told him, “He sent me, like, seven messages telling me how much he hated me.” Louis nodded his head, looking back down at his own phone, the notifications still sitting on his lockscreen.

“He called me quite a bit last night, I guess,” Louis mumbled back, “He’s really pissed.” 

“Are you going to call him back?” 

Louis thought about it for a second. What really was the point in it, if Louis had been trying to get Harry to talk to him for a month and he couldn’t bother to respond to that? So, Louis shook his head in response to Niall’s question.

“No. I don’t want to. Not if he can’t bother to talk to me any other time.”

“Oh,” Niall hummed, “That’s… You’ve got a point there, really. You do. Why call him back when he won’t respond to you? None of this would’ve happened if it weren’t for him deciding he didn’t want to talk to you ever again. He shouldn’t push blame on us, right? He doesn’t have the right to be mad over it when he screwed you over!” Louis shrugged.

“We are to blame though. And, I mean, he does have the right to be upset. He wasn’t expecting to get that photo sent to him. Though, I don’t think the two of us expected to wake up like this and to be reminded that we slept together.” Louis paused, letting out a sigh. “But, it was nice. It was good. Thanks for that, Niall.” 

It was Niall’s turn to shrug.

“No problem. I enjoyed it too. It was nice to get some frustration out, after all.” Niall let out a laugh, and, Louis rolled his eyes as he brought his knees to his chest.

He wasn’t quite sure what to do.

Harry was mad.

Louis almost wanted to see if they could finally sit down and just  _ talk _ , but he already knew that a talk would never happen. It would mean he’d get to call Harry out for leaving him like that, and Harry had been avoiding the confrontation of it all for a month already. It wasn’t going to happen.

He thought about the voicemails, and that sickening feeling in his stomach came back. Based on the things Harry said to Niall, he couldn’t imagine what Louis had in store with those voicemails.

“Louis?” Niall asked. He’d been quiet for too long. Louis was sure Niall was starting to get worried. “Are you okay?” 

“No. I’m… Harry’s mad.”

“And? You aren’t his. He bailed on you, remember? Pretty sure that makes you single.” 

Niall had a point. A good one, at that.

He looked over at Niall, staring at him for a moment before wrapping his arms around him. 

“Thank you, Niall. Really. I appreciate this,” Louis told him, “Even if, looking back at it, it’s probably one of the shittiest ideas you’ve ever come up with.” Niall let out a gentle laugh, shaking his head before hugging him back, gently pressing his lips to Louis’ forehead in a comforting manner. 

“Like I said, it’s no problem,” Niall reassured him, “I’d do anything for you, Louis. You’re one of my best friends. Even if you threw a chair at my head and then proceeded to drop off the face of the earth for four years.” Louis frowned at Niall, playfully shoving him.

“Relax, Lou, I’m only messing with you. I’m happy you’re here,” Niall said, a grin on his face, “And, you know damn well that my idea was a good one. It benefited both of us. We just didn’t execute it well and now Harry’s pissed. Which, I suppose getting a reaction was one of the reasons for the idea, so, in a way, we won.” Louis shook his head, a slight smile pulling at his lips.

“I can’t imagine what his reaction would have been if I tracked down Liam or Zayn instead and the same idea occurred,” Louis told him, “I feel as though he’s always been more intimidated by them than you. I can’t imagine how mad he would’ve gotten, judging by how mad he got with you.”

“Who knows? He should’ve just kept you, really, and none of this would’ve happened.” 

“We were quite buzzed, Ni. If we were sober, none of this would’ve happened either.” 

“Good point.” 

He spent the day hanging out with Niall. 

Niall let him mess around with his personal studio, letting him record a few silly tracks. After that, they played a bit of football in Niall’s yard, which was fun. 

Hanging out with Niall was always fun. It was almost more fun than he remembered hanging out with Niall actually being, to be honest. 

He was really happy to have Niall back in his life. 


	15. Chapter 15

The next few weeks held some of the best days Louis had in the last four years. 

After his night with Niall, he decided that he was going to reconnect with the rest of the lads. There wasn’t anything wrong with that. He just wanted to catch up and to patch things up between them. He wanted to apologize for how he acted towards them after getting the news. 

Liam was the first one he got ahold of. Niall gave him Liam’s number, telling him that Liam asked about him not too long ago - an empty question sent to the boys, asking whether they thought Louis was doing okay or not, wondering what he had been up to.

He almost didn’t recognize Liam when he first saw him. 

It was like that with all the lads, really, but with Liam? 

The lad really changed.

His arms were covered in tattoos, his facial hair was grown out, he had a slit in his eyebrow and his hair was shaved in a buzz-cut style.

Needless to say, this wasn’t the Liam he knew four years ago. 

He wore chains around his neck, as if he was a rapper. Louis thought it was hilarious. Liam wasn’t a rapper. Unless, he was, and it was just another thing Louis missed out on since he was kicked out of the band. 

It was weird, how much his lads had grown and changed since the last time he saw them. 

Four years ago, Liam was only just coming out of his shell, tattoos barely covering his arms at that point. Four years ago, Liam was just this lovable lad who Louis could easily piss off. 

He could probably do the same now, Louis reckoned, but Liam had more of a dynamic to him, now. He wasn’t the gullible kid Louis remembered, anymore. He was more strong-willed. He was more of a risk taker than he used to be. 

Perhaps it was because of Louis’ departure, with Zayn leaving soon after, that caused this change. 

There must have been a shift in the band, since the ‘mysterious one’ and the ‘funny one’ were gone. Someone had to pick up the pieces and hold the band together. Louis was almost positive that the person who stepped up to the plate was Liam. 

He was always good with shit like that, standing up to protect the things he loved. Louis was good at it too, in a sense, but Liam had that protective instinct by nature. His immediate shielding of Zayn and Niall from Louis instead of shielding himself that dreaded day was enough proof of that. 

Liam punching him in the jaw after he caught Liam up on the whole Arthur situation was even more proof. 

“Ow!” Louis shouted out, raising a fist to punch him back, but ultimately dropping it, as he knew Liam was far stronger than him, “What the hell was that for?” 

“You lied to Harry,” Liam simply stated, crossing his arms as his dark eyes stared Louis down, “You hurt him.” 

“Well, lad,” Louis started, rubbing at his jaw, “I hope you’re planning on beating Harry up too, because, he’s done some shit as well.” 

He gave Liam the rundown of what happened. He decided to keep out his rendezvous with Niall out of the discussion, deciding that Harry knowing was far more people knowing than he wanted, even if it all was a drunk plan to get a reaction out of him. Instead, he told Liam that Harry didn’t like that he was over at Niall’s, telling him that he suddenly tried to get in contact with him, leaving far too many voicemails. 

“Have you listened to them yet? The voicemails?” 

“No, but, I will eventually, I guess.” 

Liam was the one to post the photo of them together, this time. 

It got a bigger reaction from the fans than the one from Niall.  The slight bruising starting up on his jaw was taken the wrong way, leading to fans thinking Harry was with him, introducing him to each of the lads. 

They freaked out over their ‘Hartie’ theories, thinking Harry and Arthur were most definitely together. The bruise was most definitely Harry’s lustful doing. It most definitely  _ not  _ from Liam’s angry actions. 

Oh, to be a fan blindsided by theories and fantasies. If only they knew what was going on behind the scenes. 

Despite the fandom craze, hanging out with Liam was great. It was good to see him again. It was good to get a sneak peek at what the lad was working on in his own solo endeavors. 

It was good to just hang out and catch up. 

Same with Zayn. 

Zayn and Liam looked as if they were having a contest between them to see who could get the most tattoos. Zayn was winning. 

Tattoos completely covered the Bradford man’s arms, crept up his neck, and went down his legs. Louis was certain Zayn would be completely covered in tattoos, the next time he saw him. 

The lad also had a lot of piercings now - a nose ring, and quite a few piercings in his ears. He pulled it all off - the tattoos, the piercings,  and even the green streaks in his dark hair. Zayn looked good no matter what he did with himself. 

It was unfair, really.

Zayn didn’t know about Arthur, to Louis’ knowledge. Louis told him that he saw Niall, and he saw Liam. He was telling him how it went, and how much he missed everyone, when Zayn cut in. 

“So, are you seeing Harry next, then?” 

Louis almost choked on the water he was drinking.

“I… uh…” Louis stuttered out, “I’ve already met with him. I’d rather not talk about it, really. I don’t think we’re gonna be talking again.” 

“Oh,” Zayn said with a frown, “That’s shit. It’s a shame. You two would’ve been good together, if you two settled things and just talked about what happened.” 

“What? I…” Louis choked out, looking away, his gaze focusing out the window of Zayn’s home, “I… No… Me and Harry? Never. Never going to happen.” 

“That’s a shame. He really loved you.” Louis put his head in his hands. 

“Why does everyone keep telling me that?” Louis squeaked out, rubbing his eyes, “He doesn’t love me, Zayn. I would know. I told him that I loved him. He said nothing back. That was the last time we talked, Zayn. Me and him? We aren’t going to happen.” Zayn just shrugged.

“Maybe he’s scared,” Zayn absentmindedly told him, fiddling with one of the piercings in his ears, “I’d be scared to tell someone like you that I love them.” Louis frowned in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, someone important to me that fell out of my life once before. Like, you are important to him. And, you were ripped out of his life. He’s probably just scared to lose you again.” 

“What are you on? I was scared to lose him again, and  _ I  _ still told him.”

“Yes but, he made you mad. He broke your heart and hurt you once before. He could’ve been scared to hurt you again.” Louis let out a frustrated sigh, putting his head in his hands. 

“What do you even know? Why are you suddenly an expert on this?” 

“Liam,” Zayn blurted out. Louis looked up at the Bradford man, blinking in confusion. “March 18th, 2015.” 

“W-What...?” 

Louis had never seen Zayn look so small and vulnerable. It was almost heartbreaking how nervous Zayn suddenly got as he started twisting the rings on his fingers, trying to find the words to say, now that he let something out that he’d kept to himself for so long. 

“I uh… Well, shit,” Zayn started, letting out a nervous laugh, “Shit. I… I love Liam. Err… Loved. I loved Liam. He stared down at his fingers, trying to hide the sad smile on his face. 

“The day that you were… you know… something just clicked, that night, when Liam was trying to comfort us all. The way he stuck by Harry’s side, the way he tried to assure him that none of it was his fault, and… and the way that he did everything in his power to make sure we were okay - it all made me realize something. I was in love with him. Hopelessly in love with him. It was sad - pathetic, almost - how much I loved him. And, I hated it. I hated how much I loved him and I’d cry about it at night. I was scared I’d be kicked out, like you were. Or, that he would get kicked out, because I loved him, like Harry loved you.” He took a deep breath, leaning back against the sofa.

“It was heartbreaking, watching Liam try to pick up the pieces every single time something bad happened. And,  _ a lot _ of shit happened in between your departure and mine. He’d cry a lot, Liam. And, I couldn’t comfort him, because, then he’d know, and then Management would know, and… I couldn’t do that to Liam. I couldn’t have him pick up more pieces than he could handle.” He ran his fingers through his hair. 

“But, in the end, I did. In the end, I left, and he had to pick up the pieces all over again. The last time I saw him, we had a massive falling out. He caught me leaving. I couldn’t handle being there anymore. He tried to get me to stay. He  _ begged _ me to stay. I… I snapped. I told him that the band was dying, that he should stop bothering to play hero and trying to save the band. The look he gave me was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever seen, I promise you. He just… told me to leave. And that was it. I was gone. Liam had to pick up the pieces once again.” 

Louis felt awful. 

Of course, Zayn knew what he was talking about. He wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t know what he was saying. 

Zayn was scared to talk to Liam again.

But, Liam would forgive him. He forgave Louis. He probably forgave Harry for causing this whole mess in the first place. So, why wouldn’t he forgive Zayn? 

“So, that’s the last time you talked to him, then?” Louis asked. He knew the answer, but still allowed Zayn to nod his head in response. “Do… Do you think he’d forgive you?” Zayn shrugged.

“I wouldn’t, if I was him.” 

Silence washed over the two of them for a moment before Louis decided to speak.

“Are you still in love with him, do you reckon?” 

“I’m… not sure. He’s probably grown up and changed, and all that shit,” Zayn spoke, “I have seen a picture of him in, I dunno, two years...? I’m sure I’ve fallen out of love with him.” 

“How do you know? I mean, how do you know you’ve fallen out of love with him? How do you know the feelings are gone?” 

“I… I don’t know. I’m… I don’t think about him as often as I did. I guess I just filled the void with other things? So like, if I don’t love him anymore, I’ve got other things to love.” Zayn looked over at him. “Like, I feel sad when I think about him, sure, but I don’t think about loving him anymore. Like it isn’t really a thought that goes through my head anymore.” 

Louis didn’t bring up the fact that Zayn confessed his love of Liam in the present tense to Louis before ultimately correcting himself. 

“Zayn, mate,” Louis quietly spoke, “Do you wanna see some pictures of him? I… We took photos together, while I was hanging out with him the other day.” Zayn looked up at him a hesitant look on his face.

“I uh…” Zayn let out a shaky sigh, “Yeah, sure. Let’s… Let’s have a look.” 

Louis unlocked his phone for Zayn, opening up his camera roll and tapping on the first picture of him and Liam. He handed the phone to Zayn, who, in turn, let out an audible gasp at the sight of Liam in the photo. Zayn took a long look at it, as if he was trying to memorize every single part of the photo, before swiping to the next one and taking another look at that one.

He did this for the next five photos before he hit a video. Louis forgot he took videos. In the one Zayn was watching, Liam was on a hoverboard, aimlessly spinning around as he sang some silly song about how he was the best ‘hoverboarder’ in the world. Zayn smiled at the video, shaking his head.

“Look at him,” Zayn whispered in awe, “He’s still himself, and yet… and yet he grew up. Look at all those tattoos, wow. I would never have thought he’d… He’s gorgeous, Louis.” Louis gave him a bittersweet smile.

“You’re still in love with him, Zayn.” 

Zayn looked up at him with wide eyes, staring at him for a second before looking down at the phone and swiping to the next video, which was of Louis attempting to use the hoverboard, Liam filming and giving commentary. He smiled softly at the sound of Liam’s voice.

“Maybe I am, Louis,” he murmured as he looked through the photos and videos, his smile growing a bit brighter with each one, “Maybe I am.” 

He spent the night in Zayn’s guest room, an idea forming in his mind as he laid in the bed, holding his phone up in the air as he mindlessly scrolled through social media. He needed to reunite Zayn and Liam. 

He tried to give Liam’s number to Zayn earlier in the night, but the lad quickly declined it. He was still scared, Louis noted, but Zayn needed to face his fears. 

He created a groupchat between Liam, Niall, and himself. He didn’t bother to add Zayn, because Zayn would freak, and Liam probably would’ve had a reaction too. In all honesty, he wanted to surprise both of them. He asked about the three of them hanging out together soon. Liam and Niall both said they were free for the next day, and they all planned to hang out at Niall’s place.

Louis was excited. He knew Zayn had nothing to do the next day, and he could definitely persuade him to come with him to visit Niall. He couldn’t wait.

He hoped their reunion was good. He hoped it started something beautiful between the two of them. 

He wished he and Harry could have that ‘something beautiful’ between the two of them. They had it when it was just Harry and Arthur, but, it would never be the same. 

Louis let out a sigh, messaging Niall separately to give him a heads up, just in case something were to go wrong with the reunion.

 

**Hey. Don’t tell Liam but I’m bringing Zayn.**

_ No way! _

_ Can’t believe Zayn wants to see him _

**He doesn’t know. I’m surprising them both.**

_ Are you sure that’s a good idea? _

**We’ll see.**

 

It probably wasn’t the greatest of ideas, to surprise Liam and Zayn with each other, but, it didn’t hurt to try it out. Louis knew things could go wrong, but, they could go good as well. 

The next day couldn’t come any sooner. 


	16. Chapter 16

Louis made sure to wake up before Zayn, his phone going off as the sun started to shine into the room. 

After getting ready for the day, he navigated his way to the Bradford man’s room, carefully creeping in to wake him up. 

“Z,” Louis whispered, lightly shaking him, “Zayn, wake up. We’ve got places to be, so, get ready.” 

He heard the man let out a tired groan, rolling over to face Louis. Zayn stared at him with sleepy hazel eyes, a tint of annoyance hidden in them. He obviously wasn’t happy with being woken up. 

“We’ve got places to be?” Zayn echoed, pulling the covers closer to his body, “I didn’t agree to anything.” Louis shook his head. 

“I know you didn’t.” Louis tugged at the covers in an attempt to get Zayn out of bed. “But, I’m gonna take you out and treat you today. So, hurry up and get ready.” Zayn huffed, slowly sitting up.

“A treat would be for you to let me sleep,” Zayn grumbled, stretching his arms back, “This better be good, or I’m literally never talking to you ever again.” 

“Oh, it’ll be good,” Louis said with a grin, “I promise.” 

When it came to the ride to Niall’s, Zayn slept the whole way down. Louis had a feeling Zayn would sleep, but, he didn’t appreciate the silence that came with it. He was left alone with his thoughts for a whole 90 minutes, and, he really wished he wasn’t.

He missed Harry.

Louis couldn’t help but wonder what all this would’ve been like, this whole ‘reuniting with the lads’ thing, if Harry was still happily in his life. What would Harry think of all this? Would he be supportive of it? He’d have to be, right? Would he think it was a good idea to reunite Liam and Zayn? Louis wasn’t sure.

He didn’t even know if all of this would have happened, if Harry was still in his life. Louis was almost glad that Harry walked out on him. If he hadn’t, who knew if he would’ve done all this? Who knew if Zayn would have ever told him about his feelings towards Liam? Who knew if Liam and Zayn would ever meet again, if it weren’t for Louis doing this?

And the voicemails.

What was he going to do about those?

As of that morning, Louis’ phone was home to almost forty voicemails from Harry that still needed sifting through, something he was absolutely dreading. 

Maybe if he just answered the phone, the calls would stop. But, that would just be giving in. Harry didn’t talk to him for a month, so why should Louis talk to him? 

He wouldn’t.

He couldn’t.

As if on cue, Louis’ phone went off. The ringer, albeit not loud, filled the silence as if it was the loudest thing he’d ever heard. He jumped a little at the sound, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. Harry wasn’t going to get to him. He just  _ wasn’t. _

He glanced over at Zayn, who, unsurprisingly was still asleep, unphased by Louis’ phone going off. 

Must be nice.

It wasn’t long after Harry had tried to worm his way back into his life that Louis pulled into Niall’s driveway and turned off his car. He let out a sigh, waking Zayn up and telling him they were at their destination. Zayn groggily sat up, looking out the window at the house they pulled up to. 

“Where are we?” Zayn asked, tilting his head a little, “Is this your place? It’s a nice house.” 

“No. It’s not mine.” 

Zayn fell silent for a quick moment.

“Harry’s?” Louis lightly shoved him, shaking his head.

“Why would it be Harry’s?” 

“I don’t know! Who else’s house could it be?” 

“Stop asking questions, Z,” Louis told him with a slight smile, “Just follow me.” 

The two lads got out of the car, Louis leading Zayn to the front door. He knocked, expecting for Niall to open it, but, to his surprise, it wasn’t.

“You fucking didn’t,” Zayn choked out to Louis, eyes wide as he stared at the man who opened the door. A shirtless Liam, chewing on what looked to be a baby carrot, gave a smile to Louis, about to say hello before catching sight of Zayn hiding behind him. 

A look of confusion spread across Liam’s face as he crossed his arms over his bare chest, as if he was trying to figure out where he’d seen the lad before.

As if Zayn had become so unrecognizable to him that he could no longer place a name to his face. 

“Do I…?” Liam started, before his dark eyes caught a glimpse of Zayn’s hazel ones. He dropped the other half of the carrot he had been holding in his hand, backing away a little. “Z-Zayn...?” The green-haired lad looked down at his feet, the same small look of Zayn’s from the night before returning.

“H-Hi, Liam,” Zayn whispered. His body was trembling, Louis noticed as he watched him. Liam probably noticed as well. Zayn looked up at Louis. “I’ll just… Uh… I’ll wait in the car? If that’s okay? I --” 

“Zayn!” Louis heard Niall shout from inside the house, “How the hell are you, mate?” The Irishman hurried out to greet them, attacking Zayn in a hug. Zayn stiffly stood there for a moment before wrapping his arms around him.

“Hi, Niall. I’m… I’m okay.” 

Niall invited Zayn and Louis in. As Louis led Zayn inside, he noticed the unsure look on Liam’s face.

Louis realized quickly that Liam didn’t want Zayn around. He stood as far away from Zayn as he could, trying to make himself look busy. It was upsetting, seeing how distant the two of them got. Zayn and Liam used to be close. They used to be inseparable. Louis felt awful that things had gone so wrong for them. 

He just hoped today would make things better between them. 

The four of them gathered on Niall’s couch, but, at some point amidst the awkward tension, Niall stood up, clapping his hands together.

“Right,” Niall said, “I’m going to make some food. Louis, help me out, yeah?” 

Louis gave Niall a look before nodding his head and getting up to follow behind him, leaving Zayn and Liam alone to talk, or whatever they would be doing. He didn’t know what they’d do. He hoped they would try to talk, but knew there was a larger possibility that they would both just sit in silence instead. 

“Liam didn’t recognize him at first,” Louis told Niall, hopping up on the marble counter as he watched the lad rummage through his fridge, “Like, he did, but he couldn’t put a name to the face.” Niall shrugged, turning to look at Louis. 

“I don’t think I would have been able to recognize him either, if you didn’t tell me that he was coming along,” Niall told him, handing him a beer, “Liam hasn’t seen Zayn in, what, three years? And he comes in here looking like a fucking fugitive with the amount of tattoos he has. And, the green hair! What’s that all about?” 

“Niall,” Louis cut in as he opened the beer bottle and took a sip, “Leave him be. This… This is supposed to be good for them.” Niall ran his fingers through his hair, letting out a sigh.

“Why are you doing this, Louis?”

Louis stopped, setting down his beer. 

Why  _ was _ he doing this?

He wanted them to talk to each other. He wanted them to try to fix things between them. But, why? Why was he doing this, instead of letting them do it on their own time? 

He had to admit, it was something he almost wished would have been done for him and Harry. Granted, Louis wasn’t sure that any of them could get into contact with Louis over the past four years, but, having a reunion forced upon them would have been far better than what really happened between him and Harry.

He just wanted them to have a better relationship than he and Harry ever would. Louis knew he and Harry were done for, but, if Zayn and Liam could just have the slightest bit of a friendship start back up between them, then Louis would be happy.

Louis looked away, sighing a bit. 

“They need to talk.” 

“About what? He left the band when we needed him the most. Shouldn’t he be talking to me, then, too? And Harry?” Niall rubbed his face, letting out a sigh of his own, “We should’ve invited Harry to come along, too, then we could really have some awkward tension, yeah? I mean, he’d probably kill me, and maybe you as well, but, I’d honestly rather be dead right now then how uncomfortable I felt out there. Damn, we probably should call Harry.” 

“Niall,” Louis said once more, reaching over to place a hand on Niall’s shoulder, “You’re rambling again. Shut up.” 

“No kiss to shut me up this time? I, for one, am offended.” Niall tried to his best to look offended at the lack of the action, but failed, a smile tugging at his lips. He was a shitty actor, Niall.

“Nope. Sorry, not looking to get laid tonight.” Louis smiled as Niall laughed at his words. “Now, order some pizza would you? I want pizza.” 

Louis stayed on top of the counter as he listened to Niall ordering the pizza. It wasn’t the most extraordinary of pizzas - just a large cheese and a large pepperoni - but neither Louis or Niall wanted to cook, so calling in for pizza was the best option. 

Louis strained his ears, trying to hear past Niall’s voice to hear whether or not Zayn and Liam were talking. 

He couldn’t tell. 

As soon as Niall hung up the phone, Louis hopped off the counter and the two of them headed back out to the living room. 

Louis didn’t like the sight in front of him. 

Liam had moved to the side of the couch Zayn was sitting on, however, he wasn’t sitting next to him. No, there was still a good amount of distance between them. They were avoiding each other’s eyes, Liam’s arms crossed over his chest as he stared down at the ground, Zayn’s head buried in his hands.

Louis bit his lip, giving Niall a look. Niall cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck.

“We uh… We ordered pizza.” 

Liam looked up at Niall, giving him a small nod of acknowledgment, a blank look in his eyes. Louis looked back over at Zayn, who didn’t bother to acknowledge what Niall said. He was shaking again, Louis noticed. 

Something happened.

Whatever it was, it definitely wasn’t good.

“Zayn,” Louis calmly spoke, kneeling down in front of him, “Let’s go for a walk, yeah? Do you need some air? Some water?” Zayn gave a slight nod at the mention of water. Louis looked over at Niall, motioning for him to go get some. Niall disappeared into the kitchen, only to come back a few moments later with a bottle of water. He tossed it to Louis, who in turn gave it to Zayn. 

“Come on, Z. Let’s sit in the car for a bit, yeah? Or…” He looked up at Niall. “A guest room, maybe? The bathroom? Somewhere quiet?” Niall nodded his head, giving Louis permission to take Zayn elsewhere if he needed to do. Louis heard Zayn sniffle, letting his eyes meet Liam’s. Liam stared back at Louis, his eyes almost unreadable, but Louis was certain there was at very least a hint of concern buried in them. 

What the hell happened in the mere ten minutes he was out of the room? 

“I’m taking him to the bathroom,” Louis muttered, standing up and grabbing Zayn’s hand. He led the man down the hall, trying to find the farthest bathroom from the living room, so if Zayn wanted to cry, he could without having to worry about whether Liam could hear him crying. 

Once he found a bathroom far enough away, he brought Zayn inside, letting him sit down on the counter and drink his water. He watched as the lad rubbed at his tear-stained face, trying to hide the fact that he had been crying.

“What happened, Zayn?” Louis asked, “You don’t have to tell me, but, it might help.” 

“Why did you bring me here?” Zayn muttered, his fingers clenched around the water bottle.

“I thought it would be a good surprise. I… I thought… I thought it would be good for you to reconnect with Liam. And Niall, too, but… I just thought it would help you two mend things between you.” 

“Well, it didn’t,” Zayn snapped, looking down at his shoes, “We won’t ever be able to mend things. I fucked it up, and now he hates me. I really hate myself right now, and I wish I wasn’t here, Louis. I wish you never showed me those pictures of Liam. I wish… I wish you never told me that you loved Harry, because I would’ve never told you about Liam and --” 

“Zayn,” Louis cut him off, hopping up onto the counter to sit next to his friend, “You’re okay. I’m sure it’s not as bad as it seems. We can fix this, I promise. Just, tell me what happened, yeah?’ 

“I…” Zayn started, trailing off in hesitance as he tried to find the right words to explain what happened, “I… Liam was trying to talk to me, and, he was getting upset. Which, was making me upset. And, I don’t know why I did it, but… I just blurted out that I loved him and… Fuck, I hate myself.” He buried his head in his hands, taking a deep breath before continuing.

“He just… He told me that he didn’t love me back. Flat out. I just wish I hadn’t said it. Everything’s even more fucked up between us… It’s never going to be the same, ever again. Our friendship is beyond repair.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his arm, getting rid of any stray tears that decided to fall while he explained what happened. 

Louis felt awful.

He shouldn’t have dragged him into this. He should have left them to reunite in their own time, but, would that have mattered? 

For all Louis knew, this same discussion between Liam and Zayn could have happened on its own, at a completely different time and place. 

Nonetheless, it all proved one thing. 

Zayn had a point with what he told him the night before, about being scared to confess one’s love to someone who one had hurt before. Zayn said it, and got rejected. Harry could have feared the rejection, as well. However, Harry already knew what the outcome could have been. Harry knew that Louis loved him back. 

“Listen, Z,” Louis told him, shaking off any thoughts about Harry, “I know it hurts, but, you got to show him that it doesn’t affect you, yeah? You gotta show him that you’re okay, and that he can fuck off if he doesn’t love you back. However, we don’t want him to be cut out of your life, do we?” Zayn shook his head.

“Exactly.” Louis grinned, patting the lad’s shoulder. “So, what you’re going to do - what we’re going to do - is go back out there. And, we’re all just going to talk about shit as if none of this happened. We’re going to talk as if it’s still 2014, none of us left the band, and we’re all chilling out on the tour bus.” 

“Minus Harry,” Zayn noted. Louis nodded his head.

“Yeah. Minus Harry.” 

Once Zayn calmed down a bit more and felt as though he was ready to get back to everyone, they walked back to the living room. Louis caught the smell of pizza as he led Zayn through the halls and back to the lads, making sure to pick up a slice of pepperoni before he sat down next to Niall. 

Niall gave him a concerned look and Louis shrugged, taking a bite of the slice as he watched Zayn. He sat down on the other side of Louis with his own slice, doing his best to pretend like nothing happened while distancing himself from Liam at the same time. Louis didn’t blame him. It probably was for the best to keep some sort of distance between them. 

They talked for hours, just like old times. Everyone naturally slid back into the rhythm they used to have. It was great. Louis missed this. 

Though, one important piece of the rhythm was missing. 

Harry. 

As much as Louis didn’t want to think about the man, it would have been better to have Harry there as well. It would have felt great to have all five of them back together, but Louis wasn’t so sure that would ever happen.

He hoped it would, one day.

Maybe one day they’ll be at Niall’s house, or Liam’s house, or wherever, all five of them. Maybe by then, he and Harry will have solved their problems. Maybe by then, Liam and Zayn will have too. Who knew? 

He could picture the five of them watching a movie, he and Harry cuddled up next to each other on one side of Niall’s couch, Liam and Zayn cuddled up on the other. And, hopefully, Niall would have someone too to cuddle up within the middle of the couch, but, it would kind of defeat the purpose of a lads’ night, if someone from outside of the band was there. 

They could figure all that out when the time called for it. 


	17. Chapter 17

Harry’s absence was driving Louis crazy, by the time the four of them called it a night, heading off to separate bedrooms within Niall’s house. 

Louis missed his voice. The empty air was calling out for it, begging for it to join the four lads’ voices. All Louis wanted was to hear it again, a desperate need to hear that familiar Cheshire accent hitting him in the middle of the lads’ night that made his skin crawl. 

So, as Louis laid in bed in one of Niall’s guest rooms, he listened. He listened to all the voicemails one by one, starting from the beginning, earbuds in his ears, the covers wrapped tightly around him. 

It was difficult, listening to them. 

He cried way more than he wanted to admit.

The first few, from the night he and Niall hooked up, were probably the hardest to get through. Harry sounded just as drunk as Louis was that night, if not more, his voice stumbling and slurring with every word. 

_ “I can’t… I can’t believe you,”  _ Harry’s drunk voice rang in his ears, his words laced with pain,  _ “I…  _ hate  _ you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.”  _

Needless to say, those first messages broke Louis. It was just drunken insults fueled by a shitty situation, Louis knew that. But, coming from Harry, the words hurt. He almost didn’t want to keep going. 

Nevertheless, he went on. 

Harry was drunk in most of them. However, he wasn’t telling him how much he hated Louis, anymore. No, a lot of the drunk messages consisted of Harry telling Louis how much he hated himself. Those ones were even more painful. All he wanted to do was pull Harry into his arms and tell him how beautiful of a person he was. 

The sober messages hurt as well. They all hurt. In the sober messages, which were a lot of the more recent ones, he sounded like he lost all hope. It broke Louis’ heart. 

_ “Louis… Artie… Call me back, please. I just… I miss you so much. Just. Please, call me.”  _

Louis was sobbing by the last voicemail.

Harry missed him. 

And, Louis missed Harry. 

But, he couldn’t call him back. 

It wasn’t a good idea. Things could go terribly wrong, like they did for Zayn and Liam. It would just end up with a bigger mess, one that was broken beyond repair. He didn’t want to ruin things even more. 

After hours of listening to Harry talk, Louis realized he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He couldn’t. Every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was Harry. Louis knew if he were to fall asleep, his nightmares would start back up. He couldn’t have that happen - the other lads didn’t know about his nightmares. Louis preferred to keep that a secret until long after the dreams stopped. 

Instead of sleeping, Louis did something he hadn’t done in ages. 

He wrote. 

He opened up his notes on his phone and wrote lyrics, letting everything he felt spill into them. 

He was still awake in the early hours of the morning when he heard the door creak open. Louis blinked, looking over at the door to see what was going on. Peeking out from behind the door was Niall, who looked like he hadn’t been able to go to sleep either. 

“Ni?” Louis called out, a yawn escaping his mouth, “You alright, mate?” The door pushed open a bit more as Niall stepped into the room, closing the door behind himself. 

“You’re awake,” Niall pointed out. 

“So are you.” 

“Couldn’t sleep. Too warm in my room,” Niall mumbled, sitting at the edge of the bed, “You?”

“I listened to Harry’s voicemails,” Louis said with a shrug, moving over in the bed so Niall could sit next to him. He watched as Niall crawled into bed next to him, noticing how his dark hair stuck to his sweaty forehead. “And then I got caught up in writing?” 

“Writing?” Niall echoed, tilting his head, “Like, songs…?” Louis nodded quietly, looking over at Niall. 

“I needed something to do. I wasn’t planning on going to sleep.” 

“Why not? You okay?” 

“I uh…” Louis sighed, figuring he’d have to tell Niall sooner or later, “I get really bad nightmares sometimes. I figured that, after listening to the voicemails, that I’d get them tonight, and, I dunno, I just… I didn’t want to scare anybody.” Niall frowned a little.

“The voicemails were that bad?” Niall questioned, “What’d he say in them?” 

“I… I’d rather keep that to myself, to be honest,” Louis mumbled, “But… I don’t know… I just… I miss him, and he misses me. I just didn’t want to have a dream about him and wake up and shout for him, is all. That scares people.” 

“Oh,” Niall murmured, looking away for a moment, probably unsure what to say. 

He wasn’t surprised, Louis. The nightmares weren’t the greatest of conversation pieces. He supposed it was a bit sad, but, there wasn’t that much he could do about it. The nightmares were a thing Louis would more than likely have to live with for the rest of his life, but, he couldn’t let them get in his way, even if that meant he’d need to warn people about it from now on.

Niall finally spoke again a few moments later, clapping his hands together, “So, the writing,” he started, looking over at Louis with the slightest smile, “Anything good?” Louis shrugged.

“I don’t know. I mean, I can show you, if you want.” Louis unlocked his phone and went back to his notes before handing the device to Niall. “It’s probably shit. I mean, I haven’t written a song in years, so it definitely is, right?” Niall scrolled through the lyrics, and it felt like an eternity before Niall finally said something.

“These are good, Lou,” Niall told him with a nod, “However, you could totally split this into two separate songs, lad. Have one on the aspect of missing, well, Harry, I suppose, or whoever. And then, have another on the aspect of coming back to that person, no matter what.” 

“That’s… That’s a good idea,” Louis told him, taking the phone back from Niall. He spent a few quick seconds looking at the lyrics he wrote before shutting off his phone with a sigh. “But, I don’t think it’s really worth it. Like, I’ll never use the songs. I don’t have a record deal, so, I don’t really have a reason for writing songs.”

Niall stayed silent for a moment. 

“I could sign you.” Louis looked up at Niall with wide eyes.

“You… What?” 

“I could sign you!” Niall repeated, this time an excited tone in his voice as he grabbed Louis by the shoulders. “I could sign you! I technically have my own company. I mean, we all do - Harry, Liam, and me. I’m not sure about Zayn, though. But! They all distribute out to the big record companies, basically. Like, a distributing contract. I could sign you, and, I could pull some strings and get you a distributing deal, so you can have a real album, if you want.” 

Louis could have cried. 

“N-Niall, I-I…” Louis stammered out, “Would you really do that?”

“Of course. People want music from you, I want music from you, and you want to put out music, don’t you?” 

Louis couldn’t help himself as he leaned forward to grab Niall’s face and kissed him. He was just so happy.

It had nothing to do with their previous affair, the kissing. He would have kissed any of the other lads the same exact way, if they offered to sign him. 

Niall giggled into the kiss, letting himself kiss Louis back for a few seconds before pulling away.

“I assume that’s a yes, then?” Niall asked. Louis grinned, nodding his head as he wrapped his arms around the Irishman, pulling him in for a hug.

“You weren’t lying about your room being warm,” Louis told him with a laugh, “You’re drenched in sweat.” Niall hummed, pushing back the sweaty waves of hair that fell forward into his face.

“You would have been sweaty too, if you were in that room.” 

“Mm, I hope you know that kiss was platonic,” Louis teased. Niall laughed, leaning his head back against the bed’s headboard.

“Of course I know that. I could never take Harry’s place in your heart. I wouldn’t want to, anyway,” Niall told him.

They spent the next few hours writing, splitting the song into two songs and bouncing ideas off of one another. They ended up falling asleep at about four in the morning. Louis fell asleep first, phone laid across his chest, his head resting on Niall’s shoulder.


	18. Chapter 18

The next two weeks were spent at Niall’s place. 

Louis practically lived in the studio in Niall’s basement, music being the only thing running through his mind for the majority of his stay. He spent his time writing new songs, as well as recording demos of them. 

Niall had him signed by the middle of the first week. The news of Niall signing Louis spread like wildfire, both of their names trending on social media for the whole day it was announced. The fans were excited. The media had a lot to say, as well. 

He was happy, Louis. He was finally getting to make music again. He was finally getting to do what he loved the most. Louis couldn’t feel more on top of the world. He couldn’t wait to get his music out for the fans and to hear what they thought about it. 

He was planning to drop two songs by the end of the second week -  _ Back to You  _ and  _ Miss You _ , the songs Niall helped him with the most. Niall told him that he didn’t want any credit for it, that he wanted Louis to get all the credit. His excuse was something about not wanting to overshadow Louis’ career by being credited for writing on his songs. 

Though, Louis secretly wouldn’t have minded, if Niall was credited for all the help he’s given him. 

The whole stay wasn’t completely about the music, though. 

Harry still called at least once a night. Louis never answered, but he always listened to the voicemails before bed.

_ “I want to talk to you,” _ Harry said one night,  _ “I mean, I suppose I could over these messages, with how much I call you, but, that’s not the same, is it?”  _

Louis almost called him back, that night, curious to know what it was he wanted to talk about.

But, he didn’t, deciding that going to sleep was the better option. 

A few days later, and Louis was almost done with the two tracks, with two days to spare to his self-imposed deadline. All he needed to do was add the finishing touches to them. 

However, at that moment, he was taking a quick, well-deserved break, mindlessly spinning around in one of the chairs in the studio as he had a think about what else he needed to do to finalize the tracks. 

The break was going to be a bit longer than what he wanted, Louis realized, as he heard a shout from upstairs.

“Hey!” Louis heard Niall shout from what he guessed was the living room. Louis stopped spinning, blinking in confusion as he took a moment to listen.

What the hell was going on?

“Get your hands off me!”  

The moment Louis heard Niall shout again, he sprung up from his seat, hurrying back upstairs to see what was going on.

“N-Niall?” Louis called out, “Niall, lad? Are… Are you oka--” 

Louis stopped in his tracks, his eyes going wide at the sight in front of him.

Niall was in a fight.

With Harry.

“No,” Louis mumbled to himself, his heart racing. He hurried over to the two men throwing punches at each other, somehow finding his way in between them, the smell of alcohol hitting his nose the moment he found himself sandwiched between the two.

“Stop!” He shouted, pushing Niall back. The lad listened, stepping back with his hands up in an apology, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. 

Harry, on the other hand, decided against listening to Louis, lunging forward in an attempt to grab at Niall again.

“Stop!” Louis quickly spun around and shoved Harry away, much harder than he pushed Niall. Harry stumbled back, eyes wide in shock as he looked at Louis.

“L-Lou…” Harry squeaked out, “I --” 

“That’s enough, Harry,” Louis muttered, staring him down, “Leave me alone, okay? Leave me alone. Leave Niall alone. Niall did nothing wrong. Just… Just go back to ignoring me, yeah? Just get the hell out of here, so I can go back to work.” 

“No, L-Louis… I need to… I need to tell you some--”

“That’s enough, Harry!” Louis yelled, his voice cracking at Harry’s name. Harry looked away at the sound of it, which caused Louis to look down at his feet. “Just… Just fucking leave me alone. I… I don’t want you in my life, yeah…? Just stop. Please. Stop calling me. Stop doing whatever the hell  _ this _ is. You made it damn clear you didn’t want me, so why can’t you just leave me alone?”

Harry didn’t respond. He just stood there.

It felt like an eternity past by before Harry finally turned around and left.

“Fuck!” Louis jumped at the door slamming behind Harry, slamming his fist on the counter that divided the kitchen and the living room. He put his head in his hands, trying his best not to cry, but a sob still managed to escape.

He tensed up at the feeling of a hand on his back, feeling it slowly move back and forth over his body in an effort to comfort him.

“Lou,” Niall mumbled, “It’s my fault. I’m sorry. He was drunk, and he wanted to see you. I told him you weren’t here. He walked in anyway and I pushed him and he pushed harder, and, well… you saw.” 

Louis nodded into his hands, letting out a shaky sigh.

“I’ll be out of here after I finish the songs,” Louis told him, lifting his head to look over at Niall, “I’ll get out of your hair. I’ll… I’ll find a new studio. I just… I need to finish this, first. Then you can be free from all this bullshit. I’m sorry, Ni, for putting you through this. None of this should’ve happened.” 

“Lou,” Niall said again, “Louis, mate, you don’t need to leave. I’m fine. Everything’s okay. Take all the time you need, bud. I’m not going to kick you out over something as stupid as this. If anything, I should have told him you were here, and that you were busy. He might’ve just… been nicer. I don’t know.” 

“That wasn’t Harry,” Louis cut in with a sniffle, his voice barely above a whisper, “I… None of this has been Harry. Harry hasn’t been Harry since… I don’t know. I just… I wish he’d be back to normal. Back to who I fell in love with.” 

This was all Louis’ fault. If only he just told Harry who he was from the moment they met. If only Arthur didn’t exist. 

This wouldn’t have happened, if Louis decided to tell the truth from the start. 

“Harry hasn’t been Harry since you were kicked out of the band,” Niall assured him, “Harry’s tried to be Harry since then. Sometimes the old him comes through the cracks, but… He hasn’t been Harry in a long while. Getting you kicked out of the band, that destroyed him. He… He told us, that night, about watching you get carried out. He told us that he tried to apologize and that you just looked… so dead inside - like your whole world was taken away, which, it was.” Niall let out a sigh.

“We… We never got back on that tour bus, you know. It would’ve been wrong. We stayed in hotels ever since that night. No more busses, only vans.” Louis rubbed at his eyes, letting out a sigh.

“Why did he have to do it?” Louis squeaked out, “Why did he have to destroy my life? I don’t… I never knew what happened. I don’t remember anything from those photos, and yet… and yet  _ I  _ was the one who was punished. It’s not fair, Niall. It really isn’t.” Niall pulled Louis into a tight hug, gently rubbing his back in an attempt to comfort him. 

“He never told us why, or what happened that night. Zayn tried asking one, and… and he just stayed silent, staring out the window of the van, looking lost as ever.” Niall sighed once more. “The hiatus was his doing. He was going to leave, too. Threatened it before Zayn even left. The hiatus was a compromise to get him to stay, to get us all to stay. I’m still not quite sure how Zayn got past it.” Louis looked up at Niall.

“I… I just…” Louis took a deep breath, “I just wish I hadn’t been in the band, to begin with. I wish I never auditioned. That way I would have never met Harry, and none of this would have happened. You four would have been better off as a band on your own, for the whole duration of One Direction’s time. There wouldn’t be such a big mess around the band. You lot would be so much happier. Harry and I would be in a much better place if we didn’t know each other.” 

“Don’t say that,” Niall told him, “The band wouldn’t have been the same without you, you know. It  _ wasn’t _ the same without you. The band started to go downhill, without you. There’s no way we could have worked without you in it from the start.” Louis shrugged at his words, staring down at the counter. 

“As for Harry, he was so much happier around you. He was getting back on his feet, and, I think, you were too. He was writing happier music, would send me bits of it - songs about being in love and the stars aligning. I think, I think the stars truly did align, when Harry met you, both as Louis and as Arthur. You make him a better person, Louis. Well, most of the time, I suppose.” Louis let out a shaky sigh, pushing back his hair.

Maybe the stars did align, but Louis didn’t think he could handle any of this anymore.

“I need to finish my music,” he muttered, looking up at Niall, “I need to get it done, and all this has cut way too far into my work time.” 

“Louis, take a break, mate. Take a real break. Have a beer, or something. Watch a show. Just, take a break.” 

“I can’t, Niall. I just can’t.” 

He spent the rest of the night working on his songs, finally finishing them in the early hours of the next morning. He was relieved to finish them, having spent almost every waking moment of the past two weeks working hard to perfect them. Now all he had to do was put them out into the world for everyone to hear.

Louis never felt so calm, going to sleep. 

He woke up about six hours later to his phone buzzing loudly beside him. A frustrated groan escaped his throat as he rolled over to grab his phone, squinting at the bright screen to see who was calling him. 

Louis wasn’t surprised one bit to see Harry’s name displayed across the screen. 

Of course, he was calling him yet again, even after being told not to. Of course, Harry wasn’t going to leave him alone. Anger rose in his chest as he hit the answer button, quickly bringing the phone up against his ear.

“Harry, I swear to god, if you don’t stop calling me --” 

“This isn’t Harry.” 

Louis blinked in confusion at the female voice coming out of his phone. He felt a knot in his stomach at it, unsure who the voice belonged to. 

Did Harry pick up a girl last night, after he left? Was Louis  _ that  _ disposable to him? Was he that disposable, that, after Louis finally rejected him, he just moved onto the next person?

Louis pushed down that thought, catching onto the vague familiarity of the voice that made him feel even more sick to his stomach. 

“If… If this is the blonde…” Louis started, his voice wavering, “I’m… I’m going to hang up.” 

“No. No, this isn’t the blonde,” the voice assured him, “It’s Sarah, but thanks for thinking I’m Camille, though, Arthur.” 

It was weird, hearing someone call him that name. 

It had been a bit since someone had called him Arthur, but, he figured that Harry hadn’t told his band anything. Which, he supposed Harry didn’t have much of a reason to, and, Louis was perfectly fine with his identity not being exposed. He knew he wasn’t ready to have everyone know who Arthur really was. 

It would just add fuel to the fire that was the mess he already needed to deal with. He couldn’t imagine the field day the fans and the media would have after finding out that bit of information. He couldn’t imagine the theories that would be made out of the details the fans already knew about Arthur and Louis as separate people.

Things definitely would need to be sorted out before people started finding out who Arthur was.

“Why are you calling me?” Louis questioned Harry’s drummer, “And… Why on Harry’s phone?” 

“Look. I don’t know what happened between you two, but he’s refusing to get out of bed. He says he isn’t doing the show tonight.” 

“And, why, exactly, is that my problem?” 

“He came back crying over  _ you _ last night. I’m pretty sure it’s your problem,” Sarah muttered, clearly not amused with Louis, “You two need to talk this out, Arthur. I don’t care if you think you shouldn’t, or whatever, but, Harry needs this. You need this too. It would help both of you out a lot, I bet, if you came and talked it out amongst yourselves.” Louis rolled his eyes.

He was starting to get sick of people telling him to fix things with Harry. He didn’t know why everyone thought he and Harry would be the perfect couple, but it was starting to get on his nerves. Louis didn’t want to talk to Harry. He was tired of the drama, of worrying about Harry. He wanted to be done with it all. 

“Just… Just convince him to perform tonight. Tell him it will do him some good, or something. I don’t care. It shouldn’t be that hard.” Louis stared down at his fingers as he pulled at a loose string on the blanket around him. “I’ve got stuff I need to work on these next few days, so I can’t really travel anywhere right now. I’m sorry. He should be able to deal, right? Tell him I told him to get off his ass and do his job, if he doesn’t listen to you.” He heard Sarah let out a frustrated sigh from the other side of the line. 

“Alright, fine. Sure. I don’t have time for this. Just, try to see Harry when you can, yeah? It really would help.” She hung up the phone, leaving Louis alone in the silence of Niall’s guest bedroom.

It was taking a toll on Louis, all the drama between him and Harry. It was taking a toll on Harry too, apparently just as much, if not more. 

He didn’t quite understand it, though - Harry was the one that left him. Harry was the one who did the heartbreaking. So, why was Harry more hurt in all of this? It didn’t make sense. Louis couldn’t think of anything other than everything Louis was certain he mended with Harry that could have affected Harry so much. Other than the Niall situation, of course. 

But, that shouldn’t have affected him all that much, should it have? They weren’t together anymore, when that happened. 

Louis shook his head, tiredly rubbing his face. 

He needed to go back home. 

He said he would leave Niall’s after finishing his songs, and, well, he finished them. 

Louis let himself get ready for the day. Since Niall was on break from his own tour, he’d be sleeping in, so Louis left a sticky note on the door of the studio, notifying Niall that he left and giving him instructions on what to do with the songs if he wasn’t back in time to drop them on himself.

He went home and things felt normal again. He thanked Calvin for taking care of Clifford while he was away, Calvin left, and then it was Louis’ turn to take care of Clifford. 

Once Clifford was taken care of, Louis plopped himself on the couch and watched a bit of television. He didn’t want to do much else besides that, just wanting a bit of a relaxing day - a day to chill out after stressing over both his music and Harry for so long. He even kept his phone far away from him until the evening, deciding to check to see if any important notifications had sprung up while he was away. 

Sure enough, when he checked, there was a voicemail from Harry waiting for him. Louis was surprised at the lack of messages. Usually, Harry left multiple a night. 

Louis let out a sigh as he crawled into his bed, wanting to get comfortable before he’d have to listen to what Harry had to say. When he was finally wrapped up in his blankets, he pressed play on the voicemail, closing his eyes as Harry’s voice rang through his room. 

_ “H-Hi, uh… Arthur.”  _ Harry sounded awful, Louis noticed immediately.  _ “I uh… I know you said not to… to talk to you again, or… whatever, but… I dunno. This is stupid. I’m sorry. I just… While I was performing tonight, I saw someone that looked like you… It made me really miss you. Like,  _ really _ miss you. I don’t know… I had a lot of wine on stage tonight. I’m sorry. I miss you a lot. I really do. Anyway, good night, Artie. I love you. I’m sorry.”  _ Louis’ eyes flew open, his heart beating fast. 

Harry loved him. 

“Oh my god,” Louis said to himself, sitting up and rubbing his face. “Oh my god.”

He was getting pulled back in, and he didn’t care at all. 

Louis quickly scrolled through his contacts, searching for Sarah’s number. Harry gave him the band’s numbers at the beginning of the tour, in case something happened and Louis needed to get ahold of them. Louis was glad for that, letting out a sigh of relief when he found her number. 

 

**Get me tickets to the next show and I’ll be there.**

**Don’t tell Harry.**


	19. Chapter 19

The next show, much to Louis’ surprise, was in Paris. 

Not wanting to fly, he traveled there by train, two days after texting Sarah. 

It was an interesting experience, to say the least.

There were a few people that recognized him as Arthur, since he was wearing the sunglasses again. The internet blew up over that. 

However, the internet blew up even more when Louis’ songs dropped, what was to them, out of nowhere. Louis tweeted the links to them out on his actual account only a couple of hours after people started freaking out that Arthur was back, after Niall gave him the okay to announce the drop. 

The reaction was overwhelming. It was immensely positive, and Louis had to try his hardest not to burst out into tears of joy. He hadn’t expected such a huge, positive reaction. 

It was amazing. 

The lads texted Louis, congratulating him on his music. Harry even texted him, which Louis didn’t mind one bit. 

 

_ Congratulations on the music. They both sound great.  _

 

Louis leaned his head against the train’s window, watching the world go by with a content smile on his face. 

The only way this could be better was if he and Harry were still together. Though, if he and Harry were still together, he probably wouldn’t have had the same opportunity to release the songs he did make, most likely. So, in a way, he was glad he and Harry weren’t together. Not at the moment, at least. 

When he finally arrived in Paris, he didn’t have much time to go before the concert. By the time he got to the venue, there were about fifteen minutes to go before the opening act went on. 

He felt out of place as he wandered into the venue late, hurrying to find his place by the catwalk. The crowd around him quickly figured out he was Arthur Rodgers, Harry Styles’ best friend. Some of them asked for pictures, some kindly greeted him. It was nice, though. Louis had always liked meeting the fans. 

Eventually, Harry was up on stage. He looked amazing, wearing a cheetah-printed suit, but at the same time, seeing him broke Louis’ heart. He looked so lost, so sad, as if he didn’t want to be there. 

Louis bit his lip, pushing his sunglasses closer to his face. It was his doing, Louis knew that. He wished it wasn’t his fault, but he knew it was. 

He watched a smile spread across Harry’s face as he heard the crowd chant his name. Louis smiled at it too, amused by the way they pronounced the lad’s name. 

Harry looked like he was going to cry during  _ Meet Me in the Hallway,  _ and Louis wanted to hold him - to tell him he loved him and that he was sorry. He wanted to make everything better for the two of them. 

The time came for Harry to make his way down the catwalk. Louis watched as Mitch made his way down first, then some security guards, then Harry. As Harry came close, Louis reached a hand out, grabbing at Harry’s hand. 

It was as if the world around them stopped. 

Harry came to a standstill, jerking his hand back a bit in surprise. He turned to look at who grabbed his hand, eyes going wide when he saw Louis. Louis gave him a shy smile, giving his hand a squeeze in assurance. Harry gave him an acknowledging nod, squeezing his hand back before letting go and continuing to make his way to the b-stage. 

Harry seemed a little less lost after that. 

“This is for you,” Harry mumbled into the mic before  _ If I Could Fly _ , making a point to glance back at the catwalk.

The rest of the show went well. 

Harry definitely picked up after seeing Louis, as if he was trying to prove something to him. He seemed happier, like he actually wanted to be there. It was great, and Louis was proud of him, but, every so often, he’d catch Harry’s smile falter, or Harry’s feet stumble over themselves, or even a flash of that lost look in his eyes. 

Harry bolted off the stage when the show was done, the scene causing a sick feeling in Louis’ stomach.

He needed to talk to him. They needed to sort this whole mess out. 

Louis pushed through the leaving crowd, making his way backstage with the help of a guard. The first person he saw when he got backstage was Sarah. Their eyes met and she gave him a knowing look, pointing down the hall.

“He ran straight to his dressing room, poor lad,” Sarah told him, “Looked like he was about to cry. Be gentle with him, yeah?” Louis nodded, giving the drummer a sad smile as he turned to make his way to the dressing room. He pushed his hair back, a shaky sigh escaping his lips. 

He thought this was supposed to make everything better, coming here, coming to see Harry. But, it didn’t. Harry just put on a fake smile before running off to cry.

Louis didn’t want this. He didn’t want to hurt Harry like this. He  _ shouldn’t  _ have hurt Harry like this. Harry shouldn’t have hurt him either. They should have just avoided this all together. 

Louis should have just not gone to that concert in Manchester. He would’ve avoided jumping to the conclusion that Harry cheated on him. Harry would still think he was Arthur. Harry would not have left him. Everything would’ve been okay right now, if Louis didn’t decide to surprise Harry that first time around.

He was such an idiot. 

Louis stood in front of the door to Harry’s room, tears stinging his eyes as he took a deep breath. 

This was it. 

This was either going to go terribly or go amazingly. 

Either way, it was going to hurt. They couldn’t get to the amazing part without going through the bad stuff first. 

He gave a hesitant knock to the door, waiting a moment of an answer before deciding to open the door without an answer, poking his head into the room. Louis could see him curled up on the couch in the corner of the room, his suit jacket thrown on the floor, his hands over his face, his body trembling as he sobbed into them. 

It broke Louis’ heart, seeing him like that. 

“Ari...?” Louis slowly spoke, imitating the way the crowd said Harry’s name as he pushed the door open a bit more. He thought it would make Harry laugh, that it would make him a bit happier in this whole situation. It didn’t make him laugh. 

He stepped into the room, closing the door as Harry sat up. Harry quickly wiped his face, pushing away the tears. 

“A-Artie,” Harry mumbled back, refusing to look at Louis, “What are you doing here, huh? Got tired of Niall? He… He stop fucking you?”

“Harry…” Louis carefully sat down next to him, biting his lip as he put a hand on Harry’s knee, trying to comfort him. “I… I’m sorry. It was a stupid mistake. There’s nothing going on between us, I promise. It was… We were drunk, and, we thought it would be a fantastic idea to piss you off, because you hurt me, I guess. I regretted it the next morning. We both did, I promise you. I felt awful for doing that to you.” 

“I hurt you… I’m… I’m sorry…” Harry looked up at Louis, and it was as if Louis was back in 2014, being dragged away from his life. The look was the exact same, every bit of the green sea that was Harry’s eyes showing sadness and regret in them. 

Louis had to look away, covering his hands with his face. It was all too much. 

He felt a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

“Lou…?” Harry squeaked out, “I really am sorry… I shouldn’t have left. I shouldn’t have blocked you. I just… I got scared. I’ve been trained that I’m not allowed to love you, that, if I do, something bad will happen, and… and I already ruined your life once. I… I couldn’t do that to you again, so I ran away. But… I still hurt you. I ruined both of our lives, just like last time.” 

“When… When you said you weren’t ready to be yourself, it really broke my heart. You’re in  _ hiding _ , Louis. You shouldn’t have to hide. None of us should. But, at the same time, if you weren’t ready, I had to respect that. I just… I didn’t want to ruin everything by accidentally calling you the wrong name, or something.  Or… Someone finding out that we’re together and then hurting you that way. I couldn’t live with that. So, I tried to distance myself. It was a shitty move. I’m sorry.” 

“You were trying to protect me…” Louis looked up at Harry, pushing his sunglasses up and letting them rest on top of his head, “You… You didn’t want to hurt me. You didn’t want this hurting us in the long run.” Harry nodded quietly.

“But it did. It just caused a bigger mess.” Harry mumbled, looking away as he sat up a bit, pulling his knees to his chest, “You told me, that first night you were at my house, that… that you were sure that Louis would have forgiven me, that  _ you’d _ be able to forgive me. But, that night, after we… I don’t know if it was the pain meds talking, or what, but… I couldn’t help but wonder if you’d actually forgive me, which made me think about everything else, and… I don’t know. I ran away and made it worse. I’m proper shit. I know. I’m sorry.” 

Louis couldn’t help but question how long Harry had been beating himself up over this, how long his life had been screwed over by this. 

Was it this whole time? Did he have nightmares going back to that day as well? Did he find himself stopping in the middle of whatever he was doing all because he let his mind wander too far into the past? Or did it all stop affecting him after a while? Did it just pick up again after that day in the streets of Manchester? Louis barely knew Harry’s side of the story. 

Harry had told him it was an accident, all those years ago. Back then, the first year or so after that day, Louis didn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe that such a stupid mistake could have happened. He didn’t want to believe that he was thrown out over a  _ mistake _ . He wanted to believe it was intentional, wanted a real reason to hate Harry, to have some logical reason as to why he was removed from the band. 

But, deep down, Louis always knew Harry would never do something like that on purpose. It would have run them  _ both _ the risk of being thrown out. 

It would have ended the band. 

“I forgave you a long time ago,” Louis quietly admitted, “I’m not mad at you. Not anymore. Sure, I feel sad about it sometimes. I get sad that I missed out on shit - late nights on the bus, writing shitty songs, telling shitty jokes, all of it. I missed it all. But, if I never got kicked out of the band, we wouldn’t be backstage at your second tour, would we? We’d still be in the band, probably overworked and overtired, still being told off for so much as looking at each other.” Harry nodded quietly, a shy smile pulling at his lips. 

“I suppose you have a point,” Harry murmured, putting his legs down so he could sit up better. Louis watched him for a moment before speaking up again.

“The… The only thing that’s really upset me, over the past four years, besides the nightmares and all that shit, was… was that I never knew what happened that night. I never knew about those pictures. I never knew that we even kissed.” Louis sighed, looking down at his feet. “I just wish I remembered enough of what happened that night to understand what happened. The last thing I remember is seeing you walk through the door of that club and I just… I just want to know what happened, that night.” 

Harry opened his mouth, seemingly about to answer, before he closed it and stayed silent. Louis shook his head, certain he was never going to get an answer about what happened. 

“Put your glasses back on,” Harry whispered to him after a couple of seconds of silence. Louis frowned, looking up at him in confusion. Why did he want that? 

“N-no,” Louis frowned, “Why would I…?” Harry quickly shook his head, pushing down the glasses for him, just as the door opened. Harry looked towards the door, biting down on his lip. 

“I know, I’m… I’ll be out in a second.” 

Louis heard the door close and Harry let out a sigh, tired green eyes returning their attention to him. 

“I forgot,” Harry said as he picked up his suit jacket off the floor, standing up to put it back on its hanger, “I’m on a schedule. I was meant to be out of here about five minutes ago, so I can get some sleep, and so we can get to the next place. Gotta get out of the rest of this suit quick.” Louis looked away as Harry pulled off his tank top, feeling his face heat up as a laugh escaped Harry’s mouth.

“Artie, mate, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before,” Harry spoke up, causing Louis to glance over at him, just as he was pulling his trousers down. He flipped Harry off, covering his face.

“Ari, mate, you’ve got a point, but, it’s a dumb one.” 

“Ari, huh?” Louis was sure Harry had a smirk on his face. “Is that what we’re calling me, now? I’m not Styles, anymore?” 

“You’ll always be Styles, but you can be Ari, too. Besides, if you’re gonna call me Artie still, then, I might as well call you something cuter than Styles.” He heard Harry let out a low hum, feeling him sit down next to him.

“Ari and Artie,” Harry whispered, gently pulling Louis’ hands away from his face. Louis shyly looked down at their hands, watching Harry intertwine their fingers. “I like the sound of that.” 

“Me too,” Louis whispered back.

Harry leaned in, as if he was going to kiss Louis. Louis wanted him to. He  _ really  _ wanted him to. So, when Harry stopped himself, just centimeters away from Louis’ face, Louis couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed. Harry sat back, letting go of Louis’ hands. 

“I have to go,” Harry told him, running his fingers through his curls, “I’ll be told off, if I don’t get on the bus soon. Where are you staying tonight? Do you have a ride? You can get on the bus, and we’ll drop you off, if you want?” Louis blinked, his heart dropping at the sudden realization Harry’s questions gave him. 

“Shit,” Louis muttered, putting his head in his hands, “I… I knew I forgot to do something. This was all a really last minute trip. I should’ve double checked everything before I left.” 

“You didn’t book a hotel?” Harry frowned, tugging at the strings on his hoodie as he tried to figure out what to do about the situation. “You could stay on the bus tonight, if you want. But, you’ll have to come to the next stop, then. Because, the moment we get on that bus, we’re on the road to Milan. But, if you don’t want that, then… then I can pull some strings and get you a hotel room.” 

Louis frowned as he tried to decide which was a better option. He preferred the idea of waking up with Harry in Milan over waking up alone in Paris. However, he was also certain Calvin was getting sick of house-sitting for him, so he did want to get back as soon as possible. 

But, who knew the next time Louis would see Harry? He was well into his tour, despite having not finished the first leg of it quite yet. Besides, it seemed as though they were on the mend now, and Louis didn’t want to ruin that.

“Well, I suppose I could stay on the bus,” Louis told him, instantly seeing Harry’s eyes light up, “But, it depends on where in the bus I’ll be sleeping.” Harry grinned.

“We’ll make room for you. Might just have to bunk with me, if we can’t find a proper space for you.” 

“What a shame that would be.” Harry rolled his eyes at him, leaning forward and kissing Louis’ forehead before helping Louis up.

“Come on, Artie. Let’s get to that bus.” 


	20. Chapter 20

They walked hand in hand out of the dressing room. If anyone were to ask, it was because Louis’ eyes were hurting him more than usual, so it was harder to navigate around. Louis walked a bit behind Harry, letting him led the way as he ducked his head down, trying to make the story more believable.

Harry let of his hand the moment they stepped foot in the bus. Harry looked over at Mitch and Adam, who Louis assumed shared the same bus as him. They stared back at Louis in confusion from their place on the couch, which, in all honesty, made Louis feel self-conscious. He pushed his sunglasses closer to his face, hoping the two of them couldn’t see right through his disguise. 

“What’s he doing here?” Mitch asked, pointing at Louis, “You’re not supposed to bring… guests… onto the bus.” Louis could see Harry’s face starting to turn red, feeling his own face starting to burn up a little. 

“He’s not a  _ guest _ . I mean, well, he is, but…” Harry rubbed the back of his neck, a frustrated frown on his face. “Not like that. He forgot to book a hotel and I’m giving him a place to stay for the night.” Mitch gave him a look, taking a sip out of the wine glass he was holding onto.

“Where’s he staying, then?” Adam piped up, “I’m assuming the extra bunk?”

“Well, actually, since it’s my night for the master bedroom --” Mitch cut Harry off.

“Oh my god, you’re gonna fuck.” 

“No, we’re not!”

Louis crossed his arms, watching the three of them bicker back and forth. He wondered if this bickering was a nightly occurrence on the bus, or if it was just the addition of Louis to the bus that caused it. 

He cleared his throat after a few minutes of listening to them argue, causing them to stop and look his way.

“I… I can sleep in the spare bunk, if it’s really that big of a deal,” Louis spoke up, “It’s not a problem.” 

Though, it was.

He hadn’t been in a bunk on a tour bus in a long time. He knew it would be a cause for a bad night of sleep. Louis would much rather have Harry nearby, in the case of a nightmare springing up. 

Harry’s gaze softened at Louis’ words. “Are… Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Harry asked him, “Artie, you don’t have to sleep in a bunk, if you don’t feel comfortable with it.” 

“I mean, if you three are going to fight about it... “ Louis mumbled, looking down at his shoes, “Then, maybe I should stay in the extra bunk. Or… Or, on the couch, or something. I dunno.”

He felt bad, like he was intruding. Which, in a way, he was, he supposed, by even being there. But, It felt like he was intruding past Harry’s invite into the bus, and he didn’t want that. 

“Art, lad,” Adam said, a concerned frown on his face, “We’re only pulling Harry’s leg. It’s nothing serious. You can stay in the master with him tonight, like Harry wants. That’s only if you want to, though. We don’t mind, so long as you two aren’t loud about it.” 

“We’re not --” Harry cut himself off with a sigh, running his fingers through his hair. Louis knew there was no use in trying to convince them otherwise, so, Harry must have figured the same. “I’m going to bed. Arthur, if you want to come with, or if you want to stay in the spare bunk, then so be it. Either’s fine with me.” He turned to go to the master bed, passing the aisle of bunks on the way. Louis watched him, teeth sinking into his lips. 

He didn’t know if he and Harry were even okay enough to be in the same bed for a night. 

Perhaps he was better off sleeping on his own.

Though, Harry  _ did  _ want Louis to be with him. Louis wanted to be with him as well. And, he also didn’t want to risk waking up somewhere in between Paris and Milan, screaming his head off and scaring Adam and Mitch, either. So, yes, bunking with Harry was his best bet for a decent night.

His eyes quickly flickered between Adam and Mitch’s faces, giving the two of them a nod in acknowledgment before he followed behind Harry.

The master bedroom was, well, as much of a master as a bedroom on a tour bus could be. Louis figured they called it such because of the actual bed in the room, as opposed to the less comfortable bunks just outside of it. He closed the door behind him, watching as Harry pulled his hoodie off and tossed it to the side of the room before sitting on the bed and kicking his shoes off.

“This room is meant to be mine,” Harry explained as he neatly set his shoes against the end of the bed, “But, since Mitch and Adam also live on the bus, I kind of felt bad knowing that they’d have to sleep on the bunks, because, we both know how uncomfortable those get. So, we switch off every night, or, every stop. It depends sometimes. Bedding gets washed and changed between each person, so the bedding’s fresh, and everything.” 

Louis nodded quietly, kicking his own shoes off before looking down at what he was wearing. He dressed up a bit for the concert, wearing black skinny jeans and a proper windbreaker of a jacket, which certainly wasn’t anything comfortable to be sleeping in. 

“Must be annoying,” Louis mumbled, eyeing Harry’s jumper that had been thrown off to the side. He bent over and picked it up, opting to wear that to bed instead of what he was wearing now. “You know, changing where you sleep every night.” 

He earned a shrug from Harry, who was intently watching Louis change out of the windbreaker and into the hoodie. He had the decency to look away whilst Louis slipped out of his jeans, though. 

“I mean, technically we’re changing where we sleep every night, as is,” Harry told him, looking back up as Louis joined him on the bed, “Since, you know, we’re in different places every night.” 

“Not what I meant, Styles,” Louis replied, pointing a finger at him. 

Harry simply rolled his eyes, crawling under the covers before looking back up at him, waiting for Louis to join him. Louis was about to, until he remembered the conversation that had been cut off before they got into the bus. The answer he had been waiting for years for was so close, yet seemed so far away.

“H-Harry? What… What happened that night?” Louis asked, his voice barely a shaky whisper as his blue eyes met Harry’s green, “Please tell me.” 

Fear and sadness washed over the emerald sea that was Harry’s eyes. He looked vulnerable -  small, almost - as he tugged at the covers, wanting Louis to get into bed. Louis sighed, crawling under the covers and rolling over to look at him.

“Tell me.” 

Harry stayed silent. Louis wondered if Harry was trying to avoid giving him an answer he’d been searching for, or if he was just trying to find the right words to say. He hoped it was the latter as he looked into Harry’s eyes, trying to search for anything that could give him an answer, even if it was just the slightest one.

After what felt like a few minutes but what was probably only a few seconds, Louis gave up and rolled over with a frustrated sigh, mumbling out a ‘goodnight’ to Harry as he closed his eyes.

“You were crying.” 

Louis rolled onto his back, turning his head to look at Harry. “What?” 

“You were crying, when… when I showed up at the club. When I got to you, you ran over to me and pulled me into one of the tightest hugs, I think, that anyone has ever given me. And, I asked you why you were crying, and, you told me that Management was going to make you do more stuff with Eleanor, I can’t quite remember what, but I know it wasn’t good. We talked about it and got proper drunk. You told me, at some point, that you wished there was a way that you could just say ‘fuck you’ to Management.”

Harry stopped speaking, closing his eyes and taking a moment to breathe as he tried to figure out how to word the next part of the story. 

“And then… I.. I kissed you. And, you kissed me back,” Harry mumbled, not looking at Louis, “We only kissed, nothing else. I just… I wanted you to be happy. That’s all. I didn’t want you to cry anymore. And, when you kissed me back, I realized that it was probably going to be the only time you and I would ever kiss. And... I dunno, I suppose I wanted some sort of memory of it, knew I wouldn’t believe it happened in the morning. You were drunker than me, by a few beers, so I didn’t even know if you would remember it. But, I managed to take pictures, while we kissed. Which, is disgusting, come to think of it. I wish I never did it. But, I did, and I can’t really take it back, now can I?” 

Louis watched as Harry rolled onto his back, rubbing his face with his hands.

“To this day, I have no clue how those photos got on Twitter. I wish I could tell you how they got on there, but I can’t. I blacked out in the car, after Liam gathered everyone to get back to the hotel we were staying at. I probably did post them, but I don’t remember it, or my motives for it. All I know is that I woke up in the morning to Liam shouting at me, telling me he had to use my phone to delete them, since I changed my account’s password without knowing. And, then, about an hour after that, I was shipped off to an emergency meeting, and I took all the blame for what happened.” 

Harry sat up, running his fingers through his hair, looking around at everything but Louis. 

“They didn’t tell me anything at that meeting. Since Liam used to sign everything, they told him at his own meeting. They said you served as a distraction for me. That was their reason for kicking you out. Their official reason, at least. What they didn’t realize, was that you being gone was a bigger distraction. I… I wish I could give you a better story, as to what happened. I’m sorry. I wish it was something bigger than that. You deserve a bigger reason than that.” 

Louis looked up at Harry with teary blue eyes, Harry’s green matching his. He wrapped an arm around Harry’s torso, gently pulling him back down. Harry turned his head as it hit his pillow, tears streaming down his face. Louis could feel the tears rolling down his own face, reaching forward to wipe Harry’s away, thumb grazing over Harry’s cheekbone as he leaned forward, carefully pressing his lips to the Holmes Chapel lad’s. 

“Thank you,” Louis whispered against them, “Thank you for telling me.” 

He finally got an answer, that’s all that mattered. Sure, it wasn’t quite a complete answer, but, maybe, just maybe, it would jog Louis’ own memory, and he’d be able to remember something more from that night.

Harry gave him a small kiss back before pulling away to look at him, reaching forward to wipe away Louis’ own tears. He closed his eyes at the feeling of Harry’s fingers against his face. 

It was something he thought he’d never feel again, Harry’s touch. He thought he was done for, after Harry left. He was glad to be laying there with Harry, on a bus somewhere in between Paris and Milan. 

“Are we okay, now?” Harry whispered to Louis, his fingers leaving his face and reaching up to push back stray strands of blonde hair. Louis hummed, giving him a shy smile.

“Go to bed, you knob,” Louis mumbled, a laugh slipping through at the end of his sentence. 

Harry grinned, wrapping an arm around Louis and pulling him close. Louis curled up next to the taller lad, laying his head on his chest. 

He felt safe, in Harry’s arms. It was as if the world couldn’t get to him when Harry was holding him. They were safe, together, in this little room on this tour bus.

But, it didn’t stop the nightmares from plaguing his sleep.

He woke up not long after he fell asleep, his body covered in sweat as he screamed. 

He couldn’t breathe. Something was pushing on his chest and he couldn’t breathe. He reached up for his chest, soon realizing it was only Harry’s arms around him, pulling him close to his body. 

“I’ve got you,” Harry sleepily whispered, “You’re safe. I’ve got you. No one’s gonna take you away. I won’t let them.” Louis felt himself relax at the sound of Harry’s voice, but he still couldn’t help but cry. He felt Harry loosen his grip on his body, hearing him sit up.

“Are… Are you okay?” Harry squeaked out, “Was it the same dream as always?” 

Louis couldn’t answer.

He didn’t  _ know _ how to answer.

He felt as though it was the same dream, but he couldn’t remember. He could remember sad Harry eyes, and that was it. All he saw was green the shade of sadness. He didn’t know if it was the Harry in front of him’s eyes, or the Harry he used to know’s eyes. But, the panic he felt - the absolute horror that filled his mind - was enough to set him off. 

He closed his eyes, giving Harry a weak shrug, his chest heaving as he tried to get his breathing to a normal pace. 

“Come here,” Harry murmured, tugging at the bottom of Louis’ hoodie, “You’re drenched in sweat. I don’t want you overheating.” Louis let him pull off the hoodie, taking a slow breath as the cool air hit his sweaty skin. He opened his eyes at the feeling of Harry’s fingers gently tracing over the tattoos on his chest. 

He was gorgeous, Harry, with his sleepy, green eyes staring down at him and his dark curls a mess on the top of his head. He wanted to kiss him, to touch him, right then and there. If it weren’t for Mitch and Adam sleeping just outside of the room, Louis would. 

“Adam and Mitch, Harry…” Louis squeaked out, realizing that he probably already woke them up, “They’re gonna know that… That I… With the nightmares, and all…” 

“Maybe they didn’t hear…?” Harry laid back down with a yawn, watching as Louis shrugged and rolled over to face him. 

“What if they did? I… I don’t want to have to explain to them that I have nightmares. I don’t want anyone else knowing.” He reached for Harry’s hand, bring it up to his mouth and kissing it. A sleepy smile spread across Harry’s face as he let out a low hum, gently pulling Louis to sit on top of him. 

“We could have them think they heard something else…” 

Louis smirked, leaning down and pressing his lips against Harry’s jaw. 

“Is that what you want?” Louis asked, laughing softly when he felt Harry nod his head. 

“It’s up to you, Lou.” 


	21. Chapter 21

Needless to say, Mitch and Adam had absolutely no idea about Louis’ nightmares.

“Fun night?” Adam asked Harry as he and Louis answered the kitchen area of the bus, a smirk on his face. Louis watched as Harry rolled his eyes, rolling his own eyes from underneath his sunglasses as he wrapped the duvet he dragged out of the master room tighter around his body.

“Oh yes,” Harry shot back, a smirk on his own face as he grabbed an apple from the mini fridge, “Really fun. You want the details?”

“Fuck off, you two were loud enough. We don’t need details.”

“You said you two weren’t going to do anything,” Mitch chimed in, opening the fridge in search for something to eat.

“Plans change,” Louis told him with a shrug, “Harry can’t resist me.”

Harry smiled, walking back over to Louis and burying his face in the messy, blonde mop atop Louis’ head as he kissed it. He leaned back against Harry’s chest, looking up at him with a smile on his own face.

Louis was in love. He had to be. The way Harry made him feel couldn’t be argued as any other feeling than love.

He could only hope Harry felt the same way.

“You two are gross,” Mitch mumbled, closing the fridge door after grabbing a water bottle, “I’m gonna go inside the venue. Adam, come with me.”

Harry wrapped his arms around the smaller lad with a shrug, his chin resting on top of Louis’ head as his band members made their way out of the bus. Adam stopped, turning back to look at them.

“Try to keep it quiet, if you’re gonna go at it again, yeah?” Adam joked as he walked out of the bus, “Don’t want Camille to hear from the girls’ bus, do we?” Louis blinked in confusion, slowly pushing Harry’s arms off of him as he turned to look at him.

“C-Camille…?” Louis squeaked out, “I… She’s… She’s here…?” He felt sick to his stomach, anxiety rising in his chest as his heart threatened to burst out of it.

He should have known.

Louis felt like such an idiot for not thinking about the fact that she could have still been around.

What was he going to do? He was fairly certain he was stuck here for the day. Louis didn’t think he could handle spending a whole day with her. He doubted he could tolerate watching Harry play ‘house’ with Camille.

“She was brought back a couple of days ago. Jeff wanted there to be a good explanation as to why I’ve been off lately. He wanted the media to pin it on me missing her, which, no. I would never miss her.” Harry tugged Louis back into his arms by the blanket wrapped around him, sighing as he pressed his lips against Louis’ blonde fringe. “She leaves tonight. Jeff wants me to do one more stunt with her before she leaves. Do I have permission?” Louis let out a sigh of his own, leaning up to kiss Harry.

“I suppose,” Louis mumbled, knowing Harry needed to do his job and that there wasn’t much arguing to be done over stunts, “But, make sure you wash up before you kiss me again, if you’re gonna have to kiss and touch her. She’s gross.” Harry let out a laugh.

“Speaking of gross,” Harry said, “We need a shower.”

The shower, much like the master bedroom, wasn’t the biggest. Harry and Louis didn’t figure that out until they’d gotten into the shower, water dripping down their bare skin as Harry pulled Louis into his arms.

“Huh,” Harry murmured, taking a look around the shower, “Could’ve sworn this shower was bigger. Weird.”

“You’re lucky I love you,” Louis laughed, “Or else I’d get out and wait.”

It slipped out, Louis saying he loved Harry.

He wanted to wait a bit before actually saying it again, but that wasn’t going to happen now.

He didn’t expect Harry to say he loved him back, as he knew that the one time he _did_ say it was an accident, just like this. Harry probably didn’t even remember that he said it. Even so, it still hurt a little when Harry simply looked away, reaching behind Louis to grab the shampoo.

Harry wasn’t ready to say things like that, Louis had to remind himself. It was the exact reason why he planned to wait, so Harry could say it first when he was comfortable. But, such a thing was so easy to say in passing once it was already said before. Louis would just have to watch what he said a bit more.

“So.” Harry cleared his throat, squirting some shampoo into the palm of his hand. “What’s your plan after tonight? Going home? Staying?”

Louis shrugged, biting his lip as Harry reached for his blonde hair, taking it upon himself to wash Louis’ hair. He didn’t expect that, but he wasn’t going to protest against it. Harry’s calloused hands felt nice against his scalp, carefully massaging it as he lathered the shampoo into his hair.

“What made you want to go blonde?” Harry asked, humming softly as he pushed a few strands of hair onto the soapy pile on top of Louis’ head. “It suits you, but, why blonde?”

“I needed to hide who I was,” Louis grabbed the shampoo, pouring some in his own hand before standing on his toes to reach up and wash Harry’s hair. “You would have caught on quicker without the blonde, after all. Though I guess it was just an excuse to use the box of bleach that was sitting in the bathroom. I’d thought about dying it before, just didn’t have the heart to actually do it. How about you? Why keep the hair short when you could just grow it out again?”

“I _am_ growing it out.” Harry closed his eyes, leaning his head down so Louis didn’t have to struggle as much, “It’s longer than when I met you, er, I mean, well, you know what I mean.” Louis gave him a quick nod, humming softly in acknowledgment after realizing that Harry couldn’t see him nod his head.

It was silent for a few moments over that, the water dripping over them from the shower head the only thing they heard as they washed their bodies. Louis fell deep into thought, thinking about Harry’s original question.

What _was_ his plan?

He couldn’t stay here forever.

However, if someone found out that Louis Tomlinson flew out of Milan the same night Harry Styles was there, everything could be ruined. People could put two and two together. People could figure out that he and Arthur were the same person.

He couldn’t have that.

Perhaps he could stay in Milan for a few days, or, perhaps, catch a train to somewhere Harry wasn’t going to be and figure out things from there.

But, then what?

When would he see Harry next?

Things were just settling back down between them again. Things were going back to normal - the normal between Harry and Arthur, at least. The normal between Harry and Louis was a different story. Louis didn’t want to go back to that normal. He didn’t think he could go back to a mutual agreement of suppressing feelings after everything that happened. He was sure it wouldn’t at this point, though - he and Harry were washing each other’s hair in what could have been the smallest shower in the world, for fuck’s sake.

He couldn't just leave Harry after all this, could he? He supposed he could, and they could resort back to facetiming each other, but, was that what they really needed, right now?

He couldn’t leave Clifford alone, either. Calvin - bless him for putting up with Louis through this whole mess - was definitely getting sick of dog-sitting. Louis could tell from the amount of times he texted him as of late. Besides, Calvin had his own life to live. He couldn’t just watch over Louis’ house and his dog for the rest of his life. He had to watch over his own place.

After Harry turned off the water, Louis followed him out of the small space, taking the towel Harry held out to him and wrapping it around his waist.

“You alright?” Harry asked, a look of concern on his face as he wrapped his own towel around himself. Louis, not wanting to burden Harry with his thoughts, simply nodded his head in response.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine,” Louis told him, giving Harry a reassuring smile, “Just wondering what exactly I’m supposed to wear, since I don’t really have anything.”

“We’ll just have to give you some of my clothes, for the day, then.” Harry led him back to the master bedroom, crouching in front of the bed. “Nothing new, yeah? You’ve stolen my clothes before.”

He pulled out a suitcase, humming as he opened it and rummaged through it.

“Ah!” Harry pulled out some clothes, handing them to Louis. “Wear these!”

The outfit Harry picked out for him wasn’t that bad, Louis realized after putting it on. It was another one of Harry’s hoodies, paired with black trousers that had a thin, white striped pattern to it. Louis thought about making a joke about Harry only wearing his own merch, until he saw the added ‘World Tour 2019’ embroidered under Harry’s name.

“Special merch for the tour crew,” Harry explained with a shrug, pulling out a pair of black Vans for Louis to put on, holding them up for him to take, “Unless you want to wear your own shoes. That’s fine too.” Louis shrugged back at him, taking the shoes and pulling them on. They were nicer than his shoes, after all.

“Oh, and these, too.” Harry handed him a pair of white framed sunglasses. Louis blinked in confusion at them, taking note of their alien-like shape. He looked up at Harry, trying to imagine them on the lad. Harry let out a laugh at Louis’ hesitation. “Go on, then, try them on! You need new sunglasses, you know. Can’t wear the same boring pair.” Louis rolled his eyes at him, pushing the sunglasses over his eyes.

“Perfect.” Harry leaned forward, quickly pecking his lips. “You look great.”

“You’re only saying that because I look like _you_ , you fucking narcissist,” Louis retorted, playfully shoving him.

“Good point.”Harry pulled Louis into his arms, kissing the top of his head. “Best watch out, I’ll put you in one of my suits, next.”

“I’m not a dress-up doll, Ari.”

“You sure, Artie?” Harry asked, leaning down to kiss Louis’ jaw, “That’s the point of having a boyfriend, isn’t it?” Louis froze under Harry’s touch, his words confusing him.

“Boyfriend…?” Louis repeated, his voice slow in uncertainty. Harry pulled back, looking down at him, his eyes filled with concern, a hint of fear flooding in behind it.

“I…” Harry frowned. “Is that not what we are? Is that not what you want?”

Of course, Louis wanted to be Harry’s boyfriend. Couldn’t Harry see that? He just told him he loved him not even ten minutes prior to the current conversation. Why would Harry doubt something like that?

The real question was, did _Harry_ want to be Louis’ boyfriend? Did he actually want to be together? Or did he just want a fling - a quick feeling of being in a relationship without actually being in one? What did Harry want out of all this?

“Harry…” Louis sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I… We’ll talk about it tonight, yeah? You’ve got a soundcheck to get to.” Harry looked away, nodding his head in response before he started pulling his own clothes on.

Louis knew that Harry wanted an answer right away. However, Louis also knew that the discussion of just what exactly they were would take far too long for Harry’s current schedule.

“Ari,” Louis murmured, reaching out to squeeze Harry’s hand, “I just want to talk about this, yeah? Like, properly. No interruptions. No blonde birds getting in the way. A proper talk. Is that okay?” Harry looked back up at Louis, nodding once more.

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s okay.” Louis leaned up and kissed Harry’s cheek before tugging at his hand.

“Now, come on. People are waiting for you.”

They left the tour bus, walking hand in hand into the venue.

The venue was gorgeous. It was an old theatre, with ornate wall carvings framing the stage and the lighting. Louis was almost positive he’d never been there before - he would a remember a place as gorgeous as the one they were in.

“I knew you’d love this place,” Harry hummed. Louis figured that Harry had been watching him as he scanned the area, observing how the stage specially built for Harry’s show fit almost perfectly into the venue. “I knew the first time I walked in here. It uh… It was the show after, well, you know. I guess we all collectively had a feeling you would have liked this place, to be honest. That show… It… It was the hardest show I’ve ever done. You weren’t there, and… You should have been.”

“Hey,” Louis whispered, pulling Harry in for a hug, “I’m here now.”

He felt Harry’s arms wrap around him, his head burying itself in Louis’ neck. They stayed like that for a while, standing there as if the whole world was just the two of them, however, a voice eventually brought them back to reality.

“That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Louis heard Sarah say, “Please never stop.” He pulled away from Harry with a laugh, looking up to see Sarah and Clare standing on the b-stage, looking down at them.

“Hello, Sarah. Clare.”

“I’m pretty sure _that’s_ the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Clare said to Sarah, motioning to Louis, “Look at him - Harry dressed Arthur up as himself. I need to get a picture of this. The world needs to see how cute Artie looks.”

Harry stepped to the side, letting Clare take a photo of Louis. He held up a peace sign, trying to act the way Harry would in a picture. It got a laugh out of the two girls, so, he must have done something right.

 

_The new crew member is the cutest thing i’ve ever seen (@ArtieRodgers)_

 

Harry took a picture of his own - a more candid one - while Louis wasn’t noticing. In the picture, Louis was in the midst of pushing his hair out of his face, the pose almost looking as if he were a model.

 

_First day on the job (@ArtieRodgers)._

 

The fans ate the photos up. Louis wasn’t surprised one bit, but it was still nice to see all the positive comments as he watched Harry scroll through them to show Louis. He leaned back against Harry’s chest as he felt Harry’s arms wrap around him, sighing in content.

He felt happy, in that moment, with Harry’s arms around him as he read comments from the fans.

It was nice.

“You two should date.” Louis looked up at Clare said that, feeling Harry’s arm drop from around his shoulders. “You two are cute together.”

“Uh,” Harry coughed out, “Date…?” Louis looked away from Clare, to look up at Harry, trying to read the emotion on his face. Harry looked nervous, the same glimpse of fear Louis saw earlier that day settling in behind it. Louis looked away, biting his lip.

“No,” Louis mumbled, feeling frustrated tears start to fill his eyes, “No, we… We wouldn’t be good together. Not like that. I… I’m gonna go find the bathroom. I’ll be back.”

He walked off, hearing Harry call out for him - for Arthur - once, but it didn’t stop him from walking away. He couldn’t stay much longer through the conversation, if it was going to turn out as poor as Louis thought it was going to turn. He didn’t want to start crying in front of everyone and make a fool of himself over a relationship that would probably never happen.

He found a private bathroom through the back halls of the venue, locking himself in and just letting himself cry as he pulled off the sunglasses Harry gave him. He wanted to throw them as hard as he could against the wall, the frustration of it all building inside of him, but he couldn’t do that. The glasses weren’t his, and besides, if he destroyed the glasses, he would have nothing to hide behind. It would just be useless to break them.

Almost as useless as running off to hide in the bathroom after hearing something he didn’t like.

Louis cursed under his breath, running his fingers through his hair as he leaned his head back against the tiled wall.

Was he wasting his time with this? Was it pointless to try to be anything with Harry? He just wanted an answer. A definitive answer that actually made sense to him. But, that answer would have to wait until after the concert, if not longer.

He felt his phone go off in his pocket, jumping at the vibration. Louis was almost certain it was going to be Harry. Disappointment washed over him when he saw it wasn’t.

 

_Where are you?_

 

He sighed, locking his phone at the sight of Mitch’s text. Why couldn’t Harry text him? Did he not care? Was he just not bothered? Louis sighed, closing his eyes.

Of course, Harry didn’t care.

Look at him.

Louis was sitting on the floor of a bathroom, throwing a fit over nothing.

He just needed to calm down. He didn’t know what his problem was. There was no point in getting upset over such a small, stupid thing.

He didn’t even wait around long enough to hear what Harry had to say. For all he knew, Harry could have turned around the stuttering that only came from a shocked response. He didn’t know what was going to come out of Clare’s mouth, after all.

A quiet knock on the door made Louis open his eyes, looking towards the door. He almost felt as though he was hearing things, the knocking was so quiet, but then he heard it again, a soft voice following it.

“Artie…?” Louis let out a sign at the sound of Harry’s voice. “Are… Are you in there…?” For a moment, Louis wanted to stay silent to avoid the confrontation, but, instead, he reached up and unlocked the door before dropping his hand in his lap.

The door opened only the slightest bit, Harry’s head peeking in. Louis watched as he scanned the bathroom, his eyes meeting Harry’s. The Holmes Chapel lad blinked, opening the door more before stepping inside the room. He closed the door behind him, sitting down next to Louis.

Louis leaned his head against Harry’s shoulder, letting his eyes shut. He felt Harry’s lips against his temple, an arm wrapping around his shoulders.

They sat in silence for a while, and it was nice. Louis felt calmer than he previously felt. There was something about just sitting there with Harry that took away the negative emotions he was feeling. He wished he could just sit like that with Harry forever.


	22. Chapter 22

He didn’t realize he had fallen asleep until he opened his eyes, which were now shielded by the sunglass, watching the hallway move around him. 

Harry was carrying him, Louis figured, realizing that his arms and legs were loosely wrapped around Harry’s body. He buried his face into Harry’s shoulder as his tired eyes closed once more, his body starting to feel the effects of traveling. 

Harry’s arms suddenly tightened around Louis’ body, his strides slowing to a stop.

“Excuse me,” he heard Harry speak up, his voice hesitant, “Are… Are you lost? You aren’t supposed to be back here.”

“No, it’s fine,” a feminine voice replied, causing Harry to pull Louis closer to his body, “My father owns the building, I’m allowed back here.” 

“Right. Uh, well, good for you, I guess. Why exactly  _ are _ you here?” 

Louis felt sick at the nerves he heard in Harry’s voice. 

Harry got caught.

They both knew that Harry carrying him was definitely not something that was meant to be shared to the public. The two of them, and whatever it was they had between them, were meant to be private. But this person came and caught them. How exactly was Harry supposed to explain this?

“Oh, uh, just wanted the chance of running into you, I suppose,” the voice paused, “Is that Arthur? I didn’t know he was here.” 

“Hm? Oh, yeah, Arthur’s here. He forgot to book a hotel room last night, and I couldn’t leave just leave him out on the street, so, I invited him along. Which, I suppose he spent the night on the streets either way, but…” Harry trailed off for a moment, “He’s poorly. Traveling doesn’t do him good. Found him asleep in a room not meant for sleeping, so I’m just bringing him to a more comfortable place. Didn’t want to wake him.” 

The fan seemed to have bought Harry’s story, proceeding to ask for a picture. Harry agreed to her request, shifting his stance to stand next to her, all while keeping Louis close to his body.

“Might as well,” Harry explained with a shrug, “He’s posted tons of photos of me sleeping. It’s time for some of him sleeping to get out in the world, innit?” 

The two eventually said their goodbyes to one another and Harry continued on his way. Louis felt the lad let out a shaky sigh, his tight grip on him loosening just a bit as he carried him to a different section of the backstage area.

It wasn’t much longer that Louis felt Harry setting him down on something much more comfortable than the bathroom floor - a couch. A blanket was pulled over him, and a kiss was placed on the side of his face.

It was sweet of Harry, to take care of Louis like this. Louis wasn’t sure he would be capable of carrying Harry like Harry did with him. Harry was bigger than him, so it would be a bit awkward, Louis figured. He would’ve had to wake him up, if they had been in a similar situation.

“I thought you two weren’t a thing,” he heard a voice speak, “You two were both so adamantly against dating when Clare brought it up.”

“Sarah. I didn’t know you were in here.” 

“So, are you two together, or not? Because, I don’t think carrying someone around like that and tucking them in and giving them a  _ goodnight kiss _ is all that platonic.” There was a moment’s pause, as if Harry was trying to figure out what to say.

“No… We… We haven’t discussed it.” 

“Discussed? So, something’s definitely happened between the two of you, then.” 

“Something? A  _ lot  _ of things have happened between me and him. I’m not going to give you the ‘Hartie’ life story, or whatever the fuck the fans call us. I don’t know what we are. I don’t know what I  _ want _ us to be. We’re meant to discuss it tonight, but I… I don’t even know if I want to, okay? Can we just stop talking about it?” 

Louis’ heart dropped at the agitation that rose in Harry’s voice. If Harry didn’t want to talk about it, Louis needed to come up with a reason to push back their planned discussion. Perhaps leaving after the show was for the best. 

“Harry, are you okay? Do you want to talk? Maybe go into a different room so we don’t wake him?”

“He’s asleep. I can’t leave him when he’s asleep. He gets really bad nightmares. I need to stay with him. If he has a nightmare while I’m gone, I’ll need to come back to calm him down and --” 

A pause.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You love him.”

“W-What…? N-no. I --” 

“You must do. You’re trying to protect him from something neither of you can control. Come on, H, just admit it. You love Arthur.” 

“Please… Please stop,” Harry whispered, the fear in his voice breaking Louis’ heart. 

He couldn’t believe how scared Harry was with all this. Maybe leaving tonight wasn’t a good idea. Maybe they truly did need to discuss everything.

“Harry…” 

“A fan caught me carrying him around. I… I tried to make up a story as to why I was carrying him, but… I don’t know. I just… Don’t tell Arthur about any of this, please. We’ll figure it all out tonight and I’ll report back to you, if it’s so important. But, I don’t want any of this to go public. Not yet, at least.” 

“Harry, if it goes public, you’ll be okay. Your fans will love you the same.  _ We’ll  _ love you the same. Everything will be okay.” 

“I just… I need to be alone, right now. Or, as alone as I can be.”

He heard the door open and close, and felt Harry sit at the edge of the couch.

Louis heard a sob escape from Harry’s mouth.

Louis didn’t know what to do. He just wanted to cuddle Harry and tell him how much he loved him. He wanted to kiss Harry’s tears away and tell him he didn’t have to be scared of anything. But, he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t have Harry know that he’d been listening this whole time. 

And so, Louis laid there, trying his best to look as though he was still sleeping as he painfully listened to Harry cry for what felt like an eternity. It was when Harry’s cries started to quiet down that Louis let out a yawn, opening his eyes and slowly sitting up. 

“Harry…?” There was a pause in Harry’s sobs as Louis watched him quickly perk up, his hands reaching up to wipe his eyes.

“Arthur.” Harry let out a sigh, not looking at him. “I… You fell asleep, so I brought you in here. Didn’t want you sleeping on the bathroom floor, is all.”

“Harry,” Louis repeated, sitting up more. He leaned forward, reaching out to touch Harry’s wet face. “You’re crying, love.” Harry shook his head.

“It’s just stress. Nothing major.”

Louis nodded quietly. He knew that Harry would reach out to him to talk about how he really felt when he was ready to.

“Oh,” Louis murmured, gently wiping a stray tear away from Harry’s face. “Is… Is there anything I can do? Do… Do you want to cuddle for a bit?” 

Harry hesitated, staring down at Louis. It was if he was trying to figure out the chances someone walking in on him, as if he was trying to figure out what cuddling even meant in terms of relationships. He eventually nodded his head, reaching his arms out to pull Louis close to him. Louis peppered Harry’s face with kisses, wanting to prove to him that he was loved and that everything was going to be okay.

Green eyes soon closed and shaky breaths soon returned to normal. As much as Harry probably didn’t want it to, Louis was pretty sure him comforting Harry helped the lad out quite a bit.

“I… I have to soundcheck soon.” Harry mumbled after a little while, opening his eyes back up, “You can stay here and get some more sleep, if you need it. Or uh, I suppose you can watch the soundcheck. It’s up to you. Fair warning, though, I’m not sure where exactly Camille is, so, if you are going to watch, I’d look out for her.” Louis let out a soft laugh.

“I’ll be there in a bit. Need to fix my hair. Gotta make sure I look better than your girlfriend, just in case she pops up.” 

“Artie, you’ll always look better than Camille, I promise you that.” 

Harry kissed the top of his head, gently moving him out of his lap before he stood up. He gave him a quick wave goodbye before leaving the room. Louis let out a sigh, standing up to walk over to the mirror in the corner of the room, running his fingers through his hair to make sure it was perfect.

Louis knew Harry wasn’t into Camille, and yet, every time she was brought up, he couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous. It was just a stunt, Louis had to remind himself. It was just some terrible way to promote Harry as something he wasn’t. It was just an acting job for Harry - all he had to do was pretend that he was into the girl, and, the more convincing he was at it, the quicker the contract would expire.

It was hopefully the last time Harry and Louis would see her, anyway. They just had to get through the day.

He glanced over himself in the mirror, making sure he looked as good as he possibly could and not as if he was just sleeping. He straightened out his clothes, frowning a bit as he realized just how long the trousers Harry gave him really were on his legs. He let out an annoyed huff of air, sitting down on the couch and rolling the cuffs of the legs to above his ankles.

Once he finally decided he looked good enough, he headed back to the main area of the venue for Harry’s soundcheck.


	23. Chapter 23

He expected the lad to be onstage by then, but, to his surprise, Harry was standing at the steps to the main stage. He looked as though he was having a heated conversation with Jeff, Camille standing behind the lad’s manager with her arms crossed over her chest and her hair tragically unkempt. 

“I’m not dragging him into this,” he heard Harry say as he walked closer to the group, “There is no way in hell I’m dragging Arthur into this mess. Please, Jeff. Just leave him alone.”

“Dragging me into what mess?” 

The three of them turned to look at him, each with a different expression on their face. Harry wore one of fear, similar to the one on his face for must of the day, just a bit worse. Camille’s was one of annoyance. Louis could see why. She was jealous of him. Jeff’s was the most terrifying of the three, a sinister smile on his face as he cooked up his plans.

“Why, hello,  _ Arthur, _ ” Jeff sneered, “How nice of you to join us.” 

“Dragging me into  _ what _ mess?” Louis repeated, crossing his arms as he made his way to stand next to Harry. He could see Harry’s body tense up, the lad glaring at his manager.

“Oh, nothing. Just discussing the next move in Harry and Camille’s relationship.”

“Ah,  _ that _ mess.” 

“Shut it, runt,” Camille cut in, scowling at Louis. He rolled his eyes, stepping closer to Harry before returning his attention back to Jeff.

“I’m being dragged into this, why, exactly?” 

“Harry’s fans seem to like you, and they like the idea of you two being together a bit  _ too _ much,” Jeff explained, the smirk on his face making Louis feel sick to his stomach, “Which is why you’re going to endorse this relationship.”

“Endorse?” 

“He’s not endorsing anything,” Harry interjected, placing a hand on Louis’ shoulder, “You aren’t using him like this.” 

“If Mr. Rodgers doesn’t comply, then he’s not going to be allowed on the remainder of the tour.” 

“Shame he’s leaving tonight then.”

Louis blinked, looking up at the taller lad. Did he really think he was leaving tonight? Louis wasn’t even so sure if he wanted to leave. He wanted to stay with Harry forever, though, he supposed it was all down to how their conversation after the show went. 

“What do you want me to do?” 

Louis could feel Harry’s eyes on him. He couldn’t get banned from traveling with Harry, just in case they decided that a relationship would be good for them. Louis knew he’d want to stay with Harry, if things turned out okay between them.

Even without the threats of being banned from Harry’s tour, Louis and Harry both knew all too well that there wasn’t much he could do against Jeff’s schemes. 

“Artie…”

“Harry, I’ll be fine. It’s okay,” Louis looked back at Jeff, “What do you want me to do? Tweet about it? I can do that. That’s not too big of a deal.”

As Jeff told Louis what he had planned, Louis felt his heart drop. 

The plan was a simple one, to post a photo of Harry and Camille together, in some sort of affectionate situation, and to say something positive about it. The thought of having to take a photo of Harry upset him, but, there was no backing out of this. 

And so, Louis told himself to be strong through this mess he - like Harry previously said - had been dragged into, as he agreed to do what Jeff said. 

It wouldn’t be that difficult of a thing to do, Louis reminded himself. It was just the click of a button and a witty caption. That’s all. He had to do it. 

He felt Harry’s grip on his shoulder tighten, and he looked down at his feet as he heard Camille let out a laugh. 

“The runt gave in,” she started, “Finally realized Harry and I are more real than his fantasies of being a pop star’s boyfriend will ever be.”

It was a nauseating statement, the idea that something so fake could be more real than what he and Harry had. Louis couldn’t help but think, just for a second, that there could be a possibility that none of what he and Harry had gone through meant anything to the Holmes Chapel lad. 

He could have sworn he blacked out for a second at the thought. 

“Leave him alone,” Harry muttered, dropping his hand from Louis’ shoulder, “Let’s just… Let’s just get this over with, yeah?” Jeff shook his head. 

“It will happen after the show,” Jeff cut in, “That way, your fans can enjoy their Arthur content before the show and he can gain their trust. After the show, Arthur can choose whether or not he has a place to sleep tonight.” 

The manager and the stunt piece left the two of them alone after that. Louis turned to look up at Harry, his eyes meeting a look of hurt before the taller man turned away.

“Right, let’s… Let’s soundcheck,” Harry muttered, running his fingers through his hair, “Artie, erm, Arthur, just… I don’t know. Just go somewhere.” Louis bit his lip, quietly nodding his head in response. He rubbed at his forehead, turning to look for a place to hang out during the soundcheck. 

He should have known not to step into the conversation. 

His initial thoughts were to sit where he could see Harry, but he figured that, if he were in Harry’s eyesight, it might just mess him up while he rehearsed. Louis didn’t want that. 

Instead, he walked off, stepping outside through the back of the venue. It was evident that he needed a bit of fresh air to clear his mind. He made a lap around the venue, stopping at the front. 

He curiously tilted his head at the line of people sat outside the venue’s front doors, blankets wrapped around them, tents and lawn chairs nearby. Louis had always been fascinated by the idea of camping out for a concert, for anything, really. Louis knew for sure he’d never have the patience for such an action, but he was impressed by the people who did. 

It showed dedication.

He heard people shout his name - Arthur’s name - and he looked up towards the line, a few of the girls at the front of the line waving at him. He blinked, cautiously waving back at them before starting to continue on his way. They called for him again and he looked back over at them.

Was it right? Was it right for him to go and talk to Harry’s fans? Especially when Harry was upset with him already? He looked down at his clothes, shakily sighing. 

He was starting to wish he stayed home. 

They kept calling for him, the fans, so he stopped debating whether or not he should talk to them and walked over, pushing at his sunglasses to make sure his face was hidden good enough.

“Hi, Arthur!” they said, waving to him, “How are you?” 

“Eh, could be better, could be worse.” Louis shrugged. “How about you? How are you lot holding up?” 

He talked to them for a bit, learning that the fans had been camping out for a couple of days. He asked them how they did it and they explained how they’d been living for the few days they’d been sitting in line. 

It was fascinating, how dedicated they were to Harry. They would do anything for him, Louis realized, making the comparison between him and the fans. He would do anything for Harry as well. 

But, sometimes, his decisions weren’t the best, as sad as it was. 

As sad as all of this was. 

“Are those Harry’s clothes?” one of the girls asked, pulling Louis out of his thoughts, “They look like Harry’s.” 

“Yeah… uh. Yeah. I didn’t really bring anything with me, so I had to borrow some clothes.” 

“Are you two dating?” another fan asked, the question sending a sick feeling to his stomach, one that was no longer foreign to Louis.

“No,” Louis shook his head, a sad smile pulling at his face “We aren’t. He’s got someone far better than me, anyway.” 

“Do you like him?” 

“He’s my best friend, of course, I like him.” 

“No, I mean --” 

“Artie…?”

Louis turned around, hearing a voice call for him. He spotted Harry in the doorway of the venue, peeking his head out from behind the door. Louis gave him a shy smile, looking down at his feet as the fans started to scream in excitement at the sight of the Holmes Chapel lad. 

Had he calmed down, now?

“Yes, Ari…?”

“Come inside, will you? Jeff doesn’t want you out here.” 

Louis glanced at the group of fans standing behind him, sighing softly as he stepped towards Harry. He honestly didn’t want to go inside, if it was up to Jeff, but, Louis knew he had to. He stuck his hands in his pockets, walking back inside with Harry. 

Louis felt a hand around his wrist and suddenly Harry started walking faster, Louis’ smaller strides trying to keep up with Harry as he hurriedly walked through the venue, heading backstage to his dressing room. 

The moment the door closed behind them, Harry dropped Louis’ wrist, pulling him into a hug. 

“I’m sorry,” Harry mumbled against Louis’ shoulder as he hugged him back, “You shouldn’t have been brought into that.” 

“Harry, it’s okay,” Louis whispered, taking Harry’s face in his hands, “There’s nothing else we can do about it. We just got to do what we’re told. Just like old times, yeah?” 

“But, I don’t want it to be like old times,” Harry told him, tears forming in his eyes, “I’m… I’m so  _ tired  _ of having to be something I’m not. Why can’t people just… Why can’t people let me live?”

“I don’t know, Harry.” Louis kissed him gently, trying to calm him down. “But, things will work out eventually, okay?” Harry nodded, rubbing at his eyes. 

“I’m still sorry,” Harry mumbled, “I feel bad.” 

He couldn’t help but laugh a little at Harry’s second apology, looking up to see Harry looking down at him in confusion, his nose scrunched up as he tried not to smile at Louis. 

“You’re cute,” Louis whispered, leaning up to kiss him, “You’re really cute.” Harry hummed softly, kissing him back.

“You’re cute too, you know,” Harry shot back, his strong arms pulling the smaller lad close to him, “You can hide who you are, but you can’t hide how cute you are.” Louis stuck his tongue out at him before shaking his head.

“Right, enough of this. We can tell each other how cute we both are tonight. You’ve got a show to get ready for. I’ve got a picture to plan.” 


	24. Chapter 24

The rest of the time leading up to the concert was uneventful. However, the events of the show were something else.

For whatever reason, Harry’s team decided that putting Louis at the barrier was the best place for him to be. Which, Louis could understand, he supposed, considering how down Harry had been at the shows lately. Putting Louis somewhere Harry could see him for most of the night would probably pick up Harry’s morale quite a bit.

However, when it came to the thought of getting shoved into the barrier by girls wanting to get closer to Harry -  _ his  _ Harry - Louis felt quite a bit uneasy. 

Luckily, Louis quickly discovered that the venue had a bar, which he was sure he’d be forever grateful for. He hadn’t drank any alcohol in a while - since the whole rendezvous with Niall, he was pretty sure - so a night of drinking wouldn’t kill him. He would rather be drunk through this than sober. He was sure most people in his situation would, though, he also figured most people weren’t in his situation. 

It didn’t take him long to get a proper buzz off the alcohol. He probably should have taken things slower, in retrospect, but, at the moment, he didn’t care. The alcohol running through his bloodstream matched with the energy of the venue felt good, amazing even, Louis could say.

He tried to be discreet about going to the bar to get more drinks, having a feeling that Harry would sit him down to have a talk about his drinking habits if he realized how often he was going back to get more alcohol to put into his system. However, Harry eventually picked up on it, walking towards the part of the crowd where Louis was standing after performing a song that was called  _ Anna _ , if Louis was remembering correctly.

“Now, my best friend, Arthur Rodgers is here tonight!” Harry shouted into his microphone, fueling the crowd’s screams, “And it seems like he’s been taking advantage of the bar, now hasn’t he? A bit drunk, mate?” 

Louis looked up at the lad staring down at him from the stage. He swore if Harry got any closer to him with that microphone, the whole room would be able to hear how fast his heart was beating. 

“Mm, no. Not drunk, what makes you think that?” Louis hummed back, his free hand gripping onto the barrier for an extra bit of stability, his other hand gripping onto the glass of vodka he’d been nursing for the past two songs. 

“Artie’s not drunk, everyone, it’s okay,” Harry said with a laugh, pulling at the wire of the microphone so he could step closer to the edge of the stage, “Totally not drunk or anything. What’s that you’re drinking, mate? The bar got anything good tonight? What’s that in your hand?”

“Vodka,” Louis murmured back, looking down at his cup. He looked back up to see Harry now sitting at the edge of the stage, his green eyes soft as he stared back at him with such a fond look.

It made Louis’ heart warm, his mind deciding to focus on how beautiful Harry was, up there in his bright pink suit, and how lucky Louis was to have him back in his life, instead of focusing on what Harry was saying. His mouth was clearly open to speak, but Louis was hearing absolutely none of it, his mind too busy screaming about everything that mouth could do to him. 

“... Straight?” 

Louis mind was pulled back to reality at the question. 

Straight? 

What the fuck was he asking? Was Harry asking if he was straight? 

What a joke. Harry knew that Louis definitely wasn’t straight.

“No,” Louis answered, a confused frown on his face, “No, gay.” 

Harry’s face went blank for a split second before Louis saw him burst into laughter, doubling over and covering his face. 

“No! Not you!” Harry quickly responded, “The vodka! I mean straight  _ vodka _ , not are  _ you _ straight!” He stood up after a few more seconds of laughter, shaking his head.

“It’s vodka! Straight? No, gay!” 

Louis could feel his face burning up from embarrassment as Harry reenacted the conversation to the whole venue. He flipped Harry off with a cheeky smile, which only caused Harry to laugh even more. 

“Is it straight vodka?” Harry asked once more. Louis quickly nodded in response. “Alright, thank you! Glad we cleared that up! We’ll be talking about your drinking problem tonight, yeah?” Louis rolled his eyes, knowing Harry wouldn’t be able to see it as he took a sip of his drink.

“Ah, Artie, this is why I love you!” Harry said as he turned to skip back to the center of the stage. 

Louis almost dropped his drink.

Hell, he almost dropped his whole body to the floor. He was sure his heart stopped at the sound of those three words coming out of Harry’s mouth.

Did Harry realize he said it? He wasn’t sure. 

“Arthur Rodgers, everyone! Great guy! Lover of gay vodkas and men of the sort.”

The rest of the show went by in a drunken blur, the only thing Louis remembering after that was his mind shouting at him over the fact that Harry told him he loved him, about how loud the crowd got at that statement. 

He had to have known he said it, right?

He _ had  _ to. 

Louis was certain that Harry was sober, or, at least not as drunk as the first time he had told Louis he loved him. So, he must have realized it slipped out, or, he purposely said it. 

Louis had no clue. 

And, it kind of terrified Louis, the fact that Harry flat out said he loved him, right in front of a crowd of about ten thousand people. Because, what was going to happen now? Whether he didn’t realize he said it, realized it later, or did it on purpose, something was bound to come out of it. 

But, perhaps, the alcohol was making him overthink things.

Perhaps Harry meant nothing by it.

There was a high chance of that being so, Louis realized, if Harry didn’t even know he said it. So, was there even a point in bringing it up to him? Was it even necessary?

“Are you okay?”

Louis blinked, turning his head to the person who owned the voice - a fan. It wasn’t until then that he realized how dizzy he felt, how much he couldn’t breathe, how the room felt like it was closing in on him.

“Arthur?” the man asked. Louis gripped onto the barrier as tight as he could, realizing it was getting hard to see, “Do you want me to try to get ahold of security?” 

There was a quick nod of his head before he was down on the ground, the rest of his vodka, albeit not that much, spilling all over him, shouts for help ringing in his ears before everything went black. 


	25. Chapter 25

When Louis woke up, he was somewhere else. 

It was somewhere new. Somewhere soft. He could feel the pressure of a duvet wrapped around him and curled up into it more, his eyes still closed. He felt exhausted, as if he could sleep for a few weeks - months, even. 

He felt something poke him in his shoulder blade. 

It was an unnecessary touch, for Louis would rather not be touched by anyone or anything at that moment, save for the warmth of the bed he was nestled into. 

Harry could wait. 

Sleep couldn’t. 

Another poke - this time at his spine - caused Louis to let out an annoyed groan.

“Louis, mate,” a voice muttered from behind him, “Christ, lad, you’ve been asleep for nearly three days. It’s time to get up.” 

The voice was familiar, but not the familiar voice he thought he’d hear. It caused him to roll on his back, opening his eyes and staring up at the dark haired, blue eyed man he had known since they were both children.

“Cal?” Louis croaked out, feeling a bit surprised at how rough his voice sounded. “Where am I? Why… Why are you here? Where’s Harry?” Calvin rolled his eyes, laying next to him on the bed. 

“Nice to see that I’m wanted here,” the lad laughed out, “You’re in a hotel in Rome. I was called in pretty much right away, since, you know, I’m your brother, apparently. Harry’s been at your side nonstop. Hasn’t slept in days. I told him to sleep. So, he’s on the couch, fast asleep, now, thank god. He’ll be glad to see you awake. Unless, you know, you go to sleep again. But, I want you to eat and drink something before that, okay? You were far too dehydrated to be drinking that much and got sick.” 

Louis sighed, glancing over at the couch on the other side of the room. Sure enough, Harry was curled up on it under a blanket thinner than the one wrapped around Louis, Clifford curled up beside him. 

His ears caught the sound of soft snores escaping the lad’s mouth. The sounds warmed his heart, noticing a smile starting to tug at his lips. He bit at his lip as he rolled over to the position he’d been laying in when he woke up, trying to stop the smile in an effort to hide it from Calvin, knowing his friend would tease him over it.

“Do you want me to tell you what happened?” Calvin asked, seemingly skipping over Louis’ fondness towards Harry, “Or, shall we wait for Loverboy to wake up and have him explain it to you?” 

Oh yeah.

He almost forgot he’d been sleeping for a few days. It certainly didn’t feel like it. He thought he should have felt more rested, after sleeping for so long. 

What exactly caused him to sleep that long? 

Sure, Calvin mentioned to him that he’d been dehydrated, but, what happened?

Then he remembered.

“Shit,” Louis mumbled, sitting up a bit too fast for his body’s liking. He grabbed at his head, feeling Calvin wrap his arms around his stomach in an attempt to steady him. “Please tell me there isn’t footage of me anywhere. Please tell me Harry handled it well.” Calvin stayed silent, which caused Louis to curse under his breath.

“There’s a video of you dropping to the ground. One, but it’s obviously been spread around loads.” Louis shook his head, rubbing at his face.

Of course. 

Of course, there was footage of this. 

Fans knew who he was, in a sense. They knew he was Arthur Rodgers. They knew that he was, in the public eye, best friends with Harry Styles. Eyes would be on him so long as he had a connection to Harry. 

Things would have been much worse if everyone knew who he was - that he was Louis Tomlinson, and that he truly meant something to Harry Styles.

“How did Harry react?” Louis asked, glancing over at the sleeping man. For the most part, he hoped that Harry didn’t have that big of a reaction, but there was a small part that wanted to know that Harry did indeed react, that he cared that much.

“Did the usual thing he does when he hears people shouting for help,” Calvin started, “He stopped the show, went over to see if everything was okay, and, then he saw it was you. He wanted to cut the show, right then and there, but they made him keep performing. Cried during  _ Sign of the Times  _ and then called it a day. Thanked everyone for coming, but informed them that he couldn’t make it through the encore knowing that you’ve been sick. From what I’ve heard, he hasn’t left your side since he got off stage. Which, doesn’t surprise me at all.” 

Now that he mentioned it, Louis noticed the white dress shirt and hot pink pants peeking out from under the blanket, Gucci loafers tossed in front of the couch, the suit’s jacket laying across the back of the chair next to Louis’ bed. Louis bit his lip, looking up at Calvin. 

“Can… Can you get me something to drink, please?” Louis asked, pulling his blanket close to his chest. Calvin nodded, walking out of the room and leaving Louis alone with Harry.

Louis stared at him, biting his lip. He couldn’t help wondering how long Harry had been asleep. The poor lad looked exhausted, a troubled look on his face, bags starting to form under his eyes. 

He looked around, spotting his phone on the nightstand next to his bed. He grabbed it, wanting to take a picture of Harry - something to show the world that he was awake and that he needed to thank Harry.

 

_ I’m alive. Don’t worry. I haven’t been awake for too long, just long enough to figure out three key things. One:  I was severely dehydrated (and the gay vodka didn’t help one bit.) Two: I’ve been out for three days. And, Three: Harry hasn’t left my side since he cut the show short.  _

_ My brother kindly informed me this is the first bit of sleep Harry’s had in that time, so, as of now, he doesn’t know I’m awake. Just wanted to pop in and inform you all that I’m okay, as well as to tell you to give Harry a bit of a break for the next few days. I’m sure he’ll be trying to dote over me as soon as he realizes I’m awake, as much as I don’t want him to. _

_ But, the point is to give him, as well as me, a bit of privacy through this bit of a health scare. Thank you for being patient. _

__ \- Arthur _ _

 

 

It wasn’t for another two hours that Harry woke up.

Louis still laid in bed, hands lazily wrapped around an open water bottle, Calvin laying next to him as they watched a movie on the television mounted on the wall above the couch. 

The movie wasn’t all that interesting, in Louis’ opinion, his mind starting to wander. His eyes drifted away from the screen, down to the couch below it. 

Sleepy green eyes met Louis’ blue, a wave of confusion washing over the emerald sea. Louis gave him a small smile before the Holmes Chapel lad came to his senses, jumping up off of the couch, the blanket that was wrapped around him dropping to the floor as he hurried over to the bed with Clifford following behind him. 

“Louis, oh my god!” Harry tackled him into a hug, pulling him close and pressing his lips to the smaller lad’s for a quick moment before pulling back to look at him, “How are you feeling? Are you okay?” He inspected Louis like a mother would to their sick child, causing Louis to laugh a little at his actions.

“Hi, Harry,” he murmured, pushing an arm out from Harry’s hold to wrap it around his shoulders, “I’m still sick, I’ll tell you that. Headaches, and all that. But, I’m alive, yeah? We’re okay.” Harry nodded, taking Louis’ face in his hands. His eyes stared into Louis’, as if they were searching for some sort of answer to some sort of impossible question.

“Yeah,” Harry echoed, “We’re okay.” 

Calvin was kind enough to step out of the room for a bit, wanting to give them time to talk. 

“Just don’t be doing any rough housing,” Calvin teased, “He’s still poorly, remember.” 

Harry climbed into the bed, replacing Calvin as he laid down in what was previously his spot. Louis shook his head as Harry tried pulling him in for another hug, his small hands pushing at the taller lad’s chest. 

“Ari, I don’t want you getting comfortable until you’ve cleaned up,” he started, causing Harry to frown, “No, I mean, you’re in the same suit I last saw you in, Harry. You gotta clean up, it’s been, like, three days. I’ll be fine without you for a couple of minutes while you shower. I’ve got a movie I can watch,  _ and _ I’m drinking my water. See?” he held up his water bottle, showing the younger man how much he already drank out of it. Harry blinked before nodding his head. 

“Right,” Harry murmured, kissing Louis’ hands, “I missed you, though. How could I possibly spend another moment away from you?” Louis let out a soft laugh, shaking his head as he started to unbutton Harry’s shirt, his fingers grazing over Harry’s tattooed skin as he opened his shirt. 

“You know, you haven’t cleaned yourself up in three days, either.” 

“Shame I’m not fit enough to stand up and all that, yet, huh? You’ll have to be all alone in that shower.” Louis smirked at Harry as he frowned in return, pulling off his shirt and setting it on the chair with his jacket. 

“We’ll just have to have a nice bath together then, huh?” Harry shot back, returning to the bed, “I’m sure the bath’s big enough for both of us.” 

Louis sighed a dramatic sigh, reaching out his arms for Harry. The lad picked him up, carrying him to the bathroom. 

It was a nice bath, Louis had to admit that. Something about having Harry’s arms around him as the lad washed the two of them almost made Louis forget about not being well. It made him feel safe, sitting in the warm, soapy water with Harry.

It made him feel even more safe to be cuddled up in the hotel bed with him, warm blankets wrapped around their freshly washed bodies and Clifford at the end of the bed as they watched the movie on the television. 

“So, what exactly is this movie?” Harry asked, tilting his head in confusion as he looked over at Louis. He shrugged in response. 

“Some bullshit Calvin put on. You can change it, if you want. Remote’s on your side.”

Harry shrugged back, pulling Louis close to his chest. Louis looked up at him, noticing how tired he looked. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy, his eyelids threatening to close. It made Louis sad to see him like that. Harry shouldn’t have been so worried about him. He shouldn’t have had to watch him and make sure he was okay.

“Harry, love. Look at me.” Warm green met icy blue as Louis took Harry’s face in his hands. “Get some rest. I’m right here, and I’m okay. But you need to rest. So, you go to sleep, and I’ll tell you how the movie ends when you wake up. I’ll be here, drinking my water, waiting for Calvin to come back with some food. But, you need to get your energy up, you’ve got upcoming shows.” 

Harry nodded quietly, letting out an exhausted sign as he hugged Louis, closing his eyes without much of a fight. It didn’t take long for Harry to drift off, his hold on Louis loosening as his breathing slowed. He looked so peaceful, Louis noticed, as he rolled over to face the younger man.

Louis pushed back Harry’s hair, making sure the dark curls were out of his face. His hair had grown, since they first reunited in the streets of Manchester. It seemed like an eternity ago - Louis couldn’t believe it had nearly been a year since they had come face to face again. 

So many things that he would have never expected to happen had happened since then. Louis never would have expected the mess that was trying to hide from Harry while simultaneously getting close to him. He definitely didn’t expect that he would have fallen in love again, especially not with Harry.

And yet, here he was. 

Here he was, wrapped in the arms of Harry Styles - the man who once changed his life for the worse. Here he was, head over heels in love with this man, and barely knowing if he truly loved him back. Here he was, gently tracing the tattoos littered across the man’s bare chest, hoping he  _ did _ love him back. 

The world worked in strange ways. 

Louis carefully sat up, not wanting to wake Harry. He ran his fingers through his blonde hair, rubbing at his scalp as he carefully stood up. He needed to walk around. His thoughts were starting to get to him. He shakily held onto the edge of the bed, taking a step forward. 

What if Harry didn’t love him back? What would he do then? There was so much that pointed to Harry not loving him, yet, there was so much more that pointed to Harry actually loving him. 

However, Harry was hard to read. Harry had always been hard to read. Who really knew what Harry was thinking?

He made his way over to the couch, phone in his hand as he slowly sat down. Clifford followed behind him, hopping up on the couch and laying down next to him. 

He didn’t know what to do. 

He knew Harry needed time, knew that the idea of saying he loved Louis was something that scared him, but, what if it was because he didn’t love Louis? What if Louis  _ was _ truly just a fling to him?

Louis didn’t want to find out.

He didn’t want to risk asking. He doubted he would be able to survive the heartache, if Harry told Louis he didn’t love him. Louis already felt a numbing pain in his chest at the thought of it all. He pulled his head into his hands, closing his eyes tightly. 

“Stop,” he mumbled to himself, breathing getting shaky as he put his hands over his ears. His thoughts were suddenly loud and rapid, as if there were a crowd shouting at him. He couldn’t breathe. 

He needed Harry. 

But, Harry needed sleep. 

Harry needed it. He hadn’t slept in days. Louis couldn’t wake him up now. Harry would hate him even more, if he woke him up. He needed to stay quiet, so there was a chance that Harry would still love him. So, he curled up tightly in a ball, head buried in his knees, teeth digging in his bottom lip as he hoped he wouldn’t wake Harry up as he tried to regain his breath. 

“Louis?” 

Calvin.

No.

He couldn’t be here. 

He’d wake Harry up for sure, and then --

“Louis? Are you okay? Look at me, mate. Please.” 

He refused to look at Calvin. He couldn’t. He felt frozen, as if he couldn’t move. He heard Calvin curse under his breath. 

“Harry? Lad, you need to get up.” A tired groan echoed through the room. “I know, I’m sorry, but it’s urgent. Louis needs you.” 

Harry was immediately at his side, kneeling in front of the couch.

“Lou? You… I think you’re having a panic attack. It’s going to be okay, I promise. Nothing’s going to hurt you. I’ll make sure of it.” His voice was calm and determined, despite the tired tone buried into it. “You’re going to be okay, you got that?” Louis nodded his head, hands still over his ears. 

Nothing was going to hurt him, Harry claimed. 

Nothing. 

But, did Harry realize how much the thought of him not loving Louis hurt?

“Can you look at me, love?” 

Louis peeked his head over his knees, looking up at the younger lad. He looked as calm as he sounded, but his eyes gave way to the concern Harry was feeling. He let out a shaky breath as he closed his eyes, not wanting to see Harry like that, wishing Harry didn’t see him like this. 

“It’s okay, Lou. If you don’t want to look at anything right now, that’s fine. I understand.” 

There was a quick moment of silence. 

“I was thinking of getting the boys over here, you know. A reunion of sorts. Since we’ve got a bit before the next show. Besides, I haven’t talked to them in a while, and I kind of owe an apology to Niall, don’t I? And, of course, it would be great to see Liam and Zayn, as well. It’ll be nice to have the five of us together again, you know.” 

It would be nice to have a complete reunion. However, how would that go down? Zayn and Liam weren’t on speaking terms, as far as Louis knew, and Niall was scared of Harry after the last time he saw them. 

It would be a mess, but, maybe if the five of them were together again, things wouldn’t go as bad as Louis thought they would.

“Yeah,” Louis mumbled, sniffling a little, “Nice.” 

“It could be fun, yeah? We all have some catching up to do,” Harry responded, “Maybe we could all watch one of these shitty movies together, or something.”

Louis nodded quietly, realizing he was finally catching his breath. He could feel his heart rate slowing to a normal bet, his anxiety starting to fade at the ide of the band being back together, if only a few days. He sniffled, pulling a hand off his ear and pushing his hair back as he opened his eyes once more. Harry looked up at him. 

“You okay now?”

Louis nodded, sitting up a bit. He watched Harry as the lad frowned, reaching up to cup Louis’ face in his hand.

“Your lip. It’s bleeding.” Harry ran a finger over the Donny lad’s bottom lip, causing a slight sting. Louis must have bitten his lip a bit too hard when he was trying to keep quiet. He didn’t know. He couldn’t remember doing it.

“I’m fine,” Louis mumbled, wiping his mouth with his sleeve before glancing down at the phone in his lap. He handed it to Harry. “Text them.” 

Harry proceeded to text the rest of the lads. He filled them in on what was happening, and informed them that Louis was okay before inviting the lads to come out to hang with them for a bit, advertising it as a reunion to them. 

“When in Rome, right?” Harry joked, looking up at Louis. The blonde rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he leaned back against the couch. 

“You know, Styles,” Calvin started, sitting down at the edge of the bed, “I’m surprised that this is the first time I’ve heard that joke come from your mouth since I got here.” 

“I was waiting for Louis,” Harry said with a laugh, handing Louis back his phone, “I couldn’t possibly tell a joke like that without having him roll his eyes at it. What would be the point, then?” 

Louis watched the two of them bicker, a slight smile on his face. It was nice, seeing the two of them together in a situation far better than the last time he saw them together. Sure, the situation was still shitty, but at least he and Harry weren’t fighting. 

The three of them spent the rest of the day watching movies in bed, Louis squished in the middle between Calvin and Harry. 

Louis tried to make Harry get some rest, but the Cheshire lad insisted it would just be better if he waited until it was night time. Harry gave an excuse of not wanting to ‘mess up his sleep schedule,’ but Louis knew Harry just wanted to spend time with him. Louis knew he wasn’t going to stop him, so he let him stay up. 

Throughout the rest of the day, Louis got messages from the rest of the boys. The three of them all sent their love to Louis and told him to get well soon, as well as confirming they were free to come and visit. Harry’s eyes lit up every time Louis told him one of them was coming. By the time he told Harry about Zayn - the last one to message him - being able to fly out, Harry was grinning from ear to ear. 

“It’s been so long since we were all together,” Harry said, kissing Louis’ cheek, “I can’t wait until they’re all here.” 

Louis gave Harry a small smile in response, a nervous feeling looming over him. He could only hope the five of them being in one room together would be a good experience, but it was the first time in four - almost five - years since they were last together. 

And, if Harry and Niall were still on bad terms, as well as Zayn and Liam, it wouldn’t be a good experience, would it?

“Harry,” Louis started, sitting up a little, “Please be on your best behavior. I’m begging you. I can’t have  _ everyone _ fighting.” 

“Everyone?” Harry questioned, tilting his head.

Right. 

He didn’t know.

“Zayn and Liam,” Louis mumbled, “I tried to help them fix things between them, and it didn’t exactly work.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

Harry wrapped his arms around Louis, kissing the top of his head.

“I’ll be on my best behavior, Artie,” Harry promised, “I’ll make sure I apologize to Niall the moment he gets here.” 


	26. Chapter 26

Harry took his promise seriously.

The moment Niall walked into the hotel room two days later, Harry got up, wrapping Niall in a hug and apologizing to him. Niall laughed softly shaking his head.

“It’s all good, H,” Niall told him, hugging him back, “I’m past that. I’m sorry too, by the way.” 

“No need to be sorry,” Harry replied, rubbing the back of his neck, “Louis and I weren’t exactly together, then, were we? I don’t really have a right to be mad about it, I suppose.” Harry looked over at Louis, who was sitting on the bed with Clifford, watching them intently.

“Did I do good?” Harry asked, a slight grin on his face. Louis nodded, getting up and heading over to the two of them.

“Very good.” Louis kissed his cheek, taking Harry’s hand in his own. Niall smiled at the two of them. 

“Cute.” Niall looked over at Louis, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder. “How are you doing?” 

“Better. Been sleeping and drinking lots of water.” 

“That’s good.”

They spent the day watching movies, something that Louis and Harry, along with Calvin had been doing a lot lately. After the third movie, they sent Calvin out to stock up on some food. Once Calvin was out of the hotel, Niall turned to look at Louis and Harry.

“So, any word on when Liam and Zayn are coming?” Niall asked from the couch, his fingers tangling themselves in Clifford’s fur.

“Liam’s coming tomorrow,” Louis answered, “No clue when Zayn’s coming.” 

“The day after.” Harry chimed in. Louis looked up at him before nodding, rubbing his eyes. 

“The day after.” 

“I really hope they’ll be okay in the same room, “ Niall mumbled, running his fingers through his hair. 

They were all nervous about Zayn and Liam. From what Louis had gathered from talking to both of them, Liam was trying to get in contact with Zayn, while Zayn refused to talk to Liam. 

Even Calvin was nervous about it. Though, Louis supposed, Calvin was nervous about being around all of the lads again. Calvin hadn’t seen most of the lads in a long time. 

“We’ll just have to prepare for World War Z,” Harry said, grunting in pain as Louis elbowed him in the side, not appreciating his joke, “Okay, jokes aside, we really do need to come up with a plan, in case something happens.” 

“If things get bad, we can separate them,” Niall spoke, “You know, go off and do separate things for a bit until they calm down.” Louis nodded. 

“I think Zayn’s more open with me. So, Harry and I can have him. You and Cal can hold Liam back.” 

The thought of it all, of having to witness Zayn and Liam fight, scared Louis a little. He’d never really seen them fight - unless what happened last time they were together counted for anything. 

They used to be close, the two of them. Hell, all of them used to be close. 

Everything was so much different now.

The days passed, and the remaining members showed up. Liam looked tired, Louis noted as he watched the man step into the room. He greeted the four of them, asking Louis if he was doing okay - the same thing Niall did.

Things were pretty calm, that day, as the four of them hung out. 

It was the day Zayn arrived that tension started to rise. 

Liam had been especially fidgety in the hours before Zayn was to show up. Louis kept telling him to sit down and take a deep breath, but the man wouldn’t sit down. The constant pacing was making Louis more nervous than he already was. He stood up from his spot on the couch, clapping his hands together.

“Right,” Louis said, “We’re going on a walk. Come on.” 

“Louis,” Harry spoke up, looking up at him from his own spot on the couch, “Are you sure you’re well enough for that?” Louis turned to look at him, reaching a hand out to him and pulling him up. 

“Come with me, if you’re so worried.” 

Harry nodded, kissing the top of his head before pulling his shoes on. Louis sipped his shoes on as well, grabbing his sunglasses and pulling his hood over his head. He then turned to look at Niall and Calvin, who were sitting on the edge of the bed, playing a FIFA game Liam had brought with him.

“You two want to come with?” 

They both protested to the idea, too immersed in their football match to come with. Louis rolled his eyes with a slight smirk on his face, taking Harry’s hand. 

“Suit yourself.” 

Louis led Harry and Liam out of the room, letting out a sigh of relief the moment he stepped into the hallway. It was the first time he stepped foot out of the room in almost a week, and it felt good. The hotel room was starting to feel almost like a prison, the past few days.

“Where are we going?” Harry asked him.

“Anywhere but here.” 

It was Harry’s turn to lead the way, taking them out the back of the hotel, rather than the front. The back entrance led to a garden area, fit with a pond and a trail wrapping around it. Pastel flowers lined the trail, benches set in between the plants every so often. 

“Is this good enough?” Harry asked. Louis nodded, looking around with a smile. 

“It’s gorgeous.” 

“Calvin told me about it. I wanted to check it out,” Harry said with a shrug, squeezing Louis’ hand. “Go walk around. I’m going to just sit here.” 

Louis looked over at Liam - who was busy taking in the view of the garden - before wrapping his arms around Harry. The Cheshire lad grinned down at him, kissing his forehead.

“Go on. I’ll be right here,” Harry sat down on a bench, looking up at Louis with a grin, “I’m sure you want to talk to Liam, anyway.” 

Louis questioned it for a moment, but shrugged and joined Liam. The Wolverhampton lad looked as nervous as ever, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Louis felt bad for him, hoping that whatever was going on between Liam and Zayn would resolve itself soon. 

“I’ll leave,” Liam told him, “If something happens tonight between me and Zayn, I’ll leave, so… so you don’t have to deal with a bad night.” Louis shook his head, walking beside Liam down the garden path.

“No need to,” Louis told him, “We’ve already come up with a plan, if something happens. We’re just going to separate you two for a bit and hope you both calm down.” 

“But, is that going to work?” Liam asked, looking down at his feet with a sigh.

“Liam, he agreed to come here, you know. He knows we’re all going to be here. He knows  _ you’re  _ going to be here. It might not be that bad, if Zayn’s agreed to show up.”

“Then… Then why won’t he talk to me?” Liam stopped, looking over at Louis. “I’ve tried calling him, texting him, everything. I’ve tried every single day since the last time we talked. He hasn’t responded once. I just… Sometimes I want to know how he’s doing. Is that too much to ask for?” Louis sighed. 

“Liam… You rejected him,” Louis muttered, “I… I kind of understand if he doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“Well…” Liam frowned, balling his hands into fists. “If… If he didn’t spring it on me so suddenly… If he didn’t say it in the middle of an… an argument, I --”

“You  _ what _ ?” Louis asked, tilting his head, “Liam Payne, are… Do you love --” 

“No!” Liam quickly cut in, “I don’t love anyone! I don’t, okay! I just… I just miss him. I miss having him around, and… I didn’t get a chance to just… have him as a friend again. I just wanted that. I just wanted to have a friend again, before all that was thrown at me.” 

“You’re gonna have to talk to him, Liam, and tell him how you feel about everything,” Louis told him, “I… I know it’s gonna be hard, but you don’t want to put it off and mess up your relationship with him even more.” 

“Yeah,” Liam mumbled, running his fingers through his hair, “Yeah, you’re right. Thanks, mate.” 

The two continued walking, catching up on each other’s lives. Every so often, Louis would look over at Harry to see how he was doing. He was just sitting there on his phone, probably keeping tabs on everyone else. The last time he looked over at him, Harry looked up at the same time. He grinned, waving at him. Louis waved back before looking down at his feet, smiling to himself.

“So, you and Harry?” Liam asked, “Everything alright, now?” Louis nodded. 

“I think so.” 

“That’s good, I’m glad,” Liam said, “I always hoped you two would get together.” 

“Did everyone want us to get together?” Louis asked, a soft laugh escaping his lips.

“Mate, we lived with the two of you for four years. We were all rooting for you, even if the world was against you for a bit.”

Eventually, the two walked back to Harry, who stood up when they got close to the bench. Louis hurried over to Harry, and the taller man pulled him in for a hug. Louis grinned as he hugged him back. He felt safe in his arms, never wanting to let go of him.

“Zayn’s gonna be here in five minutes,” Harry told him, pressing his lips to Louis’ for a quick second as he hugged him tighter, “We should head back inside.” 

Harry led the two of them back to the hotel room, opening the door to see Zayn already inside. Harry grinned, going over to hug him.

“Z, mate! It’s been so long! How’ve you been? You look good!” 

As the two of them talked, Louis looked up at Liam to make sure he was okay. He looked nervous, staring down Zayn from the other side of the room. Zayn glanced away from Harry, his eyes meeting Liam’s for a moment before they both looked away from each other. 

Louis nudged Liam with his elbow, motioning for him to go talk to Zayn. Liam nodded quietly, hesitantly heading over to Zayn and Harry.

“H-Hey, Zayn…” Liam started, awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck, “Could… Could we maybe talk?” Zayn nodded in response, letting Liam led him out of the hotel room. Silence washed over the hotel room, the remaining four lads unsure what to do.

“Are they outside the door?” Calvin whispered. Louis turned around to look through the peephole, not seeing anyone outside. He shook his head. 

“They probably went to mine and Liam’s room,” Niall spoke up.

“So, what do we do now?” Harry asked, “Who knows how long they’ll be in there.” 

The next hour and a half felt far too long, as the four of them waited for Zayn and Liam to return. They were anxiously sat around the television, playing video games when the two finally came back into the room. Everyone’s attention turned towards them as the two sat down on the couch. 

“Well?” Harry asked. Louis elbowed him in the side. 

“We’re fine,” Zayn told him, a slight smile on his face and a bright look in his hazel eyes, “Everything’s good now. We’re all on good terms now, right?” 

It seemed as though they were. 

The next few hours were spent talking as they caught up on each others’ lives and reminisced over old memories. 

It was fun.

It was good to be back to this, back to the five of them being all together. It was almost like old times, hanging out in hotel rooms just like this. 

Louis loved it. 

“Hey,” Liam said at one point in the night, arm wrapped around Zayn, who was starting to drift off beside him, “We should get the band back together.” 

“Liam, mate, we are together,” Zayn mumbled, cuddling close to him. 

Harry gently elbowed Louis, causing him to look up at the lad. Harry gave him a knowing look, nodding towards Zayn and Liam. Louis smiled, nodding his head. 

Perhaps Louis and Harry weren’t the only couple in the room anymore. 

“No, I mean,  _ together _ . As in, making music. Going on tour. Just, being together again.” 

“I can see it happening,” Niall said from his spot on the floor, “It’d be fun to tour and write with you lot again. Maybe Cal over here can open up for us.” Calvin made a face. 

“That’s not my scene. Think I’ll stick to the pubs for now.” 

“Oh, come on, lad,” Niall said, “You’d smash it, up there.” 

“What about Louis?” Harry cut in. “What would we do about him? Arthur and Louis can’t be in the same place.” 

“Louis’ going to fess up at some point,” Calvin mumbled, pulling Clifford close to him.

“Why  _ aren’t _ you saying anything?” Zayn asked Louis, “You’ve got music out now, so, why not just come out and tell the world that Arthur Rodgers and Louis Tomlinson are the same person?” Louis frowned, curling up in Harry’s arms.

“Because I’m not ready, yet,” Louis muttered, “Because, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do and… I’m just not ready for that.” Zayn nodded quietly. 

“We could figure something out,” Liam told him, “Give Louis a grand entrance, and all that.” Louis shrugged in response. 

“We’ll see about that one, Payno.” 

A phone started to ring.

Harry looked down at his phone with a frown. “I have to take this,” he mumbled, carefully letting go of Louis before stepping out of the room. 

Something about the sound of the phone ringing through the room changed the atmosphere of the room. Something about Harry needing to abruptly get up and take the call outside made the room tense. 

“It… It’s probably just Jeff, his manager,” Louis explained, “It’s probably just to tell him about when he needs to get back on the road, or something.”

But, Louis wasn’t too sure himself. Louis had a feeling it was Jeff, though, the anxious feeling in his stomach made him think it wasn’t about the tour. Part of him wondered if it had to do with his own failure to comply with Jeff’s directions, if he was going to be sent back home before he could help out in Jeff’s scheme.

It felt like hours before Harry came back in, his face pale, his eyes watery.

“Harry?” Louis squeaked out, concerned by the look on his face, “Is everything okay...?”

“It’s getting late,” Harry said, as if he was trying to act like nothing was wrong, “We should be getting to bed. I need to get up early tomorrow. I forgot. I have to go back to London for an interview. I need to get on a flight at three in the morning.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Louis asked, tilting his head, “We need to pack up, then, right? We--

“Just me. I’ll be back in the afternoon. Promise.” Niall gave Louis a strange look before getting off the floor, patting Harry’s shoulder. 

“Well then, lad. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon. Louis, Calvin, I’ll see you at breakfast.” Niall left the room, Zayn and Liam following behind him after saying their goodbyes. As soon as the door closed, Louis crossed his arms and looked up at Harry.

“What’s going on, Harry?” Harry shook his head.

“Nothing,” he assured him, “Nothing’s happening. Just a quick interview. I’m going to get ready for bed.” Harry headed to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Calvin quickly got up off the floor and sat down next to Louis, his phone held tightly in his hands.

“Something’s wrong, Cal.” 

“Yeah. I think… I think I found out what’s wrong.” 

Calvin handed Louis his phone, and suddenly his world was falling apart all over again. 

Someone took pictures of them while they were in the garden. Someone took pictures of them hugging. Someone took pictures of Harry kissing him.

Someone sold those pictures. Someone got the exclusive.

Someone outed Harry.

Someone outed their relationship.

Louis quickly got up, hurrying over to the bathroom. He gently pushed the door open, peeking into the bathroom to see Harry sitting in the bathtub, knees pulled to his chest and head buried in his hands. Louis bit his lip, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. He joined Harry in the empty bathtub, laying his head on his shoulder.

“Hey,” Louis whispered, the moment he heard Harry let out a sob, “It’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be okay.” 

“I-I don’t want to lose you…” 

“You’re not going to lose me, love,” Louis whispered, kissing the side of Harry’s face, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

“They… They want me to confirm it,” Harry let out, looking over at Louis with tears streaming down his face, “They want me to confirm everything, our relationship, my identity… What if… What if everyone hates me now that --” 

“Don’t say that,” Louis said with a frown, “Nobody’s going to hate you. And, if they are, then they truly weren’t your fan in the first place. And… Just think about it this way, you won’t have to see Camille anymore, right? No more stunts? You won’t have to hide anymore, right? That… That’s something good, right?” He was just trying to make Harry feel better. He couldn’t bear to see him so upset. 

“But, you’ll still have to hide,” Harry mumbled, “You’ll be stuck as Arthur, and… And, if we’re really thinking about getting the band back together…” Harry trailed off, looking down at his feet. 

“I’m fine being Arthur, for now. We’ll figure it out, yeah? When I want to be Louis to the world, we’ll figure it out,” Louis reassured him, “Hey, now we can use that big reveal Liam was talking about, yeah?” 

Harry laughed softly, wiping his tears away. “Yeah, maybe.” 

It was a conversation for another day. For now, they needed to focus on what Harry needed to do. 

“Are… Are you going to be okay tomorrow?” Louis asked him, “Are you sure you don’t want me to go?” 

“I wish you could,” Harry murmured before gently kissing Louis, “Jeff said you couldn’t come.” 

“Of course he did,” Louis mumbled back, “But I’m gonna watch this interview live, okay?” 

“As if you’re gonna be up that early!”

“I will! I’ll be too worried about you.” 

“I’ll make sure Calvin keeps you awake, then.” 


	27. Chapter 27

The morning soon came, and, even though Harry tried to be as quiet as possible, Louis still woke up, sleepily watching as Harry got ready. He looked nervous, but not as nervous as he did the night before. 

“Ari,” Louis sleepily murmured, reaching out for him. Harry walked over, and Louis leaned up to kiss him. “You’re gonna do great, okay? And, even though this never should have happened this way, I’m so very proud of you.” 

“Thank you, Artie,” Harry whispered, kissing him back, “Get some rest, yeah? I’ll be back soon.” 

Louis watched as Harry left, tears filling his eyes. He was angry.

Harry was too good. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve to be outed like that. No one did. 

And, sure, maybe they should have been more careful. Maybe they should have realized they were outside, that anyone could see them, but, what was the point? What was the point of hiding anymore?

Louis rolled over, facing Calvin’s sleeping form.

Harry didn’t deserve to do this on his own. Louis wished he could come with, but Jeff wasn’t allowing it, for whatever reason. 

Calvin woke up not long after, asking Louis if Harry had already left. Louis nodded his head quietly, letting out a shaky sigh, the nerves building in his chest. Calvin wrapped his arms around Louis, letting out a sigh of his own. 

“Everything’s going to be okay, lad,” he sleepily mumbled, “You know it will be. It’s scary, I know, but you know that you lot’s fanbase will be accepting. If anything, I’m sure they’re trying to hunt down the person who took those pictures as we speak.” 

“I know,” Louis mumbled, “It just… Sucks. It sucks that Harry’s got to go through this. It sucks that I can’t be there for him. It all sucks.” 

“You’ll be there for him every other step of the way, Louis,” Calvin said, “And… You’re still going to be supporting him through this, too. Everything’s going to be okay, I think.” Louis nodded quietly, letting out a sigh.

“Everything’s going to be okay.” Louis echoed, sitting up.

It felt like forever, before it was time for the interview. 

Harry texted Louis to tell him he landed and to give Louis the details of the interview. Louis relayed the information to Calvin, letting him set it up so they could watch. 

In the minutes before the interview began, Niall, Zayn, and Liam joined Calvin, Louis, and Clifford on the bed, having heard the news shortly after leaving the room the night before. They  _ all  _ wanted to support Harry. Louis pushed his sunglasses on and took a picture of them together, sending it to Harry.

 

**We’re all rooting for you!**

_ Thank you so much. I really needed that. Be back soon. xx H _

 

The commercial break ended and an interviewer introduced Harry. Louis’ heart ached at the sight of him. He looked exhausted and scared, and all Louis wanted was to hug him and tell him everything was going to be alright. 

They showed the photos on screen and Louis looked away. Harry shouldn’t have to do this. Louis felt Niall’s arms around him, as Harry started to talk. 

_ “What can I say?”  _ Harry let out a nervous laugh.  _ “That’s me, and that’s Arthur, my best friend in the whole world. Someone decided to take away our privacy, and, now I’m here, confirming things I shouldn’t need to confirm.”  _

_ “And, what is it that you’re confirming, Harry?”  _

_ “That I’m not straight.”  _

_ “What are you then?”  _

Louis could see the frustration in Harry’s eyes at the interviewer’s intrusive questions. 

_ “I don’t know, and I don’t want to label it. Which is why things like this shouldn’t happen. It is so wrong to out someone like that. Moreso if you’re getting money and exclusives from it. Let people come out when they’re ready, yeah?”  _ Harry let out a shaky sigh, running his fingers through his hair.

_ “That being said, Artie is the first man I’ve ever developed true feelings for. When I met him, my whole life changed. I wasn’t in the greatest of mindsets before we met, and, then I met him. I didn’t believe in love at first sight. But, then I met him, and I fell in love and sent him flowers without even knowing his name. I… I guess our relationship is something special, and, I know me and him were supposed to discuss this after my last show, but things happened and plans changed. But, I’d like to think that me and him are together. I mean, he’s my best friend, and I’m so hopelessly in love with him, so I really hope we are.” _

Louis watched the television in awe, tears filling his eyes. He was so proud of Harry and how brave he was. Other than that, it was the first time Harry properly said anything about his feelings towards Louis, so he was feeling quite a lot of emotions through the rest of the interview.

_ “Where is Arthur? Could we bring him in?”  _ Harry shook his head.

_ “He’s not here,”  _ Harry told the interviewer,  _ “He’s recovering from a health scare, so he couldn’t come. Maybe next time.”  _ The lady smiled at him.

_ “Well, I hope he gets well soon,”  _ she said,  _ “Harry Styles, thank you again for being here. We all wish you and Arthur the best.”  _ Harry thanked her before the show cut to commercial. The whole room let out a sigh of relief, as if they were all holding their breath throughout the whole interview.

“We told you he loved you,” Niall said, hugging Louis tightly. The rest of the lads joined in the hug, and Louis shook his head.

“This isn’t about me,” Louis said, “This is about Harry. Harry just  _ came out  _ to the world. Live on television. That’s  _ huge _ .” 

“Of course,” Liam said, “We’re going to give Harry some cuddles as well, don’t worry. He deserves them after this whole mess.” 

Louis nodded, pulling out his phone to see how the fans were responding to everything. As predicted, the fans were being supportive, and the Hartie shippers were going wild over the news. Louis smiled to himself, opening Instagram. 

He scrolled through the pictures he had of him and Harry, trying to decide on a good one to post that also hid his face. He found one of the two of them in bed, Harry’s arms wrapped around him as he kissed Louis’ cheek. It was taken before Harry found out that he was Louis, so his sunglasses were still on. 

 

_ The beautiful love of my life. I’m so proud of you and your bravery through everything that has happened. I wish this could have gone differently for you, but, I’ve always admired you and your strength. I love you so much, Styles. Ari. Harry. You changed my life for the better and I can’t wait to see where the world takes us. Thank you all so much for the support you’ve given him. Here’s to us.  _

 

After refreshing his page, Louis noticed that Harry had posted the image Louis sent him before the interview to his own page. 

 

_ Team Hartie always here to cheer me on. Thank you for your support. All the love. H. _

 

Harry texted Louis a couple of moments later, telling him he was on his way to the airport and that he’d be back soon. 

Waiting for Harry almost felt worse than waiting for the interview. Everyone tried to keep Louis busy, making him play video games with them. Though, Louis got bored after a while, deciding that watching them play would be more interesting instead. 

Eventually, Louis heard the door open. He sat up, looking over to see Harry walk in. 

“Harry!” Louis jumped up, hurrying over and attacking Harry in a hug. Harry hugged him back tightly, breaking down in tears. Louis felt arms wrap around them, followed by more and more arms as everyone came over to hug Harry. 

“I love you so much, Louis,” Harry told him, “So, so much.” Louis leaned up and kissed him.

“I love you too.” Harry looked up at everyone, a smile growing on his face through his tears. 

“Here’s to us.” 

 


	28. Epilogue

2020

 

“You can do this.” 

Louis stood in front of a mirror, staring at himself behind a pair of sunglasses. Blond hair sat over his face, Louis reaching up to push it out of the way. 

Five minutes. 

He was backstage at Wembley Arena, feeling the most nervous he’d been in a long time. He checked himself over once more, taking a deep breath before stepping outside of the dressing room. 

One Direction got back together. Though, the fans’ current idea of One Direction’s reunion was different from reality. One Direction’s current state, in their eyes, was Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, and Zayn Malik, who’d been busy in the studio, recording songs for a simple EP. In reality, it was the four of them, plus Louis, in the studio, busy writing enough songs for an EP with four lads on it and an album with five.

Four minutes.

Louis stood still as Calvin helped him get mic’d up, his heart feeling as if it was going to burst out of his chest. 

The plan was to surprise the fans, to give them all the big reveal Liam had suggested to Louis back when the idea of reuniting as a band was born. The four of them released an EP out of nowhere, which was a surprise enough, but they announced a tour right after, as well. Fans were a bit disappointed that Louis was still nowhere to be seen, but they were happy the band was getting back together.

They had a storm coming. 

Three minutes, and Louis’ life was going to change. 

The lads performed the songs off their EP first, leaving Louis backstage to wait. He would give everything for Harry to be here to tell him that he was okay, that he could do this. But, he’d be beside Harry soon. 

Two minutes, and Arthur Rodgers would cease to exist. 

Louis could hear the fans singing along as he took his place. 

The song was  _ If I Could Fly. _ Harry told him that the song was off the last album, before the hiatus began. They switched the solos up, so Zayn could have a part, but Harry also told him that the last chorus was  _ always  _ meant to be sung line by line, member by member. 

That’s where Louis would come in to join the band for the rest of the show, where they’d be singing songs from the new album - which they planned to drop after the concert - and songs from past albums. 

One minute, and Louis would be Louis Tomlinson again.

Thirty seconds, and the whole world would know. 

_ “For your eyes only.”  _ Four.

_ “I’ll show you my heart.”  _ Three.

_ “For when you’re lonely.”  _ Two.

_ “And forget who you are.”  _ One.

Zero.

_ “I’m missing half of me,”  _ Louis sang, starting to walk out to the stage, as planned. The crowd got loud at the fifth voice, getting louder when they saw Arthur walk out. He stood beside Harry, feeling his arm wrap around his torso. The fans were confused, the five of them knew, as they paused the song for the crowd to calm down. 

There was only one thing left to do. 

Harry leaned down to whisper in Louis’ ear as he took in the crowd, in awe of the sea of lights surrounding the stage.

“You can do this.” 

Louis nodded, taking a deep breath. He pulled off his sunglasses, knowing that his face was on the screens for everyone to see. He looked up as Harry started to sing.

_ “When we’re apart.”  _

_ “Now you know me, for your eyes only.”  _ Louis sang back to Harry, the crowd getting loud again as everything clicked in their minds. 

The rest of the lads joined in to finish off the song, Harry pulling Louis closer as happy tears filled his icy eyes. Once the song finished, the lads all hurried over to embrace Louis in a group hug, Harry grabbing Louis’ face and kissing him. All that could be heard was the crowd cheering around them. 

Warmth radiated through Louis. 

He was home. 


End file.
